Slip a roofie into their Mt. Dew.

Have your character have nonconsensual sex with the victim(s).

Grapple checks.

Pin, then maintain for a couple of rounds. Then some kind of check to rip/remove clothes. Then Some penetration checks. But you have to maintain the grapple the whole time or deal non-lethal damage during the grapple until the rapee is unconscious. Or see if the rapee gives up on trying to fend you off, might as well just let it happen and be on your way right?

>>5114806
Mean the character not the player themself. It's an online game and I don't feel like taking a plane trip.

>>5114827

Then you should punch yourself in the nuts for not discussing what could be a character-defining plot twist with all the characters involved *and* the DM.

>>5114834
That would ruin the surprise.

>>5114859

Punch yourself in the nuts *again*.

Surprises are the domain of the GM only. PC-to-PC interactions, especially those that could radically alter their relationship, is to be discussed heavily beforehand with everyone present.

If you can't handle saying "I want to rape X's character." in front of your group and making the event meaningful enough that X agrees, you don't deserve it.

>>5114798
Use a gun.

On yourself, not them, because anyone who thinks rape is a good and worthwhile thing to add to a roleplaying game should shoot themselves in the face.

DM: Okay, so both John and Dave's characters are alone.
Dave: I grapple John's elf.
John: What?
Dave: Sorry dude, but she's been looking at my half-orc like she wants it, so he's gonna give it to her.
John: Dude! This is disgusting!
DM: Do you fight back?
John: GOD no.
DM: I'm... sorry?
John: This is a rape. She pretty much just melts onto his dick.
Dave: Pretty much.
DM: Okay well, I guess we can fade that to bla-
BILLY: HEY GUYS I SUMMONED A DIRE WHALE. HIS NAME IS WILLY. HE'S HUGE.
DM: ... the Inn explodes. Dave and John's characters are killed by falling whale... Billy gets 100 exp and his fucking medication WHICH HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE.
BILLY: WILLY NOOOO!

>>5114918
WILLY!

>>5114962
And as usual nobody gives a shit about that poor bowl of dire petunias that came with it...

>>5114918

>>5114881
>>Surprises are the domain of the GM only.
You are a shitty GM.

>>5115134
Locked? Hey! Do you remember the riddle that the skeleton told us?

>>5115028
>Assumptions

Perhaps I should rephrase. "Surprises".

You know the kind.

"I draw my blade, and-" "Oh, sorry, the Kender took your sword in the night when it was his watch."

Trusting players with *those* kinds of "surprises" never ends well.

>>5115167
I'm so fucking sick of Kender... I mean... they were funny as hell when I was 17. That was, what? 25 years ago? Leave it where it belongs... in the Cretaceous period with my childhood.

>>5115218

I always play my characters as horrendously racist when encountering either Kender PCs or NPCs. He gives them ONE warning, then they are usually kill-on-site. The reasoning is quite simple: "They're all thieves who will steal whatever is yours if it's not bolted down. Killing the little rodents ensures that you can keep what is rightfully yours."

The sad part is that it's not racism based on a stereotype. It's racism based on a genuine racial trait and psychology.

My favorite story about Kender:

I was in a game with a PC who was playing a kender, he took my ring of sustenance while I slept because he thought it would be funny. I didn't pack food or anything because I had the ring. It takes a fucking week to return to your body, meaning I suddenly needed to find food, in a fucking cave. Two days later, I still don't know he's stolen the ring and my character has to beg other PCs for food, which was humiliating. He piped in that he stole it and how funny a joke it was, so I cut him in half with my great axe. The party paladin didn't even try to smite me for it, he just made me make reparations to the kender's family. Nothing brought a smile to my heart like going to what appeared to be a family of children and tossing them a bag with their son's head in it and a few thousand gold.

>>5115383

You win the internet, sir.

How'd the player of the kender take it?

>>5115404
Wish I knew, I just saved this when I saw it on /tg/.

>>5115420

FUCK! Never mind, I take your internet away from you. Good day, sir.

>>5115404

he was pissed, and he bitched that the Paladin had to smite me because of on evil act, but the Paladin was getting fed up with playing peacekeeper between us so he backed me up. The kender player rolled up some wierd cat person rogue who ended up getting lyched, but that's another story altogether.

Brings a smile to my heart to see the story is still being passed around, that's verbatim of what I wrote before i took up the mantle of namefaggotry.

Play a swarmshifter.

Tell the DM "I'm raping this player" and then do a strength check against that player's Willpower.

Can't remember which book it was, but in one of them an army walking passing a border or something encounter kender and one of the knights manages to get a kender real close then slips a garrote wire around his neck and chokes him to death. then the rest of the knights begin slaughtering kender.

>>5115539
>>wierd cat person rogue who ended up getting lyched, but that's another story altogether.

Tell us!

>>5115435

If you will give back his internet here is the full story.

I used to game with a bunch of chuds, mostly because the alternatives were furries or even more chuds. One day I found a group that met kind of in secret, so to avoid the chuds. I joined and we had some fun times, the DM was creative and we meshed well. We had hardcore interparty conflict but we all rollplayed pretty well. One day one of the chuds found out about our game, and the dm let him play, because he had a rule: "everyone gets at least 2 sessions before he gets the boot."

The fucker repays his kindness by rolling up a kender rogue, even though our party already had a rogue and a bard/rogue in it. He precedes to steal anything that isnt nailed down, including at one point the paladin's holy avenger. In character we threaten him and tell him if he fucks with any of our shit we will kill him. No one went through with the threat, and the paladin spent his time babysitting him and convincing the rest of the party that even though he was a pain, he was still helping us.

He assumed i had nothing of value to steal, (low magic campaign, with the exception of the paladin's badass sword and my ring the only other magic item the party possessed was the bard's flute) untill he noted that I wasn't buying rations when we were getting ready to head out, and i explained I had a magic ring that let me go without rest or sustenance.

>>5115539

Unless he was a real dick of a Kender, he was RPing horribly anyway. Kenders A: Don't steal for "pranks" as stealing is wrong and thus they only take things they think they might have a use for and B: Don't do things that will obviously kill/hurt someone else and would most definitely hand over the ring when they first notice it is missed. Bitch deserved it for not knowing his own fluff.

am Teddy. Once you read this you cannot get out. Finish reading this until it is done! As I said, I am Teddy. I am 13 years old and have no eyes and blood all over my face. I am dead. If you don't post this in 12 threads, I will come to ur house at midnight and hide under ur bed. When ur asleep I'll kill you. Don't believe me? Case 1: Patty Buckles got this email. She doesn't believe in chain letters. Well, foolish Patty. She was sleeping when her TV started flickering on and off. Now she's not with us anymore. Haha Patty, haha. You don't wanna be like Patty, do you? Case 2: George M Simon hates chain mail, but he didn't wanna die that night. He put it in 4 threads. Not good enough George. Now George is in a coma & we don't know if he'll ever wake up. Haha George haha! Now, you don't wanna be like George do you? Case 3: Valarie Tyler got this letter. Another chain letter she thought. She only put this in 7 threads. Well, that night when she was having a shower she saw Bloody Mary
Me

