Help me stranger!Doctor 'Ward' tied me up here and plans to perform his evil experiments on me!
FEAR NOT, FAIR MAIDEN! YOU SHALL BE FREED!HIYA! *breaks open the chains with the power of GOODNESS*HERE, MILADY, TAKE MY CLOAK TO COVER YOUR FLESH AGAINST THE COLD!
ASSFUCKING DICKSHITTING CUNTNIGGERTHIS IS A BLUE BOARD.CENSOR YOUR PORN.
"i'm back and the doc is IN! time to collect some spare parts!"
FEAR NOT, FAIR MAIDEN! I HAVE COME TO SA--OH. WELL THIS IS AWKWARD.
>>19951612AWAY WITH YE, VILLAIN! OR YOU SHALL HAVE TASTE OF MY SWORD!
Well this isn't fair for you at all. But simply freeing you isn't fair for the doctor. I guess I'll bite the bullet for both of you and swap places.
Did anybody else immediately think of that chick from Shadowgate who's actually a wolf and when you save her she turns into a wolf and bites your throat out?Because that was what I immediately thought of. I even looked for the tail.
BAH! AWAY WITH YOU, DO-GOODERS. THE WOMAN IS COMING WITH ME!
>>19951618ICA?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE PALADIN-COLLEGE!
>>19951642MORR!? IS THAT YOU? HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN? TWELVE YEARS? MY GODS, IT'S BEEN THAT LONG?
>>19951662INDEED! AND I SEE THAT WE BOTH STILL CAN NOT CONTAIN OUR MIGHTY VOICES! WE SHOULD GO HAVE A DRINK TOGETHER ONE OF THESE DAYS, CATCH UP ON OLD TIMES, THOUGH TILL THEN->cough coughAWAY WITH YE, FOUL VILLAIN! THIS INNOCENT MAIDEN IS MY CHARGE AND SHE WILL ESCAPE THIS PLACE WITHOUT HARM!
DO NOT CRY MY LADY, FOR I, DANTA-OH HEY GUYS! I DIDN'T KNOW OTHER PALADINS WERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. HAVE YOU SEEN SIR GRYAN OF THE BLACKWOOD? HOW IS THAT OLD COOT?
>>19951694NAH, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN A YEAR. LAST I HEARD, HE WAS OUT FIGHTING DRAGONS.
>>19951694I MUST APOLOGIZE, GRAND SIR, FOR I CAN NO-WAIT, DANTA, IS THAT YOU?
>>19951707>>19951703>>19951694>>19951693Attention, all Hell Knights, Fiendish Overlords and their Minions abandon base. The Holy Order of Teejees White Knights has arrived.
>>19951707MORR, YOU OLD BRAGGART! I'D RECOGNIZE YOUR HERALDRY ANYWHERE!>>19951703THAT'S SIR GRYAN FOR YOU. THAT MAN COULD NEVER STAND THE THOUGHT OF A FLYING LIZARD GOING UNMOLESTED.
>>19951694ANOTHER ONE OF OUR ORDER? WHAT A COINCIDENCE! GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN DANTALEON! HOW'S THE CRUSADE TO THE EAST COMING ALONG?
>>19951727THAT IT IS. SO HOW HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING BUSY?
OP here, what have I made?I just wanted a thread to pay out M. Wards guro fetish.
>>19951745(Dang it, forgot my picture.)
Well, since you're all here, can I get you guys anything to drink?
>>19951563Firt of all, fuck her.Then choke her and fuck her at the same time.When she's dead, fuck her again.
>>19951725HAHA, IT APPEARS, MY GOOD FRIENDS, THAT GOODNESS HAS WON ANOTHER GLORIOUS DAY! NOW, LET US SAVE THE FAIR MAIDEN AND HAVE A VICTORY FEAST, I KNOW JUST THE TAVERN FOR THIS GRAND OCCASION!NOW, BROTHERS! TO VICTORY! FOR GOODNESS!
>>19951753SOME WATER WOULD BE FINE GOOD SIR. HAD A NASTY RUN IN WITH A FIRE MAGE EARLIER TODAY.
FOR THE NORT...Damn it!I always come in second!How many perople did that fucking farmer give this quest?
>>19951750And you got a paladin CLASS OF '82 REUNION.That's /tg/!>laugh track
This seems like a trap, not that it's ever stopped me before. I'll toss a blanket on her and begin working to free her.
>>19951753>taking drinks from doctor wards creepy hunchback assistantDo you have pepsi?
Hey, uh has anyone seen any dragons around here?My last *ahem* 'mount' kiiiind of uh... Flew away.
