CUTEBOLDS!

That's got to be the second worst name for an alien civilization ever. Tnuctipun is still the winner though.

>>5538320
An alien approximation of cutebolds!?

That alien looks like a cross between a cat, a baloon, a fish and a vacuum cleaner.

>>5538718
I think it's kind of creepy.

theys some blowjob lips

"Uhh... Well, y'see... there were these guys, called humans, they were carbon based bipeds and- Is that guy just going to float there the whole time? I mean... yeah, sure he has no legs, but does he have to, y'know, rotate like that?"

>>5538927
Why yes he will, also don't try to stop him from rotating, he has diplomatic immunity.

>>5538962

Ah. right.

Well, these humans had the ability for extraplanetary flight, but had the misfortune of a lack of a supreme leader. So despite new and incredible things being invented every year, it took them decades to impliment much of them in spaceflight.

One incredible thing that I have made note of is the fact that they went from powered land vehicles to space flight in under two centuries.

That is very rapid development, but if they took so long to implement new technologies, and lacked centralised leadership then how did they forge an interstellar empire without being destroyed by their rivals, or by civil disputes?

Well, your average human was seven feet tall if they were an inch, with a shock hair red as the fires of hell themselves.

They lived in a highly corrosive environment of various gasses commonly used today as rocket fuels. It is speculated that they would take these gasses somehow into their body so that they could burn it internally to propell themselves. This could explain the firey hair.

They would chase down and consume, get this, other animals! They would place these poor beasts in some kind of internal storage device and baste them in variety of acids while the heats from their infernal rocket-glands boiled the poor creature to death in an attempt to add the creatures energy stores and fat to their own. Any part of the beast that couldnt be processed by this...inate matter-energy converter would be regurgitated and depeosited in shining stone bowls filled with water in a religious ceremony they would perform often. Somehow, they believed that doing this would keep disease away. As though a rotting carcass in a water-filled bowl would do anything but promote disease!
interestingly though, it was not disease that killed the humans, for, indeed, they seemed to be unaffected by the diseases they carried. Their few contacts with other races almost invariably led to that race suffering an epidemic cacused by the diseases found on the human's trade goods. It is rumored that they even used this to their advantage to disable enemy militaries. But this is off course just hearsay, since no race would ever be so barbaric.

Truly, these humans were ferocious mother fuckers.

>>5539108
>Any part of the beast that couldnt be processed by this...inate matter-energy converter would be regurgitated and depeosited in shining stone bowls filled with water in a religious ceremony they would perform often
It took me a second to get this, but I lol'd.

>>5539108
How utterly shocking! Please, what else can you tell us about their civilization?

Someone get those Aliens in from District 9 in here. I'm pretty sure they have a thing or two to say.

>>5539277

I must take offense to the frankly appalling lack of education displayed by my "colleague" >>5539108 , if I can call him that.

From what we know today, it is obvious that humans were first and foremost a biological agent, a parasite if you will. Your average human was riddled with several thousand species of symbiotic bacteria. We speculate that these are the primary agent by which humans conducted warfare, which is one point mentioned by my colleague to which I grudgingly agree.

Their manner of reproduction was such that the physically stronger members of the species would bully and deceive the weaker ones, often resorting to intoxicating them with substances that were toxic to EVEN THE HUMAN METABOLISM, until a stronger one would be able to enforce planting a parasitic larva into the entrails of the weaker one. From observing ancient video writings it would seem the process is very painful to the weaker one. The larva would apparently gestate in the entrails of the weaker one for several time cycles before bursting forth in an orgy of blood and agony. Speaking of blood, it is worth mentioning that humans had high amounts of iron in it. Yes, IRON, the metal found only deeply in the crust of rocky worlds. From this we can extrapolate that the nutrition of humans consisted not only of animals - as my colleague claims - because to obtain the iron then needed they would almost certainly have to ingest rocks at regular rates.

They believed orbital bodies to be made of fermented bovine lactate.
They spent a great deal of time precariusly balanced on large animals attempting to knock eachother off with large sticks of metal.
They spent a great deal of their time concerning themself with defence against ficticious alien menaces and implausable monstrous beasts, indicating a society of easilly frightened prey animals, yet at the same time, they would fire off weapon systems into the sky mearly to be entertained by the lights and sounds, indicating a race of fearless warriors proud of their weapons technology.

Truly they were an inigma of a species.

Well, humans weren't really all that odd, they were like most land based mammals really.

Most embarrassingly however, at some point in evolution they lost most of their fur coat. How hilarious! In fact, at this point in time, they are the only know intelligent warm blooded creature to have used clothes!

