>>20710103

After we advanced, people started eating healthy. Felim and Elven cuisine isn't that bad, but it gets bland over time. Some of the knights tried their strength at the kitchen, but frankly, most of the outrealmers know almost nothing about cooking. Especially cooking for a whole castle of grown up men with high energy demand for slaying or (more likely) wooing monsters. In my previous life I always liked experimenting with various recipes and I had quite a few memorized, so more than once one of the fellow Knights asked me to make something for them. At some point I found myself in the castle's kitchens, commandeering a small army wielding spoons, ladles and cleavers. I won't say it wasn't a pleasant job – it might not have been adventuring, but it was satisfying thing to do. Makes you feel like a important part of Harem Knights Order.

Extra fun when most of your cooks are Elven and Felim maidens in aprons. Dayum.

>>20710117

With time, local merchants started coming to me, asking what my little cooking kingdom would need. Quartermaster has been doing good job, taking orders from our scientists, blacksmiths, engineers and the rest. He sure didn't mind when I asked him if I could start purchasing supplies by myself. “Cool man, that'll make my job tons easier. Just tell me your funding and I'll add it to my spreadsheets.” How could I not help a fellow spreadsheet enthusiast? My role might have been the Head Chief, but I was still a man of economy at heart. With the little shares of loots I was receiving, I've been investing in various businesses in our town. My first investment was in a pub, surprisingly. I never really was a fan of alcohol, but one day some guy came to me, saying he could open one for me. His name was Eric or something along the lines of that. A merchant from Mirterrah, looking for a place for good business. I must say he was convincing enough for me to make a contract with him. On my rules of course, because I was the one giving him all the funding he would need. Soon, my other investments came and I totally forgot about that man.

Days passed, people came and went, our city was expanding, I was investing... I was obliged to hire more people, check on my businesses and things like that. Paperwork began to stack, free time began to decrease and the worst part was that I hadn't found my waifu yet. I became stressed. Frustration and anger were my close friends at that time. And then came the day when I snapped.

>>20710121

It was early autumn. Some important diplomats from one of the neighboring countries were to visit our Order next day. The whole castle was on its toes. My kitchen’s staff was quite big at the time and there were many new faces around.

“Incompetent fools.”, I thought. More than once I yelled at them, because they were doing something incorrectly. Unsurprisingly, it added to the chaos. Hell's kitchen incarnate, one would say. The thing that broke me that day was a simple mistake made by young lamia. When I saw her actions, my anger instantly rose over the point of no return and I fell to an overwhelming urge to leave this hellhole before I would say or do something that I would regret later. Left my second in command in charge, threw apron away and went my way.

What horrible thing that girl had done, that I was teeming with anger, you ask?

She put ketchup on a hotdog.

>>20710129
Noooooooo the fool she has doomed us all.

Ah, most of them have left. Good good. Except for...

I can hear you boy. What are you sneaking about for? Cannot sleep I suppose. Me? I suppose I can’t either. That and I can’t stand the crowd. Oh don’t get me wrong I respect the individuals as much as they do each other, but I personally do not feel comfortable around large groups of people. My waifus try to get me to be with everyone and I hate to say it works very well. Especially Summoning’s Eve. I bet that is why you cannot sleep eh? Who am I? I’m not surprised you don’t know me, I try to keep myself hidden away if I can help it. What my real name was is irrelevant. Everyone just knows me as Harbinger the Mortician because…well. I am the Knights’ medic for the wounded, the undertaker for their dead, and one of the few tolerated necromancers of the order. Oh come now don’t give me that look. Though I’ll grant it is well founded, I am very odd.

I was always an odd one among those who arrived. A look at me and you would not expect me to have anything in common with the Knights of TeeGee. In fact you would be mostly correct. Except that in the Far Realm I enjoyed the same things they enjoyed. It was one of the few activities that could actually force an emotion out of me. That was one of the things that made me odd. My lack of emotion. I’m told it’s some sort of psychological disorder, I don’t care. It does not interfere with my interests. That’s the other factor that often alienates me: my interests. I had a bizarre fixation on all things biological. As a child, when others played dodgeball, a game we would play in our old world, I captured lizards and trapped them in containers with poisonous insects and made them fight, not out of some enjoyment, but because I wanted to watch the effects of various insect bites and the feeding process of the reptiles. I read the entire biology textbook of my school, simply because it interested me. But I digress. I was odd. When we first arrived, the panic I shared with others dissipated faster than anyone else to be replaced with curiosity. Even as the snow came in and supplies dwindled, while others huddled around the few fires we managed to make, I was out in the forest reveling in the cold. In fact many of those who met an unfortunate end were found by me. I would drag their bodies back, cut them open and examine their insides because I wanted to know more about the body, and what had killed them. That was when I learned that despite what many believed, not all of those unfortunates died from the arrows. I found that some, most notably those with the red tails on their shafts, had been coated with a venom that caused paralysis. The poor souls did not die from arrow wounds, but from freezing in the snow, unable to even shiver to warm themselves.

>>20710129
Hey!
Putting ketchup on a hotdog is a time-honored tradition of us PA residents! As well as the Japanese!

Winter continued to take its toll and people kept dying, but I barely registered the passing of time. All I remember are reading the old books in the wizard’s private quarters and preparing the dead others bought back. My fixation with my work distracted me from the pains of hunger and soreness of disease. I didn’t notice when the Felim came by until I ran into a person with cat ears. At first I thought it was just one of the survivors finally going crazy wearing fake ears, but when the boy yelped when I pulled his ears I felt something. Surprise. It faded quick to be replaced by that need to know. What they were and why they were here. Lucky for them, and probably me, I was filled in by the…Outrealmers, I’ll never get used to that name…and my curiosity was sated. I probably would have died if not for them and I am indeed grateful, though as soon as my health returned, I turned back to the old dusty tomes of the wizard. Slowly I gained an understanding of magic and the theories of spell casting, whoever summoned us dabbled in all schools of magic, and it helped broaden my mind. I was pulled away from my studies again when I heard the marshaling. We had organized ourselves into an army to strike at the elves, I’m sure you heard that story a hundred times over. Yes I was among them. Just some odd fellow with nothing more than a ceremonial dagger the old wizard had used as a bookmark in a necromancy book. But I came along anyway.

I wasn’t noticed that much. When we attacked, the elves were in disarray. I didn’t come along from anger or desire for retribution, though I did feel those. My main reason was to study elf anatomy, and I had just the elf in mind. A tall archer, firing red tailed arrows into the chaos of the battle, I recognized his arrows almost immediately. His arrows were still coated in venom, as one man next to me who was nicked suddenly flopped to the ground unable to move. In a moment of pity, I dragged the man to safety, pushed him against a tree and pushed his helmet over his eyes to give the impression he was just another casualty. Hopefully it would keep the elves in the skirmish from finishing him off. I never found out if he survived or not. Then I left for the elf. He was so distracted he never even saw me sneaking up on him. Well actually he did but when he did, I was close enough the cut him with the dagger. It was not enough to kill, but that was never my intention. The same venom he used I had painstakingly collected and replicated from the supplies of the Felim, I had coated my dagger with. In mere moments he realized this as his legs refused to move. He glared at me and was about to utter some curse but right at that moment the numbness reached his face, and he fell into my waiting arms.