>>19951737WELL, IT WAS HARD, ESPECIALLY AT FIRST. IT TURNS OUT THAT IT WASN'T THE ORIENTATION THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIGHT. I WAS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THE EASTERNERS! IMAGINE THAT!NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT GOT QUITE A BIT EASIER AFTER THAT.>>19951745WELL, LATE LAST NIGHT I STABBED URASH'AEL THE UNSULLIED BECAUSE HE TURNED OUT TO BE SATAN IN THE GUISE OF SEVEN FAIR MAIDENS DISGUISED AS A KNIGHT. I WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED BUT FOR THE HELP OF A BLACK RAVEN REPRESENTING THE MOTHER CHURCH AND THIS CHICK I PICKED UP IN CAELIA. HER NAME IS OONA OR SOMETHING. SHE'S WAITING ON A DONKEY OUTSIDE.
Uh... Guys? When are you, like, gonna fight the BBEG and shit? He didn't make us just to stand around and serve drinks y'know.
she's naked and sitting on the floor and there's star and it's dirty and dirty straw is going into her vagina and up her bum oh gosh
Atention to our costumers, today is 2x1 in HolyBurgers and Saintnuggets, also if you are a Holy Knight, drinks are free.
>>19951779I'VE BEEN OUT HUNTING WITCHES MYSELF. MOST OF THEM ARE ALRIGHT GALS, BUT THEN YOU FIND THE ONE OR TWO WHO THINK THAT STUFFING CHILDREN IN OVENS IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, AND YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM DOWN.
>>19951792>also if you are a Holy Knight, drinks are free.Damn...
>>19951766SOUTH PRI-oh, you
>>19951808Cheer up old chum, maybe one day you to can be a Holy Knight, you just have to work at it.
>>19951779HAH! THAT'S FINE. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. WHY, A FEW MONTHS AGO, I ENDED UP MISTAKING A BUNCH OF WINDMILLS FOR GIANTS!ONLY WHADDYA KNOW, THEY -WERE- ACTUALLY JUST POORLY-DISGUISED GIANTS. OH, THE THRASHING I GOT THAT DAY. AHEHEHEHEH.... I'LL SHUT UP NOW.
>>19951773GRYAN, YOU OLD WARHORSE! YOU WERE ALWAYS TOO LENIENT ON YOUR MOUNTS. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT WHEN YOUR MOUNT MISBEHAVES, YOU SMITE IT. THAT'S WHAT I DO, AND MY HORSE IS NICE AND QUIET NOW.IT ALSO FALLS DOWN A LOT AND HAS TROUBLE DRINKING WATER, BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.>>19951783HOLD ON A MINUTE, WASTREL. MY BROTHER KNIGHTS AND I HAVE A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO.>>19951794GOOD MAN. I TRUST WITCHES ABOUT AS FAR AS I CAN THROW THEM. OF COURSE, I CAN THROW THEM QUITE FAR.
>>19951794>I'VE BEEN OUT HUNTING WITCHES MYSELF. MOST OF THEM ARE ALRIGHT GALSderogatory term for an occupationaiming it solely at women>BUT THEN YOU FIND THE ONE OR TWO WHO THINK THAT STUFFING CHILDREN IN OVENS IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIORovens, small, warm places where things are madelike wombs>AND YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM DOWN.So how long have you held this hatred for women? Are you ready to admit it stems from your own feelings towards your mother?
>>19951750I don't think you accounted for the fact that a /tg/ majority liked Ward now.Plus this turn of events is not disappointing.
....I'm just here to get paid.
>>19951836Join the club, man. Too bad these lawful dipshits ruined everything by barging in.
>>19951812Sorry, just realised my jacket had come off.So, what brings your north, scum?It's not like I'm interested or anything, but it's awkward with just us two fighters in a room full of paladins.
>>19951820EVEN IF THEY HAD NOT BEEN GIANTS IN DISGUISE, YOUR QUEST WAS A WORTHY ONE. WINDMILLS ARE DENS OF INIQUITY, FILLED WITH CRAVENS, BLACKGUARDS, CRIMINALS AND THE DUTCH. WE NEED MORE KNIGHTS OUT THERE LIKE YOU, ICARAEL.
>>19951846You know, the usualfighting for my country and stuffyou?
>>19951845And no subtlety! Always with their "SMITE EVIL!" this, and their "DETECT EVIL!" that. Bloody nuisance.Plus, the whole horns and tail thing makes things complicated when I meet the more stup- I mean zealous paladins.
>>19951827MOST WITCHES ARE A GOOD LOT. HELPING THE VILLIGERS THEY LIVE WITH, HEALING THE SICK WITH POTIONS, THAT SORT OF THING. I OWE MY LIFE TO SEVERAL ACTUALLY, DUE TO SEVERAL RUN INS WITH A MANTICORE. THE SAME MANTICORE. I GOT HIM ON THE FIFTH GO THOUGH.
this thread is gold
>>19951827Oh you know how it is sometimes, I had a sliiight falling out with the guys in charge of this kingdom, kiiiind of get declared a heretic lizard sleeper in this religion...Anyway long story short it's just hard to get the same mounts nowadays. Still, it's good to see the rest of you are doing the good work white knighting.