>>5115826

The little prick took it off of me because he thought it would be funny to watch me get hungry, probably so he would have an excuse to steal rations and give them to me, because shit like that would be endearing or something. I have to beg my fellow party members for food and water, which sucked because the rest of the party was angry at my character for going beserk in battle and killing a friendly cleric when she tried to calm me down. Finally the little asswipe decided to wear the ring in front of me and explain how he was a master thief and how even a mighty warrior could be humbled by a lowly thief. I made good on an earlier promise and charged him (shock trooper ftw) and put the little bastard deep into the negatives. He flipped shit, but the paladin and the rest of the party was happy to be rid of him, and since he did jeopardize my life my murdering him, though an evil act, was understandable. He got really pissy about how Paladins can't adventure with evil PCs and the DM kept explaining DM caveats while the rest of the party, in character, started talking about how it was good to be rid of the vermin and started warming back up to me. In revenge he wrote up a new rogue, "just to show us." Me and the bard ended up getting the rogue lynched in the next session. It took him two more characters to get the hint.

>>5115841

Oh wow. Bitch REALLY didn't know his fluff. Only reason anyone would tolerate a Kender in the first place is the fact that they don't actually consider themselves thieves and try to be goodhearted.

Deserved PK was deserved.

>>5115841
How did you get the lynching accomplished? This sounds like a good story, and you write them well.

>>5115792

Alright, here goes, sorry if I have to break this up, i tend to ramble.

So decides to roll up an assassin, now with my character being the exception (NE) the rest of the party was good oriented. I know how to play evil characters who aren't just "hurr durr rape time," he did not. He was using some splat book that had bipedal cheetas or something in it and had a massive dex bonus. His new character's backstory was "he was hired to kill the party" and that was about it. I didn't know this at the time. I just remember the dm and him having a conversation in whispers while the DM kept sighing. So the nest session starts with us entering the town we were traveling to. We payed for our rooms and our characters had a good meal and plenty of wine to celebrate getting out of the wastes intact, with the exception of the kender who's head i dropped off to his family when i had to make restitutions. We stumble upstairs for a good nights sleap when the new character starts rolling hide and move silent checks.

>>5115987

He felt betrayed by the paladin's player and me so he decided to off both of us, but not in a manly or awesome way. He wrapped the paladin's sword handle in hide and took it to my room. He tried to coup de grace me but the dm ruled since he wasn't holding the blade it would be an execution check (from the bovd) and he botched, leaing the sword in my chest but I was still alive. I woke up, grabbed the holy avenger, which burned the fuck out of my arm and left me permanently marked as evil, and tried to kill him with it. He made a run for it and I grappled with him. He was getting away so I told the DM that I was grabbing his tail. I made an attack against it and severed it near the ass. He escaped, but when the paladin woke up he alerted every temple to detain any cat people who came in with a missing tail for questioning. Sure enough me and the bard find him being held at a temple of pelor. The bard convinces the cleric to release him into our custody. We are taking him back to our cleric (who probably would have geased him or something) when the bard gets a great idea (CN actually working for us) that we were somehow more qualified to sort this out, as he tried to kill me and frame a paladin, who was generally beyond reproach.

>>5115998

So he writes down an epic speech for my character to read, denouncing the foul hellspawn, and telling of the wonderful accomplishments of the paladin, and how he was helping my character find redemption (which sort of happened, but once again, that's another story), even though I was clearly tainted by evil (the holy avenger turned the skin of my arm all zombie looking.) I delivered the speech, and he starts playing his flute to make my speech sound more believable. The flute allowed him to have his bardic music affect a lot more people then he normally could, and he's making them more and more attentive to what I say. When I finish the speech, the bard stops playing and asks the crowd "what do we do to murderers?"

>>5115998
>>He was getting away so I told the DM that I was grabbing his tail. I made an attack against it and severed it near the ass.

So we go from rape to murder, eh?

>>When I finish the speech, the bard stops playing and asks the crowd "what do we do to murderers?"

FUCK. YES.

>>but once again, that's another story

Is this story even half as good as the others? If so, DO WANT.

>>5116124

This story not making your dick hard enough namefag?

>>5116061

The crowd responds with a hearty "WE HANG THEM" and they get to work. The bard strings him up and the angry crowd gets him up on a bench. I ask him if he has any last words. He goes on a tear about how we are deluded, and that his gods will make the whole world burn, starting with the paladin and his wretched friends. The paladin, unbeknown to us, heard the entire speech, and walked forward, so that the assassin could look at the man he planned to defraud. He pulled out the sword and told the assassin that if he took an oath before his blade, he would spare him. The assassin responded by spitting on the paladin in front of a crowd full of angry peasants. The paladin detects evil, then uses the sword to destroy the bench, making the assassin drop down. The dm rolled to see if he broke his neck and rolled low, so the fucker spent the next few seconds gasping for air and desperately making strength checks to break the bonds. He didn't make it and died.

>>5116129
>>Is this story even half as good as the others? If so, DO WANT.

Seconding.

>>5116138

The little shitstain then says something to the effect of "hah, tricked you, enjoy falling Paladin" only for the DM to say, "No, he performed a lawful execution of an evil assassin who tried to frame him for the murder of one of his best friends. The only thing miraculous that happens is you manage to void your bowels quietly enough for only half of the crowd to break out into laughter. He gets pissy because there wasn't a jury, while the Player of the paladin explains that the city was a theocracy and a council of good aligned churches ruled over, and as an agent of the church he was legally allowed to pass judgment. The assassin retorted with "you have no evidence" to which he replied "I watched you fight the man you tried to murder 12 hours ago, you were guilty" before the argument can go any further I remind the paladin that he is arguing with a dead man, and we can just ignore him. He angrily starts to scribe a new character while the rest of us move on.

>>5116138
I love how you make his death sound even as pitiful as his life.

>>5116129
>>5116211

would yall prefer the long version or just the short version?

>>5116223

God, what a shitstain of a person.

Sounds like he should have had a mustache he could have twirled.

>>5116236
Long.

>>5114798

Switch to 4e

>>5116236

Why, long, of course.

>>5116223
>>The only thing miraculous that happens is you manage to void your bowels quietly enough for only half of the crowd to break out into laughter.

Your DM is great for adding all the little details that are sure to piss him off.

>>5116281
But that would rape all players and DM, not only one player...

>>5116272

Can do. I gotta start from the first session I was in, so it may be a while. If you gotta pee or want a drink or something now's the time to do it.

So the party was in a town being besieged by orcs. My character was a NE fighter who worshipped Erythnul (my spelling is ass, so bare with me) and believed that the pursuit of power was the purest form of life, and that killing as many people in battle was the way to do it. Consequently he heard about a massive siege and decided to fight on the side of the town, because there would be more enemies to kill. I end up fighting back to back with the paladin. We are mutually impressed with each other's prowess and we spend the rest of the time teaming up, till we link up with the rest of the party and kill the orc general. Afterwards, my character does his after battle ritual of skinning the enemy and making a cloak from the remains. Whenever I killed something impressive, i made a new trophy. The Paladin detects evil and sure enough, i reek of it. He confronts me and as we get ready to draw blades a little girl comes up to my character, holds my hand and looks up to me and thanks me for saving her mommy.

everything but the shave and cats thing.