File: 1347560483246.jpg-(81 KB, 626x599, 626px-Mortician.jpg)

Dragging him into a nearby house, I suspect it was his since…well I saw him emerging from it, I bought him to their equivalent of a kitchen. A large table with three settings, one with a lavish meal of meat and vegetables, the other two were a thin gruel, was situated in the middle. With one swipe of my hand, I pushed it all off and threw him on the table. Yes lad, judging by the look on your face, you know what I did. Understand though, he left people to die in the cold. Some of them I knew personally. I rarely feel anything, but I can guarantee you, for him I felt nothing. Even when the screaming and the pleading from numbed lips started filling the room, I didn’t care. Well also I find that examining a living specimen helps me glean more about the physiology of an organism, so that was another reason. Unfortunately all I was able to learn was that despite their size, elves have a LOT of blood. Two elf girls, twins were in the doorway watching me. When I realized they were there I stopped my work and was ready to defend myself. Why? They had knives in their hands. They ran screaming at me. Actually in moments I found their target was the elf I had on the table. They stabbed him again and again, even after he long expired, tears and blood mixing on their faces. The din attracted others and they came in weapons drawn and started shouting at the two, but I stopped them. They were under my protection, even if they did put an abrupt halt to my research.

Can somebody explain to me, why the hell 4chan keep thinking that my posts are spams no matter what do I do?

Broke my flow.

The fighting eventually died down, and most folk left with their loot and elf women in tow, laughing and singing their victory. I stayed behind and tended to the fallen. Ours and theirs. I was more at home in the desolation, don’t ask me why because I’m not too sure myself lad. To my surprise, the twins stayed as well. They seemed to take a liking to me, for killing the one who had oppressed them for so long. Well actually THEY killed him, but they credit me for it. I don’t mind, it does not interfere with my work. Their names are Eryana and Aryana, hard to differentiate them I know, but I have lived with them for a while, Eryana I find has the softer personality whereas Aryana was the more assertive, protective one. After that, the Outrealmers started renovating the old structure, turning it into our guild hall. When it was done, they celebrated by feasting and drinking, and rubbing elf ears. I celebrated by going to the basement and working on the fallen that were for so long neglected. It was around this time I got my nickname ‘Mortarion’ because others were so put off by my ‘obsession’ with the dead. Oh things are different now, but back then I was looked upon with suspicion or, in rare cases, hatred. I didn’t care; it didn’t interfere with my work.

Hey guys do we have a name for the capital of Mirthterrah?

Though Aryana would do so many, many times, getting me to socialize with others, dragging me away from my clinic, throwing out whatever I was reading to get me to get outside. I asked them why they kept making me go out and ‘make friends’. They told me they wasted so much of their life indoors, they did not want to see the same thing happen to me. I don’t know why but they always convince me to leave my solitude for the games or to sit in during the council meetings. Ugh, a hassle. Well anyway, the first time they got me out, the leaders of the new knighthood had made the finishing touches to the bro-tracts, some even making their Union underneath the new banners of the main hall. Eryana, little meek Eryana whispered how she wanted to marry underneath the banners as it was so ‘romantic’, and Aryana, being impulsive Aryana, dragged me and her sister right over. And that was how I got my first waifus. Ah well, I’m rambling now. I told you why I am called Mortarion so-what? Well that’s when they started calling me that. Yes I know that later it would change by-yes I know I WAS there remember? Let me finish. The time I got my new name was much later. It was also how I found my third waifu…another word I can’t get used to.

It happened around the time the brotherhood became its own town. Knights were routinely coming and going, young bright eyed youths coming in wanting to join hoping that they were one of the few that were recruited each month, merchants bringing wares from all over the world, we practically became the hub of world commerce. It was around this time that the saying developed. You know the one. “The world always comes to TeeGee.” I’m rambling again. I served as the medic, patching up the victorious knights returning with treasure and women, and undertaker to the knights who did not return with their lives. Life passed me by until that fateful day. There was one particular job that was commissioned, by a local a matter of fact. A smith had asked us to find a knight and a special sword he made. Apparently he made a hand and a half sword for a knight for his quest to the border between the Dwarf lands and the Frozen North. He only paid half of the commission, and promised to pay the rest with his reward. He never returned. So he wanted some knights to find the lad and have him pay up. If he was dead, bring back the sword. I didn’t care about this; it didn’t interfere with my work.

File: 1347560747534.jpg-(72 KB, 730x1095, ragnar_blackmane_by_barce(...).jpg)

What does this have to do with anything? Well it was Aryana again. The Knighthood was short-handed at the time, many of the knights of great renown all off doing their own quests, and many were being forced to draw on the recruits and soldiers normally relegated to guarding the keep. Aryana found that the team looking for the Smith’s sword would need someone to keep them in top health during the long voyage, and thus felt the position was perfect for me. Well because Aryana threatened to cut me off for a month, I had to agree. Not that the group was really that thrilled to bring me along. The few who knew me still looked at me with suspicion and always demanded that I tell them what I was doing. We set off, three knights, Sir Ragnar with the Emblem of the Space Wolves; um, join one of the knights games and you’ll figure it out, Sir Gerald with the Standard of the Great Elf Ears, and Sir Tomas with the emblem of the Iron Cross emblazoned on his tabard. Alongside them were four recruits, still wearing their initiate uniforms over their simple chain mail; and the two waifus of Sir Tomas: an elf proficient with the crossbow, and a wild Kanin fighter.

I stayed behind them all, traveling with my cart of supplies. Now lad, I know there were a number of adventures between here and our destination, but none of that is relevant. Don’t give me that look boy, I mean it; I had nothing to do with those acts of bravery, regardless of what you hear. Anyway, we had arrived at this town built on the border of the mountain holds and the wastelands of the north. It was a chilly place, built out of wood and stone, but still bustling with life. Elves wishing to run away from their lives and hiding out here, dwarves who felt more at home under an open sky than the enclosed earth of the mountains, and humans seeking wealth and opportunity wherever it sprang up. It was here that I met her. She was trying to disguise herself as a human. A rambunctious human surrounding herself with dozens of admirers, but her continuous alcohol consumption was throwing off her disguise. She apparently thought no one noticed it, the way her brown eyes occasionally flashed gold, her fiery red hair starting to glow. Since no one else seemed to notice yet, I weaved around the crowd, walked up to her and told her ever so subtly that her Salamander was showing.

>>20710236
I think it was mentioned a while back. It's also on the map. Doesn't come to mind now though.

>>20710228

Oh for crying out loud. Here, have a link if anybody's interested. I'm done with this shit.

>https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xkSTFm6VemTcxVfy1-EGp_qbDK81U8ub2Zp1MGBBUws/edit

Naturally she was shocked that someone found out about it. I’m not sure why I opted to help her but I did. Before her panic, which was causing her disguise to drop quickly, I grabbed her tankard and swung it into the face of the closest individual. The resulting brawl that broke out made it very easy for her to sneak out. Don’t ask me why I felt like helping her, I’m not too sure myself. After some of the usual banter, gratitude followed by gruff interrogation, the stuff salamanders usually do, I introduced her to my party, and she in turn introduced us to her band of mercenaries. Good blokes, but smelled something awful. It turns out we were heading in the same direction, us for the knight, and she for a job involving killing an infestation of goblins or something in the one of the abandoned dwarf holds. So we set off together, during this time the salamander, I would later learn her name was Helbrey, kept asking about who I was, and what I was around for, and what I had stowed in my cart. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was appraising me as a potential suitor. Tell me lad, our personalities are the absolute opposites. Why do you think she was interested in me? No, I am serious; to this day I have no idea what she found so attractive in me. But suffice to say we got close. Well at least she got close, I sort of let her get close-I’m getting distracted again

We had arrived at the old ruins of the hold when we found our respective targets, the goblin lord, and knight respectively. Well what was left of the knight anyway. Apparently the goblin was a busy little bug, dabbling in necromancy and had raised an army of dead dwarves and goblins to try and make his own little kingdom. He had even taken the knight, whose face was literally frozen in horror…in a block of ice, and made him his undead champion. We thought it would be easy to kill him, since this was magic he barely comprehended, and the ‘army’ he had was only a handful of goblins and two or three half rotted dwarfs that looked ready to fall apart if you sneezed on them too hard. So Helbray goes all berserker, like salamanders usually do, and runs right into the scrum, hacking down anything getting in her way. The knights gave their battle cries, a mix of “For honor and glory” and “For coin and cleavage” and followed her and her mercenaries into the fray. Me? I stayed behind, it was my duty to look after the injured and the recruits had taken a rather nasty beating from the pub, and were still recovering.