>>19951563YOU SMELL LIKE A WITCH.LOOK LIKE A WITCH.DRESS LIKE A WITCH.YOU ARE A WITCH.I'M GOING TO TORCH YOU.
>>19951845He's lawful neutral dumbass.
Why, look at all these fine meat walls to stand behind! This looks like an excellent place to be.
>>19951856HAHA, WHAT A JOLLY GOOD DAY TO BE LAWFUL GOOD! BROTHERS, I GOT US ALL THE BEVERAGES WE NEED TO CELEBRATE THIS WONDERFUL DAY!
And the bothers of the knightly order gather in unified strength to bring good and deliver justice to a realm long devoid of these virtues.Pray tell my religious zealots, what good are you bringing to these people and that girl that evil has not already brought?Your righteous speeches are no different from the cruel profanities spewed forth from the monsters and tyrants you slay.You swords and hammers brings death more then these instruments protect. Both innocent and sinned blood run under your feet. And the symbols of power and holiness that adorn every crevice and surface of your plated mail and iron clad flesh and bone oppresses the masses in the same kind of strict obedience and ignorance as though they were tortured and enslaved by the most skilled and insane sadist.That wench you rescued, only traded one life of misery, and of inequality for another. She will spend her days trapped in glistening towers made of ivory and gold, suitored and bride to grooms as unkind and as nefarious as the dear Doctor, sculpting her mind like Ward Sculps her flesh, shackled to the injustices and the evils inherent in your society that you refuse to see and confront.Jailers will always be jailers, and prisoners will always be imprisoned and caged.
>>19951862NONSENSE MY GOOD MAN! EVEN DEVILKIN HAVE NAUGHT TO FEAR IN THE PRESENCE OF WARRIORS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, PROVIDED THAT YOU ARE NOT SATAN IN THE GUISE OF A CASTLE IN THE GUISE OF A TIEFLING. THEN WE'D HAVE WORDS, I'M AFRAID.>>19951863THEY SHOULD TRUST IN THE MOTHER CHURCH'S CLERICS. THOSE THAT REMAINED, THAT IS, AFTER WE DISCOVERED THAT, LIKE, HALF OF THEM WERE SATAN IN THE GUISE OF CLERICS.>>19951868I AM BUT A HUMBLE SERVANT OF GOODNESS AND HONOR. IF YOU MUST NEEDS BORROW ONE OF MY MOUNTS, I WOULD BE HAPPY TO ASSIST A FELLOW KNIGHT. YOU MAY BORROW OLD DROOLY.
>>19951856WHAT'S A DUTCH?
>>19951707>>19951737>>19951763>>19951779YAP YAP YAP YARK YAP YARK KWEH YARP YAK?
>>19951913...Jorgndr?
>>19951861Oh the usual, adventure, raiding small villages, proving a woman is just as good as a man, punching wolves, it's all gets kinda old.I just want a big, strong, musclebound man to come rescue me from being sacrificed, defeat me in combat and ravish me so i can sit around clutching his leg all day like my sister Ingrid.
>>19951895I thought you guys weren't allowed to drink. You know, holy vows and all.And why are you guys always shouting?
>>19951924Hum....I thought all of you northeners were always like that
>>19951910SMARMY BASTARDS IN GOOD NEED OF A SMITING.>>19951901OI! WHO LET THIS BASTARD IN?>>19951909BY THE GODS THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A YEAR. ALL THOSE CLERICS GOING DEMONIC AND RIPPING UP TOWNS. MAKES A MAN WANT TO TURN TO DRINK IT DOES.
>>19951910A KIND OF OLD WOODEN BOAT.>>19951901WHERE DID THIS FURRY CREATURE APPEAR FROM? IS IT SATAN?>>19951895I HAVE TAKEN A HOLY OATH NOT TO DR- HEY IS THAT MEAD?>>19951913Y-YAP YAP YERK KRAK KRORK BARK BARK. YAP YAP, YAP YERK KRAK YAP BARK.
>>19951924Ahh, Northerner sarcasm. As sharp and cold as the weather up there.
>>19951933That's nonsense, heck, for a long time, the only thing safe -TO- drink was booze. That's like saying we can't have sex, which is a Catholic-only thing, and I think those people are nuts.
>>19951933FOR THE MOST PART, WE DON'T DRINK. OR AT LEAST, I DON'T. AS FOR THE SHOUTING, I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHY WE DO IT. IT'S CATHARTIC THOUGH.