>>5116327

Yeah, I was just taking a shot at 4e.

I'd geas him into selling all his gear, killing his (in-game) family, or something similar.

>>5116344

So the townsfolk carried us off like heroes and there was a feast, so any hostility between us had to be held off till later. At midnight we meet up, fully healed and armed, and I tell him that he would be a foe worthy of dieing in combat against, and that if he believes that he must cause my death I would bare him no ill will, but if he wanted to fight, i would give no quarter, and not expect it to be given. He nods and draws his blade, and I heft my axe. WE fought, and be brought mt down to -3 hp. He then kicked away my axe and healed me, but he had his boot on my chest and his sword at my throat.

>>5116386

My character wakes, seemingly from death, to see a bleeding paladin holding a sword to his throat. He tells me that normally he would have let me die, but the fact of the matter was that I served good, even though I was slaughtering enemies pretty much for the sheer thrill of it. He asked me why I killed and we had a long moral discourse on good and evil, moral relativism and the nature of man, all at sword point. I asked him why he didn't kill me and he said he would fail as a Paladin if he couldn't find a way for me to use my power for good. I tell him that his words are meaningless, and that I will kill untill no one dares oppose me. He said that although my thirst for power had twisted me I was not beyond redemption, and he put the sword down and helped my character up. He said that by not killing me I wasn't bound to him or anything, He had just given me a second chance. I was intrigues so I asked if I could journey with him. The party agreed that they could use someone like me and welcomed me aboard.

>>5116485
THIS is what being a paladin is all about.

>>5116485

Despite being a murder crazed death cultist, my character was an alright guy. It was in his best interest to keep his newfound friends alive as he was stronger than ever when he fought along side of them. I ended up saving the rest of the party's lives by taking a ballista bolt to the chest, dieing in the process. I was resurrected and the party kept asking me why I did it? How would i gain from it? I tried to brush it off like it was an accident or something but they cut right through the bullshit. I told them that the party felt like a family (my character had a rough childhood, raised in a sparta meets scandinavia type country) and that I wouldn't know what to do without them. We have a dawwww moment and we set out on our next quest.

>>5116344
>>as we get ready to draw blades a little girl comes up to my character, holds my hand and looks up to me and thanks me for saving her mommy

This is a DM doing it right.

Wasteland Warrior?

More like Wasteland WINRAR!

HAHAHahah...hem...

Cool stories, though, bro!

This thread is an example of /tg/ at its finest. We get an obvious troll thread about rape, and it turns into epic storytime.

am Teddy. Once you read this you cannot get out. Finish reading this until it is done! As I said, I am Teddy. I am 13 years old and have no eyes and blood all over my face. I am dead. If you don't post this in 12 threads, I will come to ur house at midnight and hide under ur bed. When ur asleep I'll kill you. Don't believe me? Case 1: Patty Buckles got this email. She doesn't believe in chain letters. Well, foolish Patty. She was sleeping when her TV started flickering on and off. Now she's not with us anymore. Haha Patty, haha. You don't wanna be like Patty, do you? Case 2: George M Simon hates chain mail, but he didn't wanna die that night. He put it in 4 threads. Not good enough George. Now George is in a coma & we don't know if he'll ever wake up. Haha George haha! Now, you don't wanna be like George do you? Case 3: Valarie Tyler got this letter. Another chain letter she thought. She only put this in 7 threads. Well, that night when she was having a shower she saw Bloody Mary
Me

if you can, keep it up. Someone will make the campfire, and I have the sweet treats and snacks to pass around.

>>5116550

A few sessions later the DM decided that conflict was the spice of life, and after a few sessions of us all being a big happy family he decided to throw a spanner in the works. I had not skinned an enemy since the orc general and I hadn't been bothering with pray to the dark gods (getting dangerously close to neutral), when out of the blue a succubus (actually a minion of the bbeg) appears, with a pissed off demon chained to a huge stone. She tells my character that she has been watching me, and her patrons are sickened that I have grown soft and weak. To demonstrate she looses the demon on me and it rips me apart, leaving me barely alive when she restrains it. She tells me that if i want to be a pathetic worm she will leave me and never return, or I can kill the demon and feast of its flesh to set myself on the path to gain ultimate power. I start to get apprehensive and she rolls a diplomacy test versus my sense motive, which was lower than a legless midget's ass. I fail horribly and the DM tells me she's making a real good point. So i do it, and start down the long road of pain and death.

>>5116673

I lol'd really hard

Needs moar 'And then John was a zombie.'

>>5116677

The Dm takes me aside and explains that now killing will actually make my character stronger (not just exp for kills, but if I get enough in a row, kill a hero, please the dark gods, etc etc... I will start turning into a demon.) What he doesn't tell me is that I pretty much just became a frenzied beserker, only the trigger is the dm rolling a 95+ on a d100 at the start of every combat turn)

>>5116716
What benefits did you get mechanically?

>>5116716

sorry for the short post, i'm not too good at judging how much space i have left.

ANywho, I start to relish my new powers, and I become arrogant as I start to enjoy killing again. I start becoming distanced from the party again, but we still function well together, and we are on good terms. The paladin was hit the hardest though, because he believed i had stopped the blood rituals for good and started to wonder If he did the right thing. WE get into a huge fight to protect a temple against an invading army. I get separated from the group and they start to worry, so the paladin and the sorceress, who were my biggest allies and ones who were actively trying to save me from damnation, split off from the group to find me.

how the hell did this thread go from paris hilton and rape to awesome manliness?

>>5116810

By means/instrument of Chaos Theory.

>>5116743

Initially, a strength boost, an extra attack each turn if all of my attacks hit and I gained 1 hp for every 10 points of damage i caused. More would come later in addition to the racial bonuses of demons.

>>5116799

Well, I find myself surrounded by the dead and dyeing enemies. I'm caught up in the bloodlust and I'm dispatching the wounded (but combat is still in effect elsewhere, so we're still in turns) and I hear a young woman calling for help. I go investigate and see the newly appointed high priestess surrounded by enemies, her bodyguard was dead and the enemy was getting ready to take their time with dispatching her. My fighter ran in and took them all on, killing them but leaving me barely alive, even with the hp gained from murder. The priestess, who was the most kindhearted and sweetest 15 year old girl I had ever encountered in game, ran up to heal me, right as the Paladin and the sorceress arrive on the scene.

>>5116880
You sure know how to keep me waiting on the edge of my seat for the next post.