>>20710296
Not done with writing, I hope. This is pretty good.

File: 1347561233127.jpg-(78 KB, 600x450, necromor.jpg)

Helbrey was like a storm of metal, wonderful to watch if you have an eye for that sort of thing, the way she swung her sword and axe all ‘round, the wild smile that painted her face. In fact I think she was too enthusiastic. All the blood on her blades caused her to lose her grip on her sword. She swung it back to swing at some unfortunate goblin, and it went flying out of her grip…right into the goblin lord. That was when things took a turn for the worst. The others, not as sensitive to magic I was didn’t feel it. Helbrey felt it; sort of a slight tingle in the air like something did not fit there. For me it was a horrible sensation, and I rushed back to my cart to fetch my supplies. It was a wise decision as the body of the goblin rose and contorted out of shape, growing and exploding outwards. It looked kind of like a necromorph the way he was changing. What’s a necromorph? Well it’s…actually it’s quite dark right now, and I don’t want to deprive you of sleep for the next three years so I’ll save an explanation for later.

So the lord has transformed completely by this point, apparently being possessed by a lich. At least that’s what it said it was. It mad e quick speech about how we orchestrated his release and as thanks would make us his undead champions and what not. With a gesture, every slain goblin rose again, and the countless bones we tread on assembled themselves into…bone golems I think is the best word, there is no other description for them, and sent this massive tied of undead against us. Helbrey’s mercenaries were separated and overwhelmed. I still remember each on being dragged down, their screams muffled by the tide, then their mangled bodies rising again and charging after us. The knights formed a defensive circle around me and the recruits, who decided to go down fightins and had resorted to slings and bows. Helbrey was fighting like a crazed demon, but the glee was gone. Now it was more out of desperation. If she stopped, she would be overwhelmed. I had my materials out, and began a spell I had been wanting to try for a long time. Oh that made everyone angry. Understandable, but I didn’t care; I had shit to do.

File: 1347561308449.png-(243 KB, 400x400, harb.png)

The dead came at us in waves, testing our defenses. One of Sir Tomas’s waifus, the Kanin, took a blow that nearly killed her. Sir Tomas, full of rage, broke the line and charged into the zombies. His armor was thick, but it was quickly getting torn apart. I suppose it was timing or something, but just as all hope was lost, I finished the spell. The materials evaporated and, from what the knights say, for a moment I became a beast, some terrifying monster that stunned even the lich. For only a second, then it was gone. When it left I felt different. I felt thousands of voices in my head asking me for direction. That was when I realized, I had control of the lich’s army. The lich was shocked, or at least I think he was shocked. Having no facial muscles, it was hard for me to gauge his emotional reaction. There was a moment of silence. The knights, the lich, Helbrey, no one knew what I was about to do. Would I kill them all and take my new army somewhere unknown? Of course I had to say it. “Assuming direct control.”

>>20710293
Never mind I found it after rereading the fluff.

>>20710217
Uh don't mean to be an ass or anything but the wizard tower exploded at least in my take. And it was part of the excuse as to why we could not get home, if your in the tower then all it would take for us to get home would be for you to stumble on to his notes and boom back we go. Just does not feel right, but that's only my opinion.

File: 1347561492092.jpg-(41 KB, 393x600, salamander_not_fanart.jpg)

The knights got it, even though no one else did. The lich didn’t even have time to react as his champion suddenly turned and swung the blade right at the ex-goblin’s neck. As soon as I felt its essence leave the body, I released control, saying “Releasing control.” I suppose that cemented it. For the knights at least. Still confused, I’m not surprised. It is a joke reference regarding some beast told in an epic story from our old world. The knights came up with the name on our way back, I didn’t mind. The recruits kept giving me this look that was very disturbing. Sir Ragnar told me it was hero worship. Ugh, last thing I need. Helbrey became even closer than ever before after the whole saving her life thing. We made it back to a hero’s welcome, the knights gathering around the feast hall and regaling everyone with the events that transpired. I quickly excused myself back to my clinic.

Unfortunately I got no solave there because on that day, and several days after, I was pestered again and again with how I managed to use such a powerful spell. Well much like a computer program, if you know the language, you can write your own…that made no sense to you eh lad? I don’t expect it to. Not for a while. So I became an impromptu hero, some even vouching to have me inducted into the knighthood. That caused some serious debate. A necromancer, a knight? Very unorthodox. Sir Ragnar, Sir Gerald, and Sir Tomas vouched for me, but the controversy was put aside as the knighthood was still being pressed for manpower, and before long, anyone who cared had set out again on some other quest. The documents regarding my possible induction were lost shortly after and never found again. That reminds me, the fire’s dying a bit, let me add a little something to it… What? Oh Helbrey? Well what do you think, she became my waifu. For such a wild woman, she is surprisingly calm around me, though her temper quickly flares when someone pesters me too much. Anyway, I’ve told you my story lad, off to bed with you. I think I’ll enjoy the fire a bit longer before the other knights rouse from their beds.

>>20710321

I'd more than happy to post it in here, but it is considered as spam, no matter what I do.

>>20710343
Well, just because we have his notes doesn't mean we can do anything with them. Maybe he was a blood mage, and only his blood could effect his spells. Maybe he was just batshit and the notes don't even make sense, or they're in code.
Going by the other stories, we certainly never got good into magic. Maybe it's an innate thing in this setting.

>>20710343
Oh damn your awake...well I can tell you right now, that it was a bust. What little I managed to scrounge up was only basic education. The more advanced scrolls and books were either destroyed with the tower, or used as kindling for the cooking fires. Sorry.

It seems the others are starting to rouse. I'll take my leave before it gets too crowded.

>>20710381
I have no problem with that, what ever everyone likes better should be canon, so like I said if no one likes my take on it no problem I'll change it, its just that so far this is the only conflict in any of the stories I have seen.

Fuck guys, stop for a day or two.
how much did you write in three days?!

>>20710461

Around 2,4k words, but I'm new around here.

>>20710461
This is, what, the sixth thread?
I'll admit, this is crazy prolific, but why stop when we're on a roll?

>>20710461
Somewhere between lots and shitloads. I'm working on something new too! Brace yourself, because we're not stopping now and there's a novel in the works!

>>20710461
Going on 8000 words, I think one guy is probably past 10 by now.

>>20710478
>why stop when we're on a roll?
well, you're right probably. I just hope you'll not burn all the fuel in a week.

While it is not often spoken of, we of the brotherhood have organized more than a few expeditions to explore ruins in the frozen north. Such trips are rare, both because of their danger and because ruins with anything useful are hard to come by, but such challenges have hardly stopped us before.

One memorable trip was a few years after our close victory over the orks and involved some twenty individuals, including Melena, Presilla, and several others whose names slip my mind at this time. Our journey took us directly north, passing through dwarven lands where we resupplied before setting out into the wastes.

Previously I had only encountered the temperate weather further south, but I was once again forced to give thanks to the wizard who had enchanted my kit, for it bore, of all things, an enchantment that had a measure of control over the internal temperature of the armor. I still needed a heavy fur-lined cape to keep the chill at bay at times, but it kept things tolerable. I also must admit Melena looked adorable peering from underneath her many layers of clothing. Prescilla seemed to be enjoying it, being perfectly at home in the frigid weather, even seeming to gain power from it.

Our expedition had a vague idea of where we were going, but we still hired one of the locals to guide us to an ancient barrow, one that seemed to be of elven design, but its many dangers had tempered many a thought to plumb its depths. We, naturally, took that as a challenge.

>>20710296

So how is it guys? As I mentioned before, this was my first time writing a story in English, so feedback would be great.

1d4chan page looks good gents.