>>19951946INDEED, MY GOOD MAN! HAVE A MUG!NOW, MY BROTHERS, I SHALL I REGALE YOU WITH THE TALE OF HOW I DEFEATED THE FEARSOME HORROR-CHICKEN OF NOTREMOR?>>19951933NONSENSE MY GOOD SIR! WE ARE NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE MERELY TALKING VERY QUIETLY!BESIDES THIS, OATHS ARE FOR A KNIGHT TO TAKE, IT IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION!
>>19951939Well it's that or try and farm.Have you ever tried growing wheat in the Permafrost?It's far easier to just come down south and steal the wheat, then claim we grew it ourselves when the neighbours come round
>>19951921YAP YAP KWEKAL YAKKA FLAKKA DING DONG? < " No shit, Kethuraax! Long time no see! " >
>>19951946>>19951945HAH! WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW. YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY.>>19951901IF I'M RIGHT, THE GIST OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT OUR WORKS ARE BUT DUST IN THE WIND.WELL I BEG TO DIFFER, AND I'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT BECAUSE I NEED A DRINK.
>>19951901Oh, you'd think that wouldn't you? That just because we might not be perfect that we are just scum with good public relations.Sadly you are wrong, the ways of the Paladin are those of hard work and digilence. If your aiding a man only leads to him becomeing a target for suffering in the future, have you truly aided him?I say nay. A Paladins work- and indeed the work of any Man, Woman or Child be they Lawfull Good or Chaotic Evil is to aid one another, to help create a Utopia for all to be able to suceed and survive.If that means we have to be trained to combat those who wish otherwise so be it and if it is impossible to non-lethally subdue our foes very well. For we are not truly perfect, but by all that is holy we try to be.Pic related, he's my squire, I'm training him in knightly ways after I *ahem* defeated the Red Dragon Garthilex in a long hard night of *cough* mortal combat.He may not follow my god, be my species or even speak any language I understand, but by Jove I'm going to teach him Lawfull Good and get myself a scaly harem even if it kills m-Uh... IGNORE THAT LAST PART!
>>19951946>>19951945The devil knows the scriptures better then any silver-tongued preacher, or the holiest of holy men.The worst evil is done when good man do nothing.For grand lies are easier to believe then simple truths.In these twisting eternities, no lie is grander then the concept of good and order.
WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING WITH MY DINNER?
>>19951991>>19951979>>19951962>>19951956Any of you fine gentlemen fancy helping me?Only, it seems Dr Ward had a pet dog.Behind this door.That I may have accidentally opened thinking it was the privvy.Help?
>>19951833>a /tg/ majority liked Ward now.Hahahaha, oh matt, good one.>seriously though we all hate you
>>19952018Big dog. Sure.
>>19951995What the fuck are you ponces yammering about? There's blade work to be done damn it!
>>19951946YAP YARK BARK FARK LARK MARK Y-YIP YAP YAK PATTY-WHACK FACK YAK! < " Oh shit sorry bruh, whats good? I DUNNO ABOUT YOU INDECISIVE PALADINS BUT I COULD USE A DRINK RIGHT ABOUT NOW. Trapped, not stirred. " > >>19951991... Y-Yap? < " S-scaley harem..? " >
>>19951995SOPHISTRY IS FOR LITTLE GIRLS.
>>19951833>/tg/.>Ever liking WardI shiggity diggity.>>19952018SORRY. CATCHING UP WITH OLD FRIENDS. I'D BE GLAD TO HELP.COME HERE PUPPY...OK. THAT IS NOT A PUPPY. THAT IS A HELLHOUND. HELP.
>>19952031STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!... With your scaly, tails and dimunitive stature... So easily tied down and explored.... Every oriface...... I SAID NOTHING!
>>19952065I like the way this man thinks.
>>19952026>>19952055He might be referring to night /tg/ since a couple nights back that had a anti-cruddace thread that put Ward on a pedestal.The worst anyone said of Ward in that thread was "He's not Phil Kelly, but at least he isn't Cruddace".
>>19951964Ah that explains somewhat all of your raids.Good times they were huh.Remember that time where i almost cut off your head with a brick?Good Times
>>19952055Speed would be much appreciated!I've lost my clothes, again, and now there are snakes everywhere too.Or at least I hope they're snakes...
oh baby, now they're together.Now I am together with you, forever.
>>19951991Oh how I pity you, so naive to the society you so dearly protect and uphold.Hard work and diligence though great boons to be found from heroes and champions are found lacking in the hearts of common man. Look how they gravel and fear you as you tread over them, towering above them in your steel plated boots. Asking for forgiveness and begging mercy for the very act of being poor and misbegotten. Looking with dazed eyes and ignorant wits as you proudly trample through their cobbled rubble roads. Notice how they hide in their fecal stained burrows as you pass by, offering what little they have to appease you, not unlike sacrifices made to angry gods and titans to quell their wrath. The richer get richer, while the poor gets poorer, men of merit are snuffed out for lame men of nobility destined by false gods and even falser laws. And you the cog in this great splendidly oppressive machine, will churn and grind until you and the lives you ruin are bloody pulp, ash and dust.