>>5116880

My turn rolls around, and before I can say or do anything, the DM rolls the dice and we all see, even with the screen, that all the color has lost his face. He turns to me and says, "You feel the bloodlust rise, there are enemies to kill, yet you haven't the strength to fight them. The voices say that the girl will provide the sustenance for you to continue." The frenzy has taken effect and he asks for my character sheet, I say, "that won't be nescessary, I understand" and I charge the young girl. I expected to hurt her real badly, then fall to the Paladin. I power attacked her with all I had (remember, I had the shock trooper feat, so charges by my fighter were unbelievably nasty) and I rolled to hit. I rolled a 20, and we didn't bother confirming crits in our game. I then proceeded to do max damage with a great axe to what turned out to be a 3rd level cleric with a negative con modifier. I was level 14. She died horribly, and I gained a measly 2 hp for my efforts.

>>5116945
... dick.

>>5116945

>>5116945
I fuckin' KNEW it!

>>5116945

I'm now an evil character sitting at nearly a quarter of my health, with an effective AC of around 7 or so next to a Paladin with a holy avenger who has beaten me before when he was at full strength. He charges and, for the first time against me, smites evil. I go down to -7 and stabilize. A few rounds later combat ended for the entire party and they gather round, along with the remaining troops and the priests and priestesses. The Paladin has his avenger raised above my head getting ready to strike the death blow. The sorceress said she would prepare a pyre so none of my taint would remain to stain the earth. The rest of the army started throwing spears, bolts, shields and arrows into a pile to make the fire. The paladin then dropped his sword and used his lay on hands to heal me. Then he stood me up and savagely beat me until I was unconscious.

>>5116945

>>5117023
I keep wondering if this can possibly get any better. And then it does.

>>5117023

FUCKING

I CAN'T F5 HARD ENOUGH

I PRESS F5 BUT IT DOES NOTHING

>>5117023

I'm taken before the elders of the churches, and bound and gagged. He tells them what happened and they tell him that its up to him to decide what to do with me. Half of the party (the ranger, the rogue and the sorceress) want me to be executed, so that I can't fall any further from grace and the other half (bard/rogue/lynch gang assembler, cleric and wizard) say that they should try to find out why i did it before judgement is passed. It comes down to the paladin to decide my fate. He sighs and says, "his reasons are his own, and while I may never be able to forgive him for this, I cannot forget when he gave his life to save us. Free him." I slinked off to recuperate (no cleric in the city would have touched me with their worst enemies hand and their dog's ass pushing.) While the party planned its next move. A session passed and the party bitterly tolerated my presence, with the exception of the sorceress and the paladin who tried to make me open up about how i was feeling and why I killed the girl. We entered a town to gather supplies when we ran into the aforementioned kender.

oh god dont let it end!

We were pursuing a baron who was raising hell trying to burn the peaceful theocratic city to the ground. We were following a lead in the town when the kender started tagging along. We reasoned that an extra stealthy character couldn't hurt and we commenced to searching, he commenced to shitdickery, which focused the anger away from the fighter and towards the kender. Eventually, a certain ring got stolen and a certain kender was reduced to wet meat on the desert sands. Then came the cat assassin and the lynching.

Just so you know, if this story ends with a Bel Air, then I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND HURT YOU.

Please, carry on.

>>5117176
Im expecting a 'what, we're the aristocrats.'

>>5117176
Make that TWO OF US WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.

>>5117185
i'm holding out for the monster mash

>>5117208

Confirming that a Paladin of Kord is also down for this mighty quest to smite said evil.

>>5117154
well played sir. On that note its 1am local time and Ihave to wake up @ 6am. No ill will whatsoever as I have watched an epic thread unfold

>>5117154

I spent the next couple of sessions trying to get back into the good graces with the other characters. I broke down and told them everything, about how i willingfully became an abomination and killed the priestess because I couldn't control myself. I said I hated what I had become and one day dropped to my knees in front of the party, and begged to be killed. The chud who played the kender took this opportunity to attack my character, despite the paladin telling him not to because we could talk this out, which resulted in his third dead character (male drow warlock playing at being a magicaller version of drizzt, I never read any of the drizzt novels but I'm guessing he wasn't dispatched from behind by a Paladin and a cleric.) The sorceress walked up close to my character and asked the fighter if he still thought of them as his family, and told him that no matter what he became she would always have a place in her heart for him (she was an elf who had been orphaned by war and had a childhood that made mine look like a magical tour of a chocolate and bourbon factory.) I resolved to be worthy of the group's friendship (with the exception of the chud writing up his final character, whom we largely ignored.)

I'm gonna take a short brake to get a bite to eat, I'll be back in ten minutes.

>>5116880
I'm not sure i like where this is going. Yet, i still want to read the rest of it.

Wasteland Warrior, you've touched my heart and humbled my player's pride. I may love you.

>>5117236
Kord?

FOR KOOOOOOOORD!

>>5117236
>Paladin of a chaotic god

FFFFFFFFFFFF-

>>5117326

>I'm gonna take a short brake to get a bite to eat, I'll be back in ten minutes.


YOU COME RIGHT BACK

>>5117264

And I'm back with a nice cold beer and a sandwich, the story is coming to its conclusion.

>>5117264
>>I'm gonna take a short brake to get a bite to eat, I'll be back in ten minutes.

Just put the fucking ring on and continue the story!

>>5117264
>>I never read any of the drizzt novels but I'm guessing he wasn't dispatched from behind by a Paladin and a cleric.

I choked hard on my sandwich when I read that, and honest-to-goodness almost died laughing.

...Would have been worth it.

>>5117363
it takes a week to attune, remember?

>>I'm gonna take a short brake to get a bite to eat, I'll be back in ten minutes.

For a second there, I thought this was going to be the worst of Bel-Aires.

>>5117326
Paladin of Freedom variant.

Awesome story is awesome.

I salute you, oh brave Warrior. More detail on the drow please.

At this point I feel like BFFs with my group, both in and out of character (again, with the exception of the chud, who rolled up a halfling fighter with a spiked chain built for being a tripmaster so that, and I quote "the lame ass fighter buys the farm the party will still have a tank".) I saw tears in the eyes of the girl who was playing the sorceress (but she was a theater major, so she could have been lying very convincingly, as all women seem to do...) The party sets off with new resolve, and everything turns up aces. One by one the rest of the starting party accomplishes their individual long term goals. If you don't mind i would like to mention the rest of the party so yall get some kind of idea just how cool it was that our party managed to not tear each other apart in an orgy of violence. I'll get back to the story right afterwords but they deserve their moment in the spotlight, as most of them haven't really gotten the props they deserve so far.

>>5117264

I don't know what's more impressive, that you guys are so awesome or that you managed to be awesome DESPITE this shitstain trying to ruin everything with his outrageous faggotry.

>>5115836
Jokes on you fuck face, I don't have a bed frame! There's no place to hide!!

>>5117411
By all means.

>>5117411
"The Win-detector readings are off the chart. Buried the needle."

>>5117401

I honestly can;t remember much about the drow, the player was a total chud and his characters were cliches or just plain shitty.