Also, if some brave individual would take upon the arduous task of compiling the writefaggotry into manageable chunks, I think it would make it easier than reading through threads.

But that's just me.

I know that I am writing everything is an MSWord doc beforehand, so if we somehow managed to deliver that to someone, I think it could work.

>>20710446
Well, if you must know, in my continuum, the Wizard was killed almost immediately after summoning 3000+ fatguys right in front of him. In the panic and chaos, cooler heads did not prevail and he was swarmed and trampled. It took 3 days and a few dozen people trampled to death before those cooler heads did prevail and we got some level of order.

As for the Wizard's quarters, there WAS a small library with various tomes, scrolls, and books, the actually magic ones were almost entirely incomprehensible, though a couple seemed to decode a bit of them, such as Harbinger, but the real meat was behind a magical door in the highest part of the Citadel tower. We still haven't gotten into that room, even though we've tried everything, including shaped charges, etc. But we also haven't tried in the last couple of years, as most have accepted this life.

>>20710584
I liked it

>>20710612
Ok as the majority likes the other option, I'll change mine.

>>20710604

If you guys compile your works (please only your own) and send them to [email protected] it would help me greatly, as I could use them as reference much easier if I had them saved as documents and not just crudely organized copy pasted like I have them now.

>>20710642
Or we could have to mad wizards, the summoner who brought us here and a second one who was curious about the other wizards work and kidnapped some people from the castle. What do people think about that?

>>20710677
Damn it two wizards I mean.

>>20710553
The ruins outwardly resembled the elve's fortress we had stormed several years prior, but made of a strange marble I had never seen and mostly buried beneath the permafrost. Our guide refused to go any closer after we were within visual range, and in retrospect I could hardly blame the poor man.

We made camp outside that night, not wanting to venture in at night. A flash storm came about that night, burying some of our gear, but no matter. The seal was broken and, after waiting for the stale air to filter out, ventured in. One of the first thing we noticed was the abundance of statues, all carved of the same strange marble as the fortress itself. The second thing we noticed was that the layout was almost the same as the other fortress. It seemed the elves had no manner of creativity when it came to palaces.

>>editors note: Sir Artorias never visited any of the other elven strongholds, so he might be forgiven for this generalization.

While we had come seeking gold or other such treasures, we found something else as well, something both wondrous and terrifying.

>>20710677

I like it, both people get what they want and it is pretty simple, either way we would be trapped here.

>>20710584
Very good. Are you sure that's your first?

>>20710677
Makes sense. There were enough people that even a few dozen wouldn't be missed if abducted. Change it to a nearby cave or cabin in the woods, and I'm grateful it never happened to me.

When word first reached me of the Orc attack on Castle Waifu, I had seriously given thought to pulling my forces off the Dwarven front and sending them home. In retrospect, that wouldn’t have accomplished anything other than helping the Elves. The initial reports about how far the Orcs had been from our capitol had been woefully inaccurate; the battle was already over by the time I got the revised report. It makes me appreciate how easy I had things in the Old Realm. Wars were so much easier to fight, especially on multiple fronts, with things like satellite and radio communications. Nevertheless, as soon as I heard that the attack had been repelled, I ordered my spies to shift their focus and began to assemble a hunting party. Only three days after the Battle of Castle Waifu, one of my forward scouts reported that a party had been dispatched from the outpost they were assigned to watch with supplies and had rendezvoused with another group of Elves headed to where it was thought the Elvan high command may have had a forward command post.

With the help of Kanin trackers we followed them for two days and nights. I had been worried when our lead tracker told me they had split up, I wasn’t sure if they had picked up on us and had sent a force to double back around or not; maybe it was just a feint to throw any pursuers off or maybe it was for some other reason. There was no telling how far was left until they reached their destination, or what their true fighting strength was. I hand I had no desire to walk into an ambush, or to march my small band any further behind enemy lines and into a larger force. I made the call: We would attack that night against their main group. With any luck, we could take out most of them and then retreat before the breakaway elements could regroup.

>>20710800

I’m not exactly the biggest proponent of magic, I’ve been on the receiving end of far too many spells meant to kill or main me, but I will admit it does come in handy at times. We had a Felim mage with us, she was young but knew her trade quite well. With her help we were able to advance almost at a running pace on their camp without being heard. They only had four sentries posted, two fixed and two roving. I almost literally ran into one of the roving guards as he walking around a tree. I bowled him right over and took him down with me, sinking one of my daggers into his belly and another in his neck. While his gurgling wasn’t much, the sound of our collision had alerted his partner, but had also distracted him enough so that when he saw me pull my blades out of his friend’s corpse the only sound he had time to make was odd little gasp before Initiate Geller buried his Kukri halfway through his neck. Elves make some of the weirdest noises when they die.

The fixed guards were more trouble. They were sharp of eye and from their position up in the trees picked us out of the darkness still 30 meters from their camp proper. Sir Rawne was brought down by an arrow to the leg and many others dove for cover, unsure as to exactly where the fire was coming from. This gave the camp precious moments to prepare for an attack. Yet again our young Felim mage proved her worth, summoning up several small orbs of light and exposing the tree top snipers. One was brought down with a pair of quarrels and the other knocked from the tree by the mage herself only to be set upon by one of the Kanin trackers.

>>20710808

One of the most important things to remember when fighting Elves is to make sure you end things quick. Tree-folk don’t like protracted fights, if they can’t finish things up quick then just fall back and come at you from a different direction later. You need to hit them hard and fast and make sure you cut off their path of retreat. If you play it safe then they’re likely to wise up to what you’re planning and make a run for it. If you’re sloppy about things then you’re liable to spook them into running. The key is to come off as not a large a threat as you really are, make them think they have the upper hand. As soon as they decide it’s ok for them to stick around for an extra minute or two and bloody you up some extra, then you bring the hammer down. You use those few extra minutes to tighten the noose and murder the lot of them.
Something about this force was different though; they met us in a head on charge at their perimeter. I’d never seen Elves throw themselves at us like that before. They fought like madmen, but they didn’t press their attack. As soon as they pushed us back a little bit they stopped, and we retaliated with crossbows and javelins. There were only about a dozen of them, and the first volley opened up holes in their formation. We counter charged, I went right though them, not even bothering to fight. They had been fighting a delaying action, they were just trying to buy time; I wanted to know for what.

>>20710818

The commander’s tent wasn’t hard to find, and I ran in on him stuffing all sorts of documents into satchels. To his credit, the dumb look of surprise on his face only lasted a moment before he regained his composure and took up steel. The fight didn’t last long; he was a surprisingly poor swordsman. I have my own conjectures as to why, but none have ever been validated. The rest of the fighting went much the same.

I can’t read Elvish, but the drawings and diagrams on some of the documents were quite clear. It was some sort of report detailing Castle Waifu’s defenses as well as the weapon and tactics used by her defenders. I personally fed each sheet to a fire and made sure there were no identifiable scraps. I then ordered us to make haste back to friendly lines. The raid had gone remarkable well, only three injured to any serious degree, but they would still slow us down and we were still some distance behind enemy lines.

-From the memoirs of Sir Dustyn Howle, Master of the Order of Blades

Jesus christ this better have a 1d4chan page.
Oh shit it does. Fuck you guys are efficient.

>>20710784
I took you advice and changed it to a cave/dungeon

>>20710837

/tg/ gets shit done.

>>20710702
We found a magical wellspring deep inside the place. It was a wonder to behold, especially for us outrealmers who were usually unable to use magic, but we made a near-fatal error in toying with it. What we unleashed there was...horrifying. As stoic as many a bard's tale may paint me, I am still only human, and the things I was down there frightened me, more so than Tarkus, more so than the abyss monsters, even more so than my waifus when they're angry.

We were fortunate only in that there were but a handful of us in the depths when the wellspring...awoke, I suppose is the right word? Either way, myself and four other had to fight our way out, with the very ruins coming to life as if to drive us from it, an urging we were more than happy to oblige. I regret that two of my fellows were lost in our escape and I personally informed their waifus of their husband's fate.