ROAAAAAAAR."Indeed, Sir Bearington. We shall defeat that evil doctor and-"ROAR?"It appears we were not the only ones to talk to that farmer."
>>19952102might I ask you for the sauce?
>>19952136Ultimate Spiderman, actually. iceman has some very unique tastes.
>>19952055Not everyone's riding the Ward hate bandwagon, fag. He's not even remotely the worst fluff writer GW's inflicted upon us, or have you already forgotten the shitstain that was Andy Chambers?
>>19952131SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND START STABBING THESE GOBLINS, OR PELOR HELP ME, I WILL HAVE YOU PEELING POTATOES AND SPIT-SHINING HELMETS UNTIL YOUR FINGERS FALL OFF.Fucking Philosophy students in it for the free college education....
>>19952065YAP, yark-kweh~? < " EVERY oriface~? " >
>>19952055I hope your next codex gets written by Cruddace!Nevermind, I take that back. I hope you get a warddex because I could never bring myself to wish a Cruddace Dex on anyone.
>>19952107Of course! And that time we thought we stole all your women, only to realise that there was a drag queen convention in town and there wasn't a single vagina amongst our captives!
>>19952131dudeholyshitguystherugisfuckingtalkingaboutreligionandshitmanIamtrippingBALLS
>>19952146>>19952102sooo and in which comic does this lizardchick appear?
>>19952107>>19952175Meanwhile, in the West, we just have to worry about the goblin problem. Which reminds me...OI, YOU, WITH THE FUR. I'M NOT SEEING ENOUGH GOBLIN-STABBING IN YOUR AREA.
>>19952158S-STOP I-IT! I MEAN IT! ST-TOP IT OR I'LL- Uhhh... YOU'LL BE SORRY! HONEST! AND NOT IN A SEXY WAY! Probably... URK, I MEAN DEFINATELY!
>>19952175AhahahaThose were good times indeedTimes were simplier back thenWe should get the crews back together one day.It gets kinda boring without you guys
>>19952187Unfortunately it's nothing special, just generic women with lizard tails and stuff. I was disappointed too.
>>19952207YAP! Bark kweh chirp yap bark! < " YES! Make me 'sorry'! " >
>>19952212they were pretty hot though>>19952208Maybe we should team up, get those freaky iron suit wearing people over in the west.Those wierd metal faces creep me out.
>>19952237>>19952207God damnit you guys.Get a fucking room or something
>>19952247Much hotter than normal women, of course.
>>19952237I thought I recognized you.There is something you should probably know about your brother.
>>19952247Forgive me for fighting in something a little more sturdy than that jerkin you're wearing.
>>19951991I'LL DRINK TO THAT! TO HONOR, VIRTUE AND A GOOD MUG OF BEER!>>19952237SORRY, BUT I DON'T SWING THAT WAY MISS.
>>19952237FINE! THATS IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS STUPID SEX- I MEAN CRUDE AND DEMEANING KOBLOD WHORING ITSELF OUT TO EVERYONE ONE IN THIS THREAD AND NOT SPECIFICALLY ME BECAUSE EVIDENTLY I DON'T HAVE ANY SEXUAL INTEREST IN IT.AT ANY RATE, uh, I'LL BE TAKING IT AWAY FOR NOW, TO... DISCIPLINE IT.((God damn it! Why does this happen everytime I see a koblod, stupid sexy beasts. Almost as bad as dragons I tell you...))
>>19952148Wards writing is just objectively shit.He writes (or in some cases, re-writes) Mary Sue characters where they have no real weaknesses and everybody thinks they are top shit. Then they proceed to just be amazing and cool while saving the day.His writing compares to Jennifer Helpers, and I've read hers too.
>>19952297Yipyip yak yiiiiip yakyip.<Can I come too?>
>>19952308Fuck, why did you remind me of DA2....
>>19952297I know right? I know so many other dragons that just whore themselves out to everyone they meet. The nerve I tell you! Gives us other dragonesses a bad name!
>>19952308But "badass dude doing badass things and never losing" is a staple of GW codex writing. Mat Ward can't be singled out from the crowd because he does that, for example SW codex's Ragnar, Njal and Logan, or IG's Straken and Creed are just that and none of them was written by Ward.
>>19952308He does okay at times. But more importantly, I'd take Ward's fluff over cruddace's rules any day of the week. And occasionally Phil Kelly's rules too.
>>19952308>GW's writing is objectively shitFTFY, all their writers do that shit.