Current achaeological findings show that they're temples were flat single story buildings, with uncomfortable seating for the worshippers, but none for the Priests, whose altar completely seperated the worshippers from the clerics.

Today we recognize human shrines by the symbol of two yellow arches, side by side. This mark was often held aloft on giant metal pillars for all around to see.

Of the religion itself, we know very little, save that it's supreme god was a humanoid figure with bright red hair, a white face, and yellow and red clothing.
The divine antagonist in the religion would appear to have been a man whose eyes are covered in a black mask, and wears sinister black clothes, and a spotted, possibly diseased face.

>>5539091

My collegues and I have been formulating a theory to explain this. As you know, all intelligent species spend most of their early history fighting themselves until one polity or organization rises to dominate them all. We believe that the "humans" never left this stage, simply expanding into the stars before their native government could unify them. We also believe this may be the underlying factor behind their rapid technological innovation, as they would struggle to maintain their dominance without the calming effects of an universal government, as well as all the failsafes found in their equipment, to prevent enemies from using them. However, this indicates an aggressiveness unknown to us civilized peoples of the galaxy, and makes us wonder how they fit into galactic politics.

>>5539347
Oh please. Anyone with a two-bit education knows of the great rock grinders and sand spreaders the humans maintained. Their consumption of rocks was hardly contained to just iron. They would often scrape the seas with great purifiers, not to aquire clean water as we would do for a number of our manufacturing processes, but to aquire a number of naturally occuring salts and chemicals found within the water. They would inject these salts directly into their bloodstream to thicken their blood. The exact reasoning for this, is, of course, unknown, but I have made a number of speculations in my books regarding their apparent need to slow down their own metabolism, as any race that relies on rocketfuel as its primary means of propulsion must clearly be moving far too fast to accomplish anything.

I am also, dear compatriate, inclined to disagree on your laughable research as to the human's means of reproduction. Do you see any offspring being produced in those old videographic records? No! This is clearly an attempt at recreation by the larger members of the species. This is why some cases have shown that when no suitable weaker caste can be found, the larger members of the species will recreate with eachother. How else would you explain the inconsistancies regarding the orafice into whcih the "larva" is planted?
No, humans maintained a symbiotic relationship with a long-legged avion creature for reproduction. Reports are still inconclusive, but many acient earth hyroglyphs have shown that this avian creature brings human offspring to a pair of mates who possess an object refered to as "love."

What is "love"?

Unfortunatly, this is a question that the humans themselves would often ask between bouts of pleeding for mercy. Clearly the human biology was so complex that not even they understood how they reproduced.

>>5539277
Busy making humans explode in showers of blood.

>>5539477
These are, we believe, three of their greatest philosophers.

One strange thing with humans is that half of them have a small,vulnerable tube with many pain receptors. My own theory is that it was meant for Marking terrain.

>>5539579
An interesting theory. The general shape of the tube was quite prominant in much of their archetecture and media. Indeed, they appeared to have some sort of facination with it.
One can especially note a difference between the stronger members of the species, and those without the tube. Those without the tube appeared to have, on average, a 4 point strength difference according to the Thromm-Szhaboht scale.

what game is this

>>5539579
You forget, dear colleague, that the humans who did not have a tube, had a small hole, large enough for the tube to fit in. I think this was used to tranfer nutrients to one ofthe two. Also, those with a hole have two bags on their chests that seem to be filled with nutrients. I believe that this was a way to store nutrients so that they could be transfered to the partner and used in times of famine.

>>5539607
The little purple tube was obviously the seat of their central nervous system. We know that because the tube exists in the weaker ones as well, but it is degenerate and internalized, which corresponds to data we have, the weaker ones being also intellectually inferior and used to run errands for the larger ones such as processing nutrients and obsessing over the minutiae of "clothing", as the fur substitute was called. It also makes sense that the one thing a species would flaunt that much is its intellectual superiority, and therefore the size of the purple tube.

>>5539664
But then why were nearly all tubes covered in later ages? Even if they covered nothing else!

>>5539718
Clearly the species valued physical prowess over intellectual abilities. They wished to not be judged by the size of their purple tube, but rather by their physical abilities or ability to hold much fat.

>>5539718
Why, to protect them, of course!

>>5539794
My dear coleague, this is a load of humbug! After the humans covered their tubes, technology improvement seems to have gone faster!

Please, coleagues, please! Let's not start shouting at each other! We wish for this discussion to remain civil, do we not?

This thread is awesome!
Never change, /tg/!

>>5539949
You are right, my friend. We clearly have spent too much time with our minds immersed in human matters. We are begining to adapt their bizzare, violant natures. We must remain in control of ourselves.