The others had not gotten away unmolested, with many of the statues in the upper levels coming to life as well. Thankfully most of them had been dealt with by the time I reached them, because I doubt that I would be here to tell of the tale had it been otherwise.

Melena and Prescilla had been beside themselves with worry, trying to urge the others to go back in after us when we emerged, battered but alive.

Our efforts had not been in vain and upon out escape, we found out just how much we had liberated from the old tomb, sporting an array of enchanted weapons and kit as well as several strange artifacts I never found out the use for, but then I didn't pay them much mind after they were safely back in Teegee.

This was not to be the last time we heard of the wellsprings, but it was the last one I encountered, and for that I count my blessings.

-excerpt from The Knight-Sergeant's tale

>>20710928
Except when it doesn't.
Working on a new Sir Antoine tale. Maybe this one won't take me 3 days.

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Gentlemen. When we venture at last into the Desert of 1000 Sands, we will need some fine camels to carry us. I know this guy...

>>20710668
I can send you what I have, though most of it's just what I copied from these threads and has very little organization aside from when it was written.

>>20710962
True enough, but when we find something we like, it can't be said we don't go at it with enthusiasm.

>>20710729

Thanks! Indeed, it's my first. Writing stuff in English isn't as hard as one might think, but it takes more time for sure.

Since you went through so much trouble filling my morgue with the elven dead, I have taken it upon myself, and because Aryana won't leave me alone about it, I can safely say that the elves are...different. Different in the sense that the extra organs in the ones you recently bought back are different from the ones fought all those years ago.

There are organs that are bigger, or in different places, and in the case of one, totally new. I refer to the extra gland like tissue found at the base of the spine that is absent in other elves. I have noticed that only elves with a position of power had these organs and the footsoldiers that practically threw themselves on you did not posses it. Make what you will of that, I have bodies to burn.

>>20711076
Hmmmmm. Interesting.
So, the elven nobility's hold over their subjects may be olfactory in nature, which means...

Shit. The elves are Tau.

File: 1347565897283.gif-(256 KB, 720x679, 1347075155043.gif)

This might be handy to any one who wants it.

>>20711202
...
I'm a little confused as to why anyone would sit down and think of all these, but cool.

>>20711202

>a solace of Babas Yaga
>elven class

Slavs are elves? I've always thought about them as orks.

>>20711227
I think they meant to put Fay were they said elven

Does anyone else think we should attempt to make a list of all those who are currently in the knight order? We seem to have a lot of guys, but adding some kind of structure to the ranking system might do us good.

>>20711241

I like this idea. Make a roll call and add it to the 1d4chan page.

>>20711241
That would be a good idea, yeah.

>>20711259
Also I'm writing up the orc invasion from Reginald's perspective. It's going to have a lot of smashing...

smashy

smash

smash.

>>20711241
Should we also add the rules for being a harem knight to the page?

>>20711287
Yeah, and I think someone should writefag at least once before they can add their name. No names without a story.

>>20711333
Seems fair, I just added the three as the other two guys did an amazing job with their stories. I put mine well I plan on writing a lot of stories in this setting in the next couple months.

File: 1347566925636.jpg-(23 KB, 450x338, oh_you.jpg)

>Vincent, The Cook: With out a doubt the most powerful man in Castle Waifu. He is responsible for feeding those who reside in Castle Waifu.
>the most powerful in Castle Waifu

File: 1347566938484.jpg-(283 KB, 1600x900, BLOKE.jpg)

a little late but.

"Look your goddamned waifu in the eye
and tell her you love her"

"In Memory of Sir Iris who looked his waifu in her eyes"

I've added Reginald and Harbinger to the 1d4chan page. Feel free to add anything I've neglected to mention for them.

>>20711382
Hey I say it as I see it and an army marches on its stomach.

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>>20711386

File: 1347567437082.jpg-(112 KB, 1280x720, 1304049815720.jpg)

>>20711386
>pic related

>>20711429
A good cook was important enough that making a proper stew was included in the Army's first field manual, alongside D&C and customs and courtesies, so I can believe it.

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>>20711386

On that map, what exactly is Midyahs?

Human town? Great Wonder? Gnomish hold?

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>>20710989
Well, I've got my next writefag subject.

>>20711241
>>20711259
Sir Alaric, reporting in. Do I need to give you a description or shall I add it myself later?

>>20711524
Human capital and large trade center

A roll?

Fine...I am Harbinger. I am the one you should consult if you have a sickness or a body that you want disposed of. Do not get them mixed up or I'll never hear the end of it from Aryana.

Sir GearHeart Knight errant adventurer and the author of An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species. Is only at the Castle in times of trouble or when he is needed. The rest of the time he can be found in his castle out by the Knoll Wastes or else exploring some dungeon

File: 1347568439549.gif-(2.74 MB, 333x250, 1338019461607.gif)

>>20711386

Fuck you, I need some alone time now...

goddamnit, how do all of you keep your thoughts together, actually type it out, and not think that anything that you've made is worth showing to others?

This writing gets me so vexed.

Sir Alaric - A Harem Knight and adventurer. Despite having never been much of a fighter before his arrival, he took to it well enough, and dungeon diving is the best way for him to support his two Waifus.

>>20711775
I think most of my stuff is crap compared to what everyone else has written, the secret is to just post it get some feedback and keep at it.

>>20711809
Punctuation aside, I like your stuff. And as always, if you need proofreading I'm available.

Well now, added my entry to 1d4chan, but I'm a bit lost as to what to write on now. Maybe something in the Free Knigdoms...


>>20711775
I usually just start typing and see what comes out, then pass if off as a memoir written 30-40 years later. Haven't gotten any negative feedback, well besides misspelling excerpt for 2 threads, so I figured I must be doing good.

>>20711241

Sir Giovanni, Captain of the Home Guard. Waifu-less at the moment. Bowman and swordsman now, as it seems.

File: 1347570249991.jpg-(303 KB, 1600x900, BLOKE2.jpg)

i wish i could write like you guys.
here have another.

>>20712024
...
You are an absolute bastard.
...
Did you post in the last Gen A thread, by any chance?

>>20711386
>>20712024
>Manly tears were shed

>>20712024
Why won't the tears stop?

Why won't the tears just fucking stop?

Surely medusas (medusae?) can turn their petrifying gaze on and off? They must be able to! Simple natural selection means they must! If they turn their prey to stone, how can they eat it?

Y-yeah...

That's got to be it...

Please...

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>>20712024
She lost her golden needle, didn't she?

Damn shame when that happens.

Anyone know what the character limit is for posts, by the by?

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>>20712069
I just lurked at the Gen.A threads.

"You have your mother's beautiful eyes"

>>20712079
Well, according to Papa-n's HUE mode, they only turn the outer half-inch or so to stone.
Then they crack a finger and suck out the juice

>>20710129
>She put ketchup on a hot dog
HERESY
But hey, I see you decided to tweak that line a bit?

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>>20712276
S-stop it.....

>>20712326
Why is this even a bad thing. I always put ketchup on my dogs.

>>20711775
Eh, I just post it. I don't feel like the stuff I post gets read a lot. Can't say I blame 'em. Mine's very lacking in action. Very very lacking in action. Not an exciting read.
But it feels good to type and think about it, so here I am just posting away.

>>20711386
>>20712024
>>20712276
I'm saving all of these for the next papa-n thread. There will be hue.

>>20712334
It ranks up there with consensual sex in the missionary position.

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>>20712380
>pic related

So, did we ever come up with more about religion in this world? If we've got angels and half-demons, there may well be a god around too.

Well, it's not 100% done yet, but I have the beginnings of what is looking like it's going to take no less than 5000 words of story... Show of hands; should I post what I have and get to work right away on the rest, or not post until I have everything ready? That may take a while...