>>19952247>>19952288That worked so well against the Southlands huh
>>19952289BARK! < " Nope! " > >>19952272Yap yark kweh? < " Oh you mean this brother? " > >>19952316>>19952297BARK YAP YAP YAP YAK KWEH CHIRP YARK YARK! ~ <3 < " Yes! Take me away for some... Discipline! Hard... Deep... 'DISCIPLINE'! With ropes... Lots of ropes... " >
>>19952297So when are we going to meet the Misses?
OH YOU GUYS AND YOUR FANCY ARMOUR!
>>19952335Not entirely, just because they dont fail out the ass it does not mean they never lose. Read the ultramaries novels, they fail and fuck up at times and things do not go well at all - but it makes the victories all the better. Ward just has them be all amazing, all the time.>>19952344Yeah, this is just a crappy cop-out son.Read anything with the guard in it and they die all the fucking time, main characters too and often over fuck all.
>>19952351You knew? I suppose the blackmail is somewhat redundant, now.
>>19952377>Not entirely, just because they dont fail out the ass it does not mean they never lose. Straken, Creed, Ragnar etc never lose in their codices. How are they less Sue than Calgar or other Ward characters?
>>19952322Yipyak yark yap yipyakyakyarp~ < " Yes, because dragonesses totally aren't whores. " > >>19952389Yapyip yark *cough* Yark 'ark... < " Yes because... * cough* Polymorphing gender-bending shennanigans totally weren't involved in this. " >
>>19952288That? oh I don't fight like that, I fight like this!
>>19952377>Comparing novels to codexs>Comparing stories to propaganda pieces.I shiggitydiggity
>>19952405I-I beg your pardon? Oh I am going to eat you so hard it's not even going to be funny!
>>19952308>[Ward] writes (or in some cases, re-writes) Mary Sue characters where they have no real weaknesses and everybody thinks they are top shit. Then they proceed to just be amazing and cool while saving the day.Your point being? Cruddace is so abominable he shits all over the armies he doesn't like (and, funny enough, he only likes one fucking army) and Andy Chambers was basically Ward, except instead of making characters into Sues (or enhancing the Sueishness of an existing faction, like the Ultramarines) he presided over an alien faction that was SECRETLY BEHIND EVERYTHING HOLYSHIT SO EPIC. Chambers' Necronwank was head and shoulders worse than anything Ward's ever done for 40k, and ironically it took a team of writers that included Ward to strip the setting-wide bullshit out of the Crons. A stripping that at some point involved the Necrons having the power to blow up stars at a whim. Which should tell you how much worse Chambers' Necron shit was in comparison.
>>19952394Yeah, the Spess Wolfs are awful.Marshal Helbrecht gets shit on a lot though.
>>19952424Yipyipyipyak yark~! Yiiiip yip YAP bark! < " Oh yes... 'Eat' me! I'm sure that draconic tongue can work WONDERS. " >
>>19952430Friendly advice, chum: it's not worth getting so worked up about this. 40k fans don't hate Ward because he's a bad writer (otherwise they'd hate pretty much the entire GW stable) - they hate Ward because he changes things. Which, again, should have them hating the entire GW stable.
>>19952374>>19952389NOTHING WRONG WITH A BIT OF ORNAMENTATION ON ONE'S ARMOR, I THINK.
Guys, I just want to remind you of something.This is a totally accurate name.WOLFLORD CANIS WOLFBORN, LORD OF ALL WOLFKIND, WOLFGUARD OF LORD HRATHGAR DEATHWOLF'S GREAT COMPANY OF SPACE WOLVES, WHO RIDES THE FENRISIAN WOLF, FANGIR
>>19952408That is somehow even worse. Are you hoping that the enemy will get an erection and faint due to lack of blood flowing to the wrong head?
>>19952408If you fight like this here you will get the worst sunburn of your life NorthernerI tell you that everytime you come raid hereyou never listenI swear to the Azgher, you bring all of your defeats into yourselves
>>19952451Well FINE, since you- Wait a second, are you trying to trick me?
>>19952430Old Necrons were much better than the new ones. They were actual robots, now they're just people in robot suits.
>>19952461FANGIR IS A LEGITIMATE SPACE NORDIC NAME BORNE BY MY ANCESTORS AND I WOULD HAVE YOU RETRACT YOUR BASE SLANDER OR FACE MY WOLFCOCKI MEAN AXE
>>19952461Surely proof that Phil Kelly is the greatest of GW's writers.
>>19952477Please, let's not enter in this area
>>19952477>faction of retard automatons ruled by a bunch of "gods" worse at their jobs than Abaddon>good
>>19952467Yaaap~?< " Maybe~? " >
>>19952462Maybe...>>19952464Well it's traditional. I mean, do you really think Ragnar the Red was named that because of his hair colour?
>>19952477Surely you can't be serious.
>>19952477they were just robots. that is all they were though. robots that worshiped yet more spess gods which is exactly what the faggot 40k game needed.