At this point I realize just how many times I've said "chud." I apologize to any readers who are unaware of what a "c.h.u.d." is. C.H.U.D. stands for Cannibalistic humanoid under dweller, a race of hobo eating monstrosities that live in the sewers, if you haven't seen the appropriately named movie i suggest you go out and rent it. I use it because it has more bite to it then "basement dweller," and because I know a dude who lives in a basement who I wouldn't want to disparage, as he's a pretty cool guy who just happens to spend his money on his car instead of rent.

Anywho, the drow was trying to prove that his kind weren't all evil, and to prove it HE BECAME A WARLOCK, A MASTER OF THE HELLISH ARTS OF SORCERY to prove the surface worlder's wrong. He was a bag of cocks, all of them infected with aids.

Damn, I'm gonna send this thread to all the fatguys I know. I'd be happy if our games could be half this awesome.

First up was the cleric. He was an elven LN worshipper of Obad Hai who just wanted to protect nature, he joined up because an invading army tore down the woods he grew up in to make siege equipment. He was a swell guy who never wanted to be the center of attention. That's not to say that he hid in the corner, he just thought that if his cleric did what was right by Obad Hai then no one would be sure he had done anything at all.

The rogue (the good one, not the shitty kender) was a CG dorf. He played like he was straight out of boatmurdered and had crazy fears about carp and elephants. He was generally jolly except for when he encountered some freakish aberration that could only exist on the surface world (birds freaked him the fuck out, as did sheep and sunflowers.) He would spontaneously tell a bunch of really off color jokes just one ofter the other untill we were all laughing our asses off, then he would roll to do something sneaky while we were distracted.

Our half orc ranger was NG i think, and he played the dude like robin hood, only instead of robbing the rich he hunted bandits down. Kind of a moralfag but in a good way. Had an epic moment when the party was arguing how to get into a well defended fort and he just burnt the fucker down with some well placed flaming arrows.

>>5117552

>elven LN worshipper of Obad Hai

The concept of a modest, patient, JUST AS PLANNED cleric of Obad Motherfucking Hai is just too cool. I've never seen anyone pick Obad as their deity and do anything interesting with it.

The human wizard was CG, i think, and played the dude like a stage magician, only instead of pulling bunnies out of hats he would incinerate orcs and shit. He named his character "Leon" and kept parroting "Behold the GREAT LEON!!!" like leon form starfox 64. He was a riot, and despite his bombastic nature was real level headed and ended up being a great decision maker. If the rest of the party missed a super subtle hint he would pick up on it like a magnet.

The Bard was CN at its finest. The dude wasn't LOL randumb, he was hilarious. He actually played the flute and he actually wrote his own bard songs. He told us which one he was going to play and played them out during combat and just used hand gesture to signal where he was going to move and shit. He was the one who ended up lynching the chud's second character.

>>5115836

Once you read this you cannot get out. Finish reading this until it is done! As I said, My name is Sasha Rominske. I am a 247lb Russian male and I would love to fuck you in your hollow eye sockets and rub my dick in the blood running down your face. I am clinically insane. If you don't post this in 12 threads, I will wait in my house at midnight when you hide under my bed. When you think I'm asleep and try to kill me I'll rape your face. Don't believe me? Come and get face fucked.

>>5117161
What're you guy's freakin' out about?

It's a cool story I guess. But not THAT cool. Holy fuck, chill out.

>>5117629
lol

"come get yo face fucked!!"

archive this shit nao!

>>5117629
Isn't Sasha a girls name?

>>5117629

Ya see...the problem with this attempt at chain-posting is the fact that they can just NOT GO TO YOUR GODDAMN HOUSE RETARD.

>>5117650
I'm sorry, but when you have to deal with a "chud" on a regular basis, as far as games go, you enjoy what goes on w/o "chud"s.

>>5117682

In Soviet Russia? No. In little eety beety foreign girly lands? Yes.

The sorceress was an elf and NG or CG, i never foud out exactly, but she played her character kind of like a Paladin, only without the strict moral code. She always tried to talk things out and took a bunch on nonlethal spells. Her character was an orphan raised by clerics of sune or something and she was adventuring because she wanted to make the world a better place. She sent back something like 90% of her loot to the orphanage she grew up in and ended up passing on a chance to marry some high and mighty elven prince because it would cut into her "crusading for good" time.

My character was the fighter yall have been reading about, i think enough has been said of him. But I know some of my friend's who I gamed with are out there so I'll remind them of Old Kjellmir Bloodskull, the man who proved NE can sometimes stand for Niceguy Evil.

Finally we get to the Paladin. The dude was Optimus Prime in Half Elven form. He set out to avenge his mother's murder and ended up saving the world. He was the defacto leader of our merry band and their wasn't a single sol at that table who would have wanted it otherwise (except the chud, but he was a soulless abomination, so he doesn't really count)

>>5117650
What?

unfamiliar with the term chud. doesn't that stand for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller?

I keep telling you, WW: Chuds aren't people. You could set fire to 75% of the SGS, and not earn a single murder conviction. Cruelty to animals, tops.

>>5117720

that movie had some decent effects for a B gore film.

>>5117607
>>5117552
>>5117703

Holy dick, it's like everyone in your group is pure undiluted awesomeness.

>>5117703
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

WW, why are you so lucky? ;_;

Anywho, back to the story.

We end up busting a cult that was trying to summon a demon. The cult leader spills his guts in exchange for mercy (which the paladin gave, of course.) A powerful demon has been behind the scenes the whole time, and he has built a permanent stable portal the underworld in the bottom of an abandoned dwarf city. We set out to stop his demonic army from breaching into our world and killing everything. The party fights dearly, losing the ranger and the wizard along the way. The rogue runs to warn the nearby city that if we fail they must be ready to repel a demonic horde and bard is nearly killed, but refuses healing because he says all he can do know is watch the battle and wrote a song for the fallen (dude got poisoned bad by a demon assassin and couldn't do any real damage. It came down to me, the paladin, the cleric and the sorceress staring down the Demon Lord and his elite bodyguard.

>>5114918

WHAT THE FUCK!? I'VE DONE THIS SHIT AND MY NAME IS BILLY!

How was I supposed to know that Willy couldn't fit in the inn?

The battle is long and hard, but in the end the demon is badly wounded and out of men, and we've pushed them back through the portal into their home turf. I have a handful of hitpoints, as does the paladin and the sorceress. The only spells left were 2 heals from the cleric, who was saving them for the endgame. The demon is on its home plane, and if it dies here, it dies forever, so it is scared as hell. It starts begging to be sparred, and how it will never rise against the paladin again (sense motive proved it was full of shit.) The paladin moves in for the kill, I follow him, when the DM takes me aside. He tells me that the demon locks eyes with me and I hear a voice in my head saying that he will give me all of his power if I will use it to strike down the Paladin.

*Audible gasp from those in the thread*

>>5117854
Type faster.

>>5117854

OMGWTFBBQWAAGH!!!!

Once again the lure of power comes calling back to me. The succubus from earlier whispers in my ear that with all of that power I would command legions of demons, and I could make the world burn. Even though the demons were defeated today, they have an eternity to plot their vengeance, they will only have to wait untill the time is right. I told the demon I would gladly take his power, and the paladin would fall at my feet.