>>20712495
Just post what you've got so far.

>>20712395
The Felim have a god as do the High Orcs. Actually the High Orcs have two: Ter the war god, and Earth Mother also called Tera

>>20712527
The real question here is if they actualy exsist. As this is a high fantasy setting, I'm betting they do.

Story idea? Head deity of this world comes home drunk and finds somebody spilled Earth all over his universe.

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"NO!"

>>20712514
Alright then, as you wish. Keep in mind, the lack of description of two important individuals is intentional. That'll be one of the first things to write that I haven't yet.


“We’re almost back now, your grace. Not too much longer.”
I sighed, glancing out of the carriage window at the road, stretching ahead into the forest, the light rain making the path dissolve into grey after only a short distance, “The road seems endless, captain and we’ve been travelling for days now!”
“I know, your grace,” the man said, bowing his head apologetically, the raindrops making an almost musical ‘plink’ against his helmet, “T’was the worst kind of luck, pirate activity making the ships unwilling to sale. Still, ‘tis far better to take an extra tenday to return you home than risk attack by such seafaring villains.”
I sat back in my seat, letting the curtain again drop over the window to the carriage. Matilda, my aunt by marriage, with me to serve as my chaperone, dozed in one corner, her embroidery slipping out of her lap. I lifted it away, lest the needle get caught on her rich, blue dress and tear it somehow. I had only met her once before and knew her not well at all, but she had been at least welcome company for the journey, if not particularly good conversation. I reflected for a moment on the journey to Duke Kessel’s lands, bordering my father’s own. With relations so strained between us, I suppose it was supposed to serve as a display of good intentions, but the look in Kessel’s one good eye had given me an uneasy feeling. With the mountains between the Mithterrahn heartlands and the capitol, the nobility was mostly left to fend for itself; if it came to war, it would be a long time before word reached the throne, let alone any response returning to put an end to the hostilities.

>>20712604
I reached for the curtain again, maybe to look out at the passing forest to idle away the hours. This was the worst part of travelling; the unbearable boredom. Just as my fingers brushed the fabric however, there suddenly came a great crash and the scream of a panicked horse. Matilda awoke with cut-off scream of surprise, “Aaah-! W-what’s-?” She cut off as the wood behind her suddenly burst, an arrow punching through the light panelling. It felt the colour drain from my face as a stain of red started to spread from the back of her dress. Outside, I could hear a great commotion, men shouting, horses neighing and stamping in confusion and strangely loud, the sick, heavy thud of arrows. The carriage lurched suddenly as it started forward, only for it to stop just as quickly, hurling me to the ground. For a moment, it almost seemed like things were dying down outside, when the carriage door was torn open and a strange man, his head covered by a heavy hood and a black cloth over his face reached in and dragged me out, hurling me to the ground. I looked up and saw gathered around me some two dozen men, roughly dressed in mottled green and brown, some with masks over their faces, some not. All of them carried short bows, some had axes or knives, or even a few swords. A voice sounded from the back of the crowd and the band of thugs stood aside to reveal a rather more richly-dressed man, “My lady, I do beg your pardon for calling with such... Unusual methods... But his grace, Duke Kessel, was most distressed to see you go. He requests your presence again at your earliest convenience.”

>>20712613
It was easy to pick him out. Vergil was Duke Kessel’s seneschal, out-of-place in his rich, red and black doublet, amongst the bandits. “There never were any pirates, were there?” My voice was barely louder than a whisper through fear, not that I’d let the scoundrel see it... Or so I hoped.
He smiled that slimey smirk of his, “Very astute, my dear girl. Indeed, a necessary ploy to force you to travel overland. The wind was against me, you know. I almost didn’t make it in time to hire these fine gentlemen.”
“Far better if you had drowned!” I spat. I may be helpless, but I was a duke’s daughter and I wasn’t about to whimper for help, no matter how much my heart felt like it was clenched in a fist of ice.
“Now now, is that any kind of talk for one of your station?”
“Here, this one’s still alive!” I looked back and gasped to see two of the group hauling poor Matilda out of the carriage. “You never mentioned her, your lordship...”
“Tch. You’re lucky that arrow didn’t hit her grace here,” Vergil clicked his tongue against his teeth, then waved his hand, “She’s of no use to me. Consider her part of your pay. Rob her, kill her, do whatever it is your black hearts desire. Now then...”
I had to force myself not to cry as the evil men laughed and dragged my aunt away. Shaking with fear and rage as they took me toward a few of the horses they had captured, I felt despair overtaking me. Surely Kessel meant to use me as a hostage, to secure my father’s good behaviour, which meant I was to be his prisoner until I was no longer needed and then... Then suddenly, an unexpected hope appeared.
“Hoy, your lordship. We’ve got company!”

>>20712620
Riding down the road at a brisk trot was a figure on horseback. Even in the rain, I could see light gleaming from polished armour, silver-bright. As he saw the group of men, he kicked the flanks of his horse, picking up speed until he was in a full-fledged gallop! The bandits hastened to loose arrows at the charging horseman, but their bowstrings had become wet in the rain and the shafts they loosed on-target scattered off the man’s armour. Then the man was too close for a second volley and I saw in his hand a curious polearm, half heavy sword blade, half shaft. As he rode by, his arm came down and struck the head of one of the bandits clean off. Though bold when attacking an unready carriage in an ambush, they had little stomach for a fight against a mounted, armoured warrior, already among them and laying about with a blade. As two of the braver ones dropped, the rest fled into the trees, the warrior calling after them in a curiously accented tongue, “Yeah that’s right! Run, you cowardly fuckers!” He whooped, shaking his blade in the air, “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

> Fucking field length...

>>20712651
I found myself rather more concerned with Matilda, running over to where the brutes had left her, lying in the road. I must confess I wept bitter tears as she tried vainly to move and could only manage to faintly stir her arms, like a newborn child. The mounted warrior saw her condition and cursed most violently, leaping from his horse and hurrying over. I asked if there was anything he could do, but he shook his head, speaking in a voice gentler than I would have credited him for.
“I’m afraid she’s gone too far for what little healing magic I know. Maybe if we had more time, but...” he gestured to the woods and I knew he was worried about the bandits returning, “The only thing I can offer now is the Emperor’s Peace. Please, say your goodbyes. I’m sorry.”

> Now why wouldn't you let me post all that at once?

>>20712657
I wept bitterly, cradling Matilda’s head. I told her how brave she had been and that I would always carry her memory and bring her love to my uncle. I took the wedding band from her finger and told the warrior I was ready. He stepped forward with his dagger in hand and kneeled down, speaking quietly, “I’m going to use a spell to make sure there’s no pain. Requiescat in pace.” He placed his hand over Matilda’s throat and I turned my face away before he lowered his dagger. I noticed a motion in the trees and motioned for his attention. “Sir..? They’re coming back..!”
Looking up, he cursed again, stabbing his knife into the dirt to clean it, giving it a brief swipe in his breaches, before sheathing it and mounting up. He leaned over, offering me his hand, “My lady, if you please?”
As he helped me up onto the horse, the first arrow sailed by. I’m ashamed to admit I squeaked in surprise and flinched away, before he kicked the horse into a run. Now I consider it, the lack of any more arrows was likely due to them being worried they would hit me. I would be little use to Duke Kessel, were I killed. I heard Vergil’s voice inciting them to get after us (the coward had been the first to flee when he had seen my saviour begin to charge), but only a few horses survived the ambush to bear their new masters after us.