/tg/ - Traditional games and scalies.I bet you all fantasize of marrying a strong, buff lizardman husbando.
Aww yes, here I come my pretty. Don't you fret -- the Doctor is in! OH GODS HOW DID THESE PEOPLE GET IN HERE. ASSISTANT, COME HERE NOW! WE NEED TO FIND ANOTHER WAY
>>19951995>>19952131Remember to report this fucker. He's permabanned from /tg/. I have the pic somewhere of the mod telling everyone to report him on sight, let me see if I can fish it up.
>>19952497>implying a lusty argonian made isn't already my waifu.
>>19952491I thought it was about him being secretly a woman and periods
>>19952494Hell, you can distinguish the factions mainly by their Spess Gods>Imperium: dead sleeping spess god>Orks: sleeping spess gods>Chaos: spess gods who like to fuck mortals>Oldcrons: hilariously incompetent spess gods>Newcrons: spess gods so incompetent they got killed by their worshippers>Eldar: dead spess gods>Tau: no spess gods>Tyranids: omnomnomnomnom
>>19952504>Implying is the same personTo be a sergalfag you just have to post figures of a Sergal and write with a more eloquent english.It may have been just one guy at first, but i'm pretty sure it's just isn't one anymore
>>19952405Yip! Yak yipyip yakyi yiiiyap.<Hah! You don't need to cover for my broad interests.>
>>19952494It doesn't need more "aliens, but act like humans" factions.
>>19952510No no no, that was Ivar the Boneless
>>19952489Oh. Well go get raped by a tentacle monster or something. You know, I happen to know of this cave..
>>19952528Yes it does. 40k will never be more than Fantasy in space anyway, so they should embrace that. Any pretense at science fiction is doomed to failure when the basis for their FTL travel is Hell.
>>19952528they also don't need more xbox 'uge humans with bricks for personality.
>>19952497Yapyapyipyapyark. < " Implying I don't already have a hot, buff, reptilian husbando. " > >>19951921>>19952527Yapyap yiip~< " Oh! Well, in that case... " >
>>19952534Hum.So how it ended up for her?
>>19952491Well it won't work! Western men are the best drilled and most disciplined warriors in all the real-And Private Sanders just threw you a gold piece. Fantastic. Do you want to kill him, or should I?
>>19951563I urgently request to speak with doctor Ward, because I fail to see a control group, positive or negative, and whether he has acquired the proper papers from the ethical committee.Sheesh people don't know how to run an experiment this day anymore, where is the world coming to.
>>19952537Yap yaaap~? < " ... I'm listening..? " >
>>19952497>I bet you all fantasize of marrying a strong, buff lizardfolk Waifu.Female lizards are more masculine, lizard men are more feminine their the ones with the colorful fins.
>>19952553Marines sell, though. Even if they DID manage to kill THQ.
>>19952563That depends on how many gold pieces he has.
>>19952555I should also mention that when I said we should have an open relationship, I wasn't aware you would take it quite so enthusiastically.
>>19952550They tried to. They introduced sci-fi factions, they established a difference between psychic powers and magic, they did away with rules directly copied from Fantasy. It only took one writer to undo it.
>>19952587Yak, yipyipyak?<So, you're available?>
>40k writing is badI quite like it. :(That said I have not read every single book.I think the writing for the 40k roleplay books is pretty decent.
>>19952588If you're thinking 'Ward', you're wrong. The answer is 'McNeill'.
>>19952582necrons are selling now too. so the argument is retarded.>herp old crons were better because opinions>mahreens are good because they sell
>>19952588>They introduced sci-fi factionsIs that what they call the Tau now? The Tau aren't any more sci fi than the rest of 40k. They're just a riff on Japanese Animes.Space Hulk is the most sci fi 40k ever was.
>>19952588they either should hire actual science fiction authors to write the fluff for science fiction races or just keep everything fantasy.because there isn't a single case of science in 40k.
>>19952567This is his assistant speaking, Mr. Ward is currently trying to flee from this unforeseen paladin infestation. Is there an exterminator for that?Anyway all the paperwork is in the file cabinet next to the ra-- err testing chamber. Unless the doctor had incinerated the record before trying to flee. There had been other subjects but the results ... varied.*there is a loud crash of broken glass in the background as the Doctor is trying to squeeze himself through the glass*
>>19952599Really, Tep? Wasn't our meeting at Jorgndr's family reunion awkward enough?
>>19952609... I'm the guy who's arguing that Newcrons are better than Oldcrons, and also that more marines are a good idea from a businesss standpoint. Crossed wires, dude.
>>19952573No, actually it's a fascinating story, he was born a cripple, and had to be carried into battle on top of a shield, but he still managed to command his viking army effectively enough to conquer York.