>>5117899
Ooooooh boy, I see where this is going.

And I LIKE IT.

>>5114798

WHY IS PARIS HILTON HOLDING A NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL ALBUM
WHY
WHY
WHY
I FEEL SO FUCKING VIOLATED
I LOVE THAT BAND

We used miniatures so combat would run smoothly, mostly reaper but I'm a gwfag, so I was using a plastic warrior of chaos. The dm gave me my new and improved character sheet (he planned this at the beginning of the session before that, and snagged a copy of my character sheet) and I said that my model wasn't going to cut it, so i went to my car and grabbed my demon prince (it was the 40k one, but it had the wings and the cables were barely noticable, so it all worked out fairly well, as it dwarfed the paladin's reaper mini.)

I called out to the Paladin, and I told him that today i would repay him for the insult he dealt me long ago in that small village surrounded by orcs. I said that I would wash my axe with the blood of the innocent and that I would end all that he had grown to love. A deathly silence fell over the table...

>>5117937
I know what you mean, mang.
NMH is fuckin' gorgeous.
Nothing is sacred anymore. D:

>>5117950
>>5117937

/mu/ trolls detected

Noooo....! Don't kill the pally! D:

>>5117948
oh.
my.
god.

>>5117948
his name, lad. What was your warriors name? you haven't mentioned it yet.

>>5117966
Actually, I've never clicked /mu/. I just kind of assumed they had horrendous taste. Being a music snob I'd throw up all over their Tool and Disturbed and junk.

>>5117983
See
>>5117703
Old Kjellmir Bloodskull

To say the fight was epic would be an understatement. The cleric healed up the paladin and the sorceress fell to her knees and wept, as her closest companion just became an avatar of pain and suffering and planned to loose himself on the world she had given up so much to protect. The Paladin said something to the effect of "It pains me deeply to see you do this to yourself, I will mourn for you" and then he charged me. He knew I was deadly on the charge so he acted to deny me my greatest strength. Despite being a third of my height and being outmatched he managed to keep me on the defensive, and he got me down to about a third of my hit points, while only losing about a quarter of his.

>>5117983
Here.
>>5117703
> Kjellmir Bloodskull

>>5118004
DAMMIT MAN, I HAVE WORK TOMORROW, I MUST SSSLLLEEEEEEPPP.

>>5118018
Sleep is for the weak and puny!

The Paladin fought with the strength of his ancestors, all the angels above looked down on their chosen so and smiled as the abomination staggered under the weight of his blows. His righteous fury ripped chunks of the blackened armor off the demon and spilled the black ichor that sustained him on the floor. He drew back behind his shield and offered me one last chance to surrender, to account for what I had done. He wanted to see if there was still any good left in the thing that had utterly consumed his friend and twisted it into this foul monstrosity.

>>5118004

*starts holding breath*

*prays not a Bel-Air*

>>5118037
Gah! The suspense is killing me!

>>5118037

OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK GOD DAMMIT F5ING LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH STAR

>>5118037

OMG!!!! HERE COMES TEH AUNTIE AND UNCLE PART!!! IT?S ALWAYS TEH BESTEST PART =D

The demon unfurled its wings and took to the sky, the paladin looked up hopelessly as the demon gained altitude before diving down with his axe. The impact was so strong that a cloud of dust formed around the combatants. Finally the dust cleared. The Paladin had fallen, the axe was lodged deep in his chest. He looked up at the demon and mouthed the word "why" before everything faded to black.

>>5118037

>>5118069
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>5118069

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

DUDE YOU JUST KILLED OPTIMUS PRIME OH MY GOD

>>5118069
!!!!!!!

>>5118069

>>5118069

>the axe was lodged deep

this would make an pretty epic novel!

>>5118079
WHERE'S HOT ROD WHEN YOU NEED HIM.

The demons who witnessed the fight began a mighty roar, praising their new master. The cleric began to charge the demon in a fatal act of defiance, and the sorceress fell to her knees. The cleric rained ineffective blows onto the walking sin against nature that just cast down the greatest hero of an age as if he were nothing. The demon grabbed his shoulder, slapped the make out of his hand and calmly said "the paladin still draws breath, you should tend to him."

>>5118069
HOLY SHIT!

There isn't an image for what I'm feeling right now.

>>5118106

>>5118106

someone archive this thread

>>5118106
If I end up like this I will not forget this thread, and your story. You are awesome.

>>5118106

You all and I have all lost five years from our lifespans from reading this emotional rollercoaster of a thread.

I feel honored. Given a thousand lifetimes, I would never deviate from this path I have chosen.

oh fuck

>>5118134
>There are a few working on it. Also, seconded.

>>5118063
Dammit, don't even joke about that.

Any more?

Sir! Radar shows massive win approaching!

>>5118149

Nor would I. In days far ahead our children and their children will rue that they were not here on this day, witness to this incredible display of FUCKING AWESOME.

I smellz me sum epic levuh demon dueling >=D

I killed the demon, without its power it could do nothing. It wanted to know why I didn't finish the paladin, and I replied "you asked me to defeat him, and I did, our bargain is finished, I have no more use for you." I led the rest of the party out of the portal, and sealed it behind me. The bard had a few healing spells left and he got the paladin back and moving. Before he could say anything, I told him that in the end I was powerless to resist so much power, and in the end evil triumphed and I still could not remain strong in the face of temptation. He had taught me how to control that power though, and now I had achieved immortality on my own terms. He smiled and thanked me for sacrificing my humanity to help him. My character went into semi retirement, he dwells in the ruined city but the paladin made an amulet that lets him summon the demon should he ever need his power. I don't often play with that group anymore, but whenever i am in the area and they are gaming I stop in to play the demon for a session or two.

>>5116061
>When I finish the speech, the bard stops playing and asks the crowd "what do we do to murderers?"

Beautiful.

>>5118177

>>5118177

That was one of the most EPIC Stories I have ever read. I'm going to go smoke a cigarette and go to bed. Thank you, WW, and good night.

My LORD! this is a fucking EPIC TRAGEDY! To be privy to this kind of a group I would be willing to give up my left nut and best dice. It would be that awesome. This thread has been SO worth following. And I don't namefag unless i'm talking about maps and dungeons or participating in something great.

That was all fuckawsome.

Tell us one of the story's where he summons you, please? Sleep is overrated anyway.

>>5118177
Baaaaaaaaaaawwww
*clap clap*
Beautiful man. Beautiful.

>>5118177

Thank you for an entertaining evening. Good night, and good luck.

This thread was archived at: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5114798/

Give it a good vote at sup/tg/ so other fatguys will know the awesome found in this thread.

>>5118177
I feel inspired.

I have lived a life worth living, having witnessed this greatness.

>>5118177

>>*slowclap.gif*
But I can't find that, so we'll have to make do with this. No daemon, devil, fel beast, or tiefling will ever equal you. This needs to be saved in the name of Niceguy Evil. I'm voting for archive as well.

Gods Bless.

>>5118201
make that just a FUCKING EPIC. Good God that was great...