>>20712579
WHY

>>20712666
The chase seemed to go on for hours, leaving the bandits on foot far behind. Before too long, the tree line began to thin out and we burst into open farm lands, the patchwork of fields stretching out ahead of us. Suddenly, the warrior guided his horse off the road, telling me to hold onto him tightly. It is a good thing I ignored the impropriety of the act and threw my arms around him, for we were suddenly jumping ditches and hedgerows, as we made for a nearby hill. At the summit, the rider stopped his steed and patted me on the shoulder. “Uh, you can let go now. Sooner the better, please.”
I flushed and released him like I had been scalded. Without another word he dismounted and reached into a large roll of cloth behind his saddle, drawing out a long, thin, cloth-wrapped package. “No point running any more. They’ll catch us sooner or later, seeing as they’re riding lighter.” He drew from the package a long, slightly curved stave of wood and a length of string. I soon realised, as he strung it, that it was in fact simply the largest bow I have ever seen! Quite different from the crossbows the castle guards use and larger by far than the bows the Elves are said to wield. He drew a quiver from the saddlebags on his horse and inspected the arrows, “What do you think? Four? Five horses?”

>>20712682
Without waiting for a reply, he drew ten arrows from the quiver, sticking them into the ground before him. Some, I noted, had much wider heads than others. I had no time to ask him any questions, for at that moment, our pursuers burst from the treeline and saw us, haring up the hill at a terrible pace. Just as he had guessed, there were five of them. Plucking the first arrow from the ground and drawing it back, I could see how much strength it would require to use such a bow. No wonder I had never heard of any Elf using such a monster. He waited for his shot, so long in fact, I had to keep myself from screaming at him to loose! Then when they were scarcely four score yards from us, he let the arrow fly, plucking another at once and loosing it directly after the first. The horses tumbled to the ground, shot cleanly, or their legs slashed from under them, but he did not stop firing, taking the next five arrows and sending them into each of the bandits as they rose. I was stunned somewhat by the cool efficiency of it. In a rush, he un-strung his bow, packing it away again, safe from the rain, before sighing and turning to me. “Now that unpleasantness is out of the way, I think introductions are in order. But first, let’s find some kind of shelter from this miserable shower, shall we?”

>>20712579
bastard, if this doesn't have a happy ending

>>20712395
The Felim worship a pantheon called the "Nine Divines", one for each of the nine rivers that runs through the Felim jungles. Generally each represent an aspect of life and existence, but Felim theologians might say that they are all aspects of a single thing. It's a bit more philosophical than other religions of the realm.

The Kanin religion isn't very well known. They tend to be hush-hush with that sort of thing for reasons people can't quite comprehend. However, they do tend to have many Myths, particularly one about the Sun and the Moon I'm really just lifting from /tg/'s Corgyn lore on this one

A plurality of Humans worship Myrthter. Look like a tongue twister? It is. Meerth'-tear is probably the best. They say the name's from the Old Tongues. Basically, it's an all-powerful creator-god that said unto the humans "You are my children, and this land is your promised land, go forth and tame the wild beasts and claim dominion over the world". This sort of got interpreted as the attitude you see today: arrogant, and believes their better than most of the world.

Though this doesn't even compare to the Elves. From what we can understand, the Elves think they're an entire race of gods all on their own. What this tends to amount to is ancestor worship and king deification, but it entirely explains the Elfish messiah complexes.

Those are the major religions anyway. The Half-folk and the Dwarves share a deity in an earth goddess (though they call her different things, Hellen and Dervish respectively), and the Gnomish folk are essentially atheists, worshiping the concept of the machine rather than any celestial being.

>>20712687
That's all for now... What do you think so far? any and all criticism is more than welcome. In the meantime, I'll get to work on more. Hope you elegan/tg/entlemen like it!

>>20712700
>>20712558
As for whether they actually EXIST or not, well, we don't know. Divine magic seems to work and there are "celestial beings" such as Angels and Demons, but they don't tend to talk much about their origins and the gods haven't been seen on these soils for thousands of years. There are stories of Avatars and Aspects of the gods coming down and more forgotten deities than I will ever have room for in any book, but all in all, it seems the gods are content with letting the world play out on its own. Who knows, maybe it was the will of those gods that we be here.

I hope that answers your questions.

It really is amazing to see how much we’ve changed over the years, both as individuals and as a collective people. Back in the Old Realm I was no grand leader of men or a great innovator. Hell, I’d be willing to bet that most, if not all, of the great knights and heroes of TeeGee were little more than average men and women in their past life. Sometimes I think whether or not the wizard who brought us all here isn’t still alive, either laughing his ass off or just quietly taking notes. I think it’s not that outlandish of an idea. After all, an individual with the power to transport so many people from another dimension must get incredibly bored. It also stands to reason that such an individual would also be quite eccentric. So why not conduct a grand social experiment, faking your own death of course as not to influence the outcome, just to amuse yourself? Some of my brothers would probably call me a paranoid nutter, and I wouldn’t put it past some of the smiths to craft a giant foil hat for me, should I make this view public.

But back to my original thought. The Kingdom of TeeGee (a misnomer, as we have no true king) has grown and flourished in ways I could not have imagined when I was first deposited in these lands. The simple fact that this conglomeration of random people from all walks of life banded together and didn’t end up murdering each other is a testament in and of itself. I feel like this land has changed us, and not just in a physical way. In the Old Realm, humans have a tendency to fight amongst themselves and bicker of the stupidest of details.

>>20712719

We never really had that problem here, and I wonder if it just so happens that the wizard who brought us here was one lucky son of a bitch (an ironic twist considering we killed him) and ended up bringing together the perfect mix of people, or if there was something in his magic that changed us. We’ll probably never know, and I’m not even sure I want to know. I am content knowing all the good and great things we have accomplished working together.
Even though all the wars we have fought (mostly instigated by outside belligerents), TeeGee has remained a relatively peaceful and tolerant nation. I like to think that all the changes we’ve brought to this world were for the better (with the exception being that thrice-damned shovel launcher). Yes there are still those who see us as deviants and rabble rousers who stick their noses where they don’t belong, but the same could be said in reverse; there are people I despise in this land for the views and practices they hold. Personally, I say to Hell with them. I do not wish for TeeGee to fall into the same practices of trying to police the world as my old homeland in the Old Realm did.

-From the memoirs of Sir Dustyn Howle, Master of the Order of Blades

>>20712700
>Nine Divines
Sir, you have made my day.

>>20712701
Professional quality writing. I literaly see nothing to improve upon.

>>20712707
It does, thanks.

>>20712719
Point of order? We DO have a king, or at least, so it was eventually decided, if I recall. We certainly have a system of peerage and nobility, serfs, knights, barons, etc. Our 'High King' or 'High Lord' (I forget exactly which. I think it was agreed that to start, the title was 'High Lord', then it was later changed to 'High King') is elected from the council of DMs (all of which hold the rank of Prince). Then when he dies, a successor is chosen from the most suitable candidates, or something.

>>20712815
I thought we just had the DMs and the Knight-Commander. I don't recall having a king.

>>20712815
Considering the fact that we hail from a modern society, and much of TeeGee's culture is based around the board itself, which consists of (usually) anonymous and, more importantly, equal individuals, I see an elected Council of DMs being the highest ranking authority, with no king whatsoever.

>>20712815
>>20712861

Indeed. I know there was talk of assigning someone to the position of King, but as far as I know it died out quickly after several people voiced against it. While I am not against an individual being voting into an office of High Chancellor if only to serve as a representative to other heads of state, I would much rather we stick with a council based government.

File: 1347574990021.jpg-(216 KB, 1600x900, BLOKE5.jpg)

"...."

>>20712915
...
Just.
Fuck

>>20712815
Hang on...we have guns(albeit in limited usage) and a political system not unlike the Holy Roman Empire?

I like where this is going... but not where this>>20712915 has gone...

While we're on the subject of writing, what are your thoughts on mine so far?

>>20712799
Aww, thanks, anon! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

>>20712913
Only reason it died out is because this isn't the board for discussing politics and that shit gets real ugly, real fast.

I'm not going to argue the point here and will keep my opinion to myself. Besides, I have writing to do.

>>20712915
...This is terrible and you should feel terrible. That werwolf dies. NOW.