>>19952587Yap yap yark?< " What, you mean you haven't? " > >>19952599Yip yark yapyap kweh? < " 3-some? " >
>>199525883e introductions?Space terminators with a strong space undead wibe and space gods.Dark Elves IN SPACE.Only Tau were a sci-fi faction.As for the difference between sorcery and psychic powers, it never existed in the first place. FFG had that stupid idea, never GW. You all just can't handle the levels of swag in the current studio.
>>19952621Well, they did put some science in 40k. That's how we know that an M1 Abrams could tear a Land Raider to shreds.And also that bolters fire rounds that shouldn't technically work.
>>19952603You can like it all you want, but that doesn't make it any less bad.
>>19952629ah sorry about that, it happens sometimes
>>19952643If he'd just go to the gym every now and then he'd be actually attractiveBut then he puts on a fucking hat like that and it all goes to shit
>>19952644>WATER BULLETS! THEY PIERCE ARMOR AND EXPLODE!
>>19952634Oh for- This is ridiculous. I am not having sex with your brother.
>>19952650You sound like a faggot from /v/Just because a game whose sole purpose is to be fun is fun, doesn't make it good.
I TOLD THEM! I TOLD THEM IT WASN'T MY FAULT I KEPT ON SCREWING SCALEY THINGS! IT TOLD THEM IT WAS THE LIZARDS FAULTS WITH THEIR SLEEK TAILS AND SCALEY BEHINDS BUT NOOOOO. IT'S ALL 'SIR GRYAN DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! WE TRAINED YOU BETTER THAN THIS!' AND 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU NEGOTIATED FOR THE DRAGON TO STOP BURNING THE COUNTRY DOWN? ALL I HEARD WAS YOU KEEPING THE NATION UP ALL NIGHT LAYING IT!'WELL I'M SORRY IF I HAVE SOME WEAKNESSES BUT EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO ANYTHING ELSE THEY ALWAYS END UP SEDUCING ME!Well, other than the times I end up seducing them. Or the times when I sort of give up trying not to sleep with them. Or the time when I don't try at all...*AHEM* BUT SERIOUSLY! I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BECOME A BARD WITH ALL THE SCALEY TAIL AROUND! HAS ANYONE NOTICED HOW OPEN THEY ARE TO STUFF? IT'S ALMOST AS THOUGH THEY SPEND ALL DAY JUST WAITING FOR EASILY MISLEAD YOUNG KNIGHTS TO SEDUCE!*Ahem* Sorry for that, I just, uhhh... Needed to get that off my chest.
>>1995267340k fluff is only fun if you are either completely retarded, or can turn your brain off. Personally, I've found reading it intensely painful.
>>19952673He's got a point, though. I have a thing for coprophagia, but that doesn't mean what I'm eating isn't shit.
>>19951563Don't worry, ma'am. We're here to help. Ohh man, am I in the wrong genre?
>>19952644exactly.
>>19952627Yipyik yap yipyip yak? Yip yipyak, yipyip yak yak...<Is it my fault you didn't want to loosen up? Or rather, loosen me up...>>>19952634YAP!<YES!>>>19952660...Yakchiryip.<Spoilsport.>
>>19952693>40k fluff is only fun if you are either completely retarded, or can turn your brain offWelcome to the world of action movies.Personally I find it over-the-top and juvenile. Hm. Almost as if it were written for twelve year olds.OH WAIT
>>19952699You'll do fine.
>>19952627Yapyap yip yark?< " You mean this family reunion~? " > >>19952660Yap chirp bark yarkyipyap... Yap yarkyarkyark yapyipyap? < " Ah sorry, I is be just a little bit drunk... *cough* trapped drinks and whatnot with the paladins from earlier. Uhh... What if Tep used a polymorph spell..? *cough* Again? " >
>>19952563Honestly Westlander, your armies are just too slow sometimes.Too focused on the regiments, to easy to be outmaneuveredYou guys need more "freedom"
Holy shit guys can we have one thread where we don't talk about how much the 40k fluff sucks?We all know it fucking sucks, just stop playing it..
>>19952705Some action films can be pretty smart, most of them aren't. 40k is the Bayformers (technically the other way around, but that's not how this analogy is going to work) of tabletop games.
>>19952710NO. I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS THAT IF TEP TURNS ME INTO A HORSE AGAIN I WILL KILL AND EAT HIM.
>>19952718>Scalies roleplaying with porn>The 40k fluff discussion is what's objectionableI can't tell if /tg/ has changed too much or hasn't changed enough.
>>19952719>Some action films can be pretty smartBut an action film is defined by its brainlessness. The moment you throw 'pretty smart' into the mix, people end up trying to slap other genre labels onto the movie in order to distance it from the supposed brainlessness of action films.That's why Equilibrium and the Matrix are both 'dystopian sci fi thriller epics' rather than 'action movies, where the good guy shoots the guns that make the bad guy fall down'