A little bit anti-climactic but still a fuck win story. Especially considering you managed to dispatch a several shitty characters in the process.

>>5118177
Totally fucking awesome story bro.

One-million internets to Wasteland Warrior.

Reminds me of why I play RPGs in the first place!

>>5118222
I got ya covered.

Wait, he thanked you for helping him? The demon was on the ropes before your little stunt. He didn't need any help until you decided to slice him in the back.

That said, the story was frigging epic. You rock, sir.

I thank you sir for gracing us with your stories.
Epic Indeed.

THIS IS THE ONLY THREAD I'VE EVER SAID THIS IN!!

ARCHIVE NOW!!!!!

I give this thread a Very Yes.

>>5118177
Nicely done, sir. This was a very entertaining thread/derail, and i thank you for it.

>>5118217
NOT COMPLETE! BAD! NEED FULL EPIC-WIN-NESS!

>>5118261
if the player hadn't taken the course he did the GM would of railroaded it into happening from how the way things went and so in order to not fuck the whole party over WW took the power then raped the demon with it and stopped the evil from ever coming out again which worked out a lot better than it would of otherwise. at least thats how i understand how he wrote it not trying to insult the DM or anything

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5114798/

Here's the link to the archive.

>>5118261
Neutral evil is what he was. He couldn't change that. He had to take the power- it was his purpose throughout his life.

Deciding, "Now that I'm all powerful... You know, I think I'm going to wriggle out of a daemon's contract, still have immortality and the powers of a fairly high level daemon, repay a slight for myself, and NOT kill the paladin who I don't want to kill." however, is about the most awesome thing I believe COULD be done, in a universe of infinite possibilities.

>>5118256

Thank you my bro.

You know what? I hereby declare that we are all bros for witnessing this mythic thread.

>>5118079
>>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU
>>DUDE YOU JUST KILLED OPTIMUS PRIME OH MY GOD

This was my reaction entirely. I was like "You just did the worst thing anyone could do, ever. Optimus Prime why did you have to die, NOOOO."

>>5118283

nah, our dm was pretty cool, he knew I might have fallen so he planned ahead.

I can give a quick story about the summoning, give me a minute to grab another beer and I'll get right on it.

>>5118327
*sniff*
I love you guys.

>>5118341
YES

DO IT

just fyi you only have about 20 posts left until thread limit

>>5118341
Yessss....

You need to write more stories for us. They're helping to nullify the effects of summer on /tg/.

I'm still not seeing the full thread. It cuts off shortly after he first describes the paladin as optimus prime in half elven form.
Is it there, and I'm retarded, or was it archived like, two hours ago?

I am rendered speechless. This is the most epic story I have ever read. Ever. Your DM should get a lifetime achievement award, and you should get a freaking Pulitzer prize, along with the rest of the group.

Now if only modern authors could write up these kinds of page-turners... ser WW, I think I can speak for everyone when I say you have earned yourself the blessings of /tg/. Thank you. *bows*

>>5118346

I love you too man.
>>5118365

FUCK IT, we'll ride the autosage. I know I'M not leaving until he's done. If he wants to post a new thread, he will.

Oh, and here's an artists rendition of the Paladin Optimus Prime vs. Fallen Kjellmir Bloodskull. Bear in mind it may have been more awesome than this, but this is the best the artist was capable of envisioning.
<

>>5118383

it takes a while to update

>>5115383

sorry if this has already been covered but its a really long thread and in the time its taken me to read this much its already dropped a page and a half.

This kender stole your ring of sustenance while you were sleeping...?

You were wearing a ring of sustenance. And sleeping.

Why were you sleeping? Doesn't the ring negate that need?

OH GOD YES I CAME

>>5118408

Not a DnD player here (wishing I was after reading this):
Takes a week to align he said, so maybe it wasn't aligned yet but close to it.

So the elf and the paladin keep their characters, and the rest of the party rolled new ones. The bard spent the rest of his life telling the story of how the mighty paladin killed the demon, and how his good friend stayed behind on the other side of the gate to hold off the enemy. The dwarf had enough of the surface world and set up a pawn shop in the underworks of a large city. The cleric planted a forest with the remains of the woods he grew up in right next to the old ruins and visited the demon occaisionally.

The paladin lost his sword, and since he swore an oath when he became a paladin to never lose the holy sword of legends (not actual name but you get the drift) he fell. The demon bought his soul and gave him blackguard powers (by possessing him) which he used to reclaim his sword. Do to the wierd temporal anomaly of a possessed psuedo blackguard reclaiming his paladin powers he was brought up to the celestial planes, along with the demon, to answer for what he had done. The hard line celestials believed that i was an abomination and the paladin had damned himself by consorting with me (they were unable to scry what happened in hell, so they didn't get the whole picture) and the paladin ended up having to prove his story by tracking down the ranger and the wizard from their respective planes. In the meantime I was kept under constant watch by the celestial s because they needed me for the trial. I asked to see the priestess whom I murdered, so I could beg for forgiveness. She forgave me and at the conclusion of the trial I was allowed to occasionally stay in the celestial planes provided I served the forces of good and at all times i was supervised by the priestess. Pretty sweet deal for a killhappy monster.

>>5118408

the ring lets you go with only 2 hours of sleep a night, instead of the full 8.

>>5118440

Oh.

Oh crap.

I hate it when I find out way after the fact that in a given game I inadvertently cheated... >.<

>>5118435

The tale so awesome it couldn't be truthfully told. That poor bard. Then again, he witnessed this in person, so that has to be some solace.

What about the Sorceress? Did your demon ever make up with her again after he almost broke her heart?

>>5118482

The way she saw it was now instead of having to watch another human friend wither and die she has another companion for eternity. (GM redid some of the upper limits for ages, dwarves could get into the 10,000nds and elves at one point just stopped aging, but to counter it their fertility rate was abysmally low and they could will themselves to die when they felt they had lived a full enough life.)

Wasteland Warrior, I just want to thank you for sharing your story in this thread. It has been beyond epic.

>>5118435
One of the most beautiful endings to a great life.
Great story, WW.

>>5118522

Your DM is awesome.
Your party is awesome.
You're awesome.

Guys:

>>/tg/ T-Shirts:
>>I WAS THERE FOR THREAD 5114798
>>OPTIMUS PRIME IS A HALF ELF PALADIN
>>I REMEMBER KJELLMIR BLOODSKULL

Wasteland Warrior, you are awesome. And the people you play with are awesome.

You know how awesome you are? I hate heroic fantasy, especially D&D, with a deep burning hatred. And now I want to join a group just for the chance to experience something like that.

Well, it's been a time and a half, but I need to get some shut eye, so I'm gonna cash out.

However, I'll be back tomorrow around 10ish local time (central time, US) so if y'all recognize my namefaggotry in a thread and I have a good story that's relevant i'll be sure to tell it. If there is a cool dm or terrible player thread I usually check those (paranoid as hell about being brought up negatively...

fuck it, I'me not getting payed enough to be attentive before noon, yall got time for a quick story where I bitch a little? It's the origin of Kjellmir Bllodskull and what I eventually learned was a god awful railroad?.

>>5118637

Sure, your words are ear candy.

>>5118637

spit it

It's not like this thread is doing anything else. Plus you is pretty good that whole describing what happened in game thing.

Guys, go to 4chanarchive and request this to be archived

That said, Wasteland Warrior, please continue

>Whats the best way to rape a fellow player in dnd 3.5?

Level 20 monk, flurry of blows.

You can perform unarmed strikes with any part of your body, and as such can grapple and flurry a fellow PC's anus into oblivion.

>>5118637

Roll it my bro, roll it. ROLL THE TAPE *roll the tape!*

Ya know what i just remembered, that story of the kender stealing the ring was the first d&d related story I've ever read on /tg/ and was what made me start coming here regularly. This thread is like I'm coming full circle.

>>5118637
Continue.

>>5118655
no his words are more like hot fantasy ear sex than ear candy

Well it's more like eye cand-er fantasy sex, if we want to be anal about it.

Let the skull fucking continue Wasted.

>>5118687
i dont really want to know who checked the rules closely enough to realize you could do that but it makes me want to roll a monk just so i can do that to the BBEG of the next campaign i am in

Have we reached the post limit or something?

This is the first thread on /tg/..... I am disappoint.

Did you ever say what happened to the chud? Unless I completely failed reading I think last he was mentioned was rolling a halfling.

>>5118779
Did you even read Wasteland Warrior's story?

>>5118779
The OP is a deception. Inside is a mastercraft collection of Billy and awesome stories.

/co/mrade visiting.

Man. I love you, fa/tg/uys. When you do epic, you do EPIC.

>>5118655

Alrighty, so I was invited into what was pretty much the only game in town, and I rolled up a badass fighter. Named him Kjellmir Bloodskull, the slayer of men and the augmenter of sorrow. He was your basic shock trooper build, a glass cannon who focused on great cleaving his way through piles of enemies. Anywho, he was part of a campaign where dmpc faggotry was rampant and " broken characters died fast" my first character was a barbarian who was killed for the crime of having his minimum damage while raging and power attacking one hitting goblins, the very same goblins who had a +17 to hit while the party was at level 8.

I managed to miss out on the worst of it, but i ended up getting gutted by a level 20 assassin who dual wielded katanas that did d6 strength damage per turn. I found out that the 3 months i was playing were the only parts of the campaign any of the players considered not shitty.

My problem was I wrote up a great character who was fun to play, the only problem was that I was going to school during the fall so i was away from my regular group, which broke up in my absence and has yet to say a thing to each other since last January.

So i go to the local gaming group at the college, which is fucking chud city. There is a call of cthulu game that descended into slapstick bufoonery, a shadowrun game which from what i saw, consisted of 97% planning and 3% bathroom breaks and a 3.5 gestalt game wherein the characters are practically invincible. I join one of the smaller games of 3.5 dnd ( i was warey of 4th ed at the time, and while I do enjoy parts of it, Fighters the like of Kjellmir simply can't be made with the current rules) and I find my first group consists of 4 furries and an asspie with rape fantasies. I quickly move on to another group, where I am the only non wizard in the group, and it turned out to be a bunch of the scrawniest motherfuckers you've ever seen going on a brains over brawn masturbatory power trip via dnd. Finally i end up in an anything goes game, where I shelve Kjellmir for another time. Its pretty much rifts, only with d20, and the party consists of an Enclave soldier (me) a half dragon cleric of tiamat who plays the entire family at one and a girl who wanted to play as a digimon. We are joined by a guy who's sole motivation in any game is to "kill shit and drink ale" and some dude with adhd so bad a bullet to the brain wouldn't slow him down. Needless to say I decided to spend my free time drinking heavily so i would be too hungover to game.

After that vent, I'm gonna hit the hey, thanks for letting me bitch about shitty games i was in. I'll be sure to tell another suitably epic story next time I'm free.

Wasteland Warrior, you are an awesome player. All the players in that group are awesome. Your DM is awesome. You all win one internet each.

I'm envious, I wish I could find a group and DM so awesome.

Sadly, finding the right combo of players and DM among the generally socially retarded folks that infest our hobby are roughly equal to a snowball's chance in Hell. While the rest of the fa/tg/uys here also heap praise upon you, most of them would be the CHUDs you describe.

Wastetland Warrior-
so long, and thanks for all the fi- I MEAN TALES

>>5118783

last post for the night, i swear.

chud's new character died in the beginning of the assault on the undercity. He got killed by being bullrushed off a bridge that was a good 150 feet in the air. He splattered and got pissed, and started rolling a new character. We told him that we would be meeting in a different place next week then we started playing at the dude's apartment, somehow we forget to tell him about it. Next time there is a bad roleplayer thread and I'm online I'll tell yall more about him.

Goodnight.

Wasteland Warrior...

just...

wow.

As a writer, I am amazingly inspired by your tale of tragedy, redemption, enlightenment, betrayal, cunning, and love (the friendship kind of love makes for better story than the romantic kind of love). I must say that you wrote here a better tale than any concept I've ever come up with and shelved, and most novels I've read. That it came from a presumably real life campaign does not lessen its impact.

You and your group should really think of working on a novellization of your campaign. You and the Bard I imagine. It would probably be better than 99% of the derivative crap out there written for the game, I'm sure of it.

>>5118883

fuck, you guys keep saying nice shit right when i want to log off. If any good writefags actually want to do this i would be glad to contribute, but just not now.

As bad an idea as this is, here's my email adress. If yall need anything, want a rpg related story or are doing some writefaggotry drop me a line. [email protected]

>>5118946
you know by saying if you want an rpg related story everyone is gonna be mailing you just to see what it is since what you've written here was that awesome

ONE MORE REQUEST ON 4CHANARCHIVE AND IT SHALL BE FOREVER SAVED THERE

DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT

Wasteland Warrior

That is the first name on 4chan that will stick with me out of admiration and not out of simply seeing it five trillion times. I shall buy the finest, largest, most expensive hat simply to doff it to you. The first named user on 4chan I am willing to not simply drop the word fag from, but to hail as a quality person. And it was a story about a 3.5 D&D campaign with a paladin and a kender rogue.

>>5118997
Seconded.
Let this tale be repeated by bards of future generations!
I mean, I voted.

>>5118999
He's the first non-anonymous to ever achieve true awesomeness on entire 4chan.

YES!
It's been voted 5 times, sweet

Wasteland Warrior, your storytelling will not have been in vain!

>Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 5114798

And we have takeoff.

WW, I'm the one who posted what you responded to, and honestly I'd love to try my hand at it but I'm not confident I could pull it off for you. I have my ass tied down with a dozen projects I give priority.

However most of my story ideas are not tales of such powerful moral definition. You've proven to me that the moral tale can still be a good one.

A fine tale. I'm glad I was here to hear it told.

The obligatory comment:

Posting in an epic thread.

>>5119019
Are you new here or something?
A lot of name/tripfags made/contributed content to epic threads.