>>20712967
The one about the elven wellspring? I like it. That kind of thing makes for a great beginning to a great, overarching quest. Plus, it reminds us that not every adventure ends in coin and cleavage.

>>20712915
Why must you toy with my emotions, anon?!

>>20712967

I found the Oblivion reference amusing.

I would come to find that the castle was in the middle of the mountain range between the land of Elven Realm and the Knoll wastes. I was able to figure this out from the position of the Dark Mountains to the west and the Dwarven Ranges to the north. It would be a few days trek to and from Castle Waifu, but that was something I could live with, I had always wanted a castle.

Probably one of the most interesting things I found in my new home was a vast library of books. Mostly on stuff like History and Demons, but other books too such as some books on magic and a couple of books on various different races. This is what inspired me to create the Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species.

Things were nice for the first couple days, I spent time with Lilly and we sorted the loot and Identified what we could, I could tell what was magic and what was not but beyond that I had no clue as to the effects. Lilly having a more solid background in the magic arts did most of the work, I just moved the stuff to were she told me to put it. It was on the first day of our second week that we realized we had a slight problem Lilly was going stir crazy, the pantry was starting to look scarce and worst of all Outcast had horrible taste in room decor.

File: 1347575917220.jpg-(125 KB, 1600x900, BLOKE6.jpg)

"H-HOW?"

>>20713095
I finally made my decision that they after Lilly came in and sat down on my desk right on top of the book I had been reading. So with my face at just about head level to her crotch she said to me.

“I'm bored, why don't we do something fun.”
Normally I was all for wild passionate sex but after a weekend of lying in bed, I was all sexed out. No normal man can keep up with a succubi. Seeing a way to kill like a whole flock of birds with one stone I said to her.
“Lilly put on some semi decent clothes as we are going shoping.”
“Yay shopping.”
Inside my soul cringed for I realized I had made a most grievous error. Lilly threw on some clothes and I grabbed a sack of coins and we set out for Mirthterrah more specifically the capital Midyahs it was the largest trading center in the area. I had never been there but I had heard tales. It was a place of rampant racism. As it was only about a day more to stop by castle Castle Waifu we took the long route there.

The trip to Castle Waifu was a brief one, I really only stopped by to check in. I went to the Hall were you could always find people lounging and telling stories.
“Oh hey guys, turns out this place has a hell and it even has succubi, so if you see any women who look like they could be one watch you tongue as a yes is an invitation for them to fuck you over.”

And while everyone was staring at me I turned a full 360 degrees and walked out the door backwards. After that I stopped by the treasurers office payed my dues and strutted out of the castle as fabulously as I could.

>>20712700
>The Felim worship a pantheon called the "Nine Divines"
>Nine Divines
>not Nyan Divines
Do you even cat?

>>20713103
To my luck a Merchant Caravan was headed to Midyahs that very day. So we traveled along side them. They were mostly Felim with a few humans here and there acting as guards. The time with other people was good for Lilly. She was a social butterfly, me more a of an elephant. I filled my time asking the Felim about there customs, beliefs, and history. They reminded me of the gypsies from back home, though less likely to roll you. They were good people, tough as nails and smart to boot, if it had not been for there knowledge of the land I doubt that many of us would have survived. The trip to Midyahs was one full of stories and catching up. Things were going along great till Lilly started to ask some of the Felim girls that were members of one knights harem questions.

“So you all are in love with the same guy and you make this work?”
“Yep, though some times it can be difficult, like if all of us are vying for attention at the same time, Master gets a little crazy and runs off and hides.”
“Is it required to call the owner of a harem master?”
“Nope, we just do it because he hates it.”
“Oh I get it its like when I use my tail in bed, James hates it but its so fun to do. Especially the faces he makes. So what are the exact rules for a harem?”

>>20713114
“Well the rules are like this: Every person, be they man or woman, is born with the right to seek out their Waifu. A man’s Waifu is his Waifu alone, to make a move on another man’s Waifu is the dickest of moves. Do not insult the size of a mans harem. Some men have one Waifu, some have many. This does not make either more pure or lecherous nor more or less skilled than the other, it is merely a choice and nothing more. Do not attempt to take a woman as your own if she is not your Waifu. The world is plentiful, there is no need to be greedy and forsake others the right to their Waifu. And always cherish your Waifu. She is there for you as you are there for her. Honor this bond.”
“Can a woman have a harem or a Waifu?”
“Yep, they went with man as it sounded better than person.”

And on she did question the girls which started to make me worry. Later that night as we lay under the stars she whispered into my ear.
“I'm going to start a harem and then I'll never have to be alone or afraid again.”

As the last words left her lips she drifted off to sleep in my arms. I could not help but to smile. I softly said.
“As you wish.”
And then I closed my eyes and slept a peaceful slumber, as I knew that I had found what I had been looking for for so long.

>>20713120
The next morning started early as a spring rain ruined a rather pleasant morning. We arrived at the capital at about noon that day and I'll admit it rivaled even New York in terms of impressiveness. Though the feeling of eyeballs trying to bore a hole clean through you did get old. Most of the dirty looks were reserved for the Felim though. Luckily nothing bad happened during this trip. Not with the guards on the job. After making it to the merchant quarter Lilly and I split off. We bought many things: a wagon and horses, some new furniture, food, clothes and jewelry for Lilly, and a calligraphy kit for myself. And various other little things. I had planed to stay a night in the city but Lilly was anxious to leave. She claimed it was just that she wanted to get home and start sprucing up the castle, but I could tell that the city wore on her. It was hot, crowded, smelt horrible, and the people were assholes. I think it reminded her a bit to much of her old home.

So just before sunset we left the city and the gates closed behind us. I wasn't worried as we were in a fairly safe spot. We were just about to make camp when from a ways off we heard a sound that sounded like a mix of braying and screeching. I drew my sword and ran towards the sound. On the other side of a small hill I found some young human men standing over what looked to be a cowgirl. I had heard rumors of Holstauri, but they were just that.

>>20713135
She was bound and one of them was in the process of gagging her. The others were holding weapons and looked like they were ready to kill and rape. My white knight tendencies kicked in and Fury grew bright in my hand. Bright enough to alert them to my presence. They were about to charge at me when one of them in the back just about exploded in a red mist, causing all of them to turn and look. And then another one fell in the blink of an eye. I barely caught a glimpse of Lilly as she darted from one place to the next. It was at this time I came to the conclusion that one should never fight demons in the dark. She moved so fast as to be invisible to the eye and the shadows clung to her like a cloak. As the last one fell I rushed over to were the girl lay. I undid the knots that restrained her. She was little leery of me, which is understandable she did almost get raped slash murdered. When she saw Lilly she quickly clung to her. I said to the cowgirl.
“Don't worry I won't hurt you, I promise. Whats your name?”
“Meina.”
“Hi Meina, my name is James and this is Lilly. How did you end up here?”
“My village was attacked by elves so I ran and ran and then I found some people who offered to help me, but they were bad people and then you two saved me.”
“Which way is your home Meina?” Lilly asked.
“Not far to the south.”
“We just happen to be heading that way, how about this you come to our camp, Lilly will take care of you and I'll make sure no more bad people come after you. Hows that sound?”
“Good.”
“Good and I think we have some clothes that can replace your ripped ones. You and Lilly look to be about the same size.”

Holy shit, I don't log on all day and come back to all this? Gotta pick up the pace I guess.

I had a tale I was writing, about an Orc trying to join the MG but got to about 2900 words and hit writer's block. So I think I'll write something else.

Good work /tg/, proud to be a small part of this.

>>20713141
So we returned to our camp and Meina snuggled up with Lilly and went to sleep. I sat across the fire from them and watched over them sleeping. Well Lilly didn't really sleep, she kept giving me strange looks.
“Having troubles sleeping?”
“Fuck you, you would be to if you had these massive melons in your face.”
“One fucking me seems to be what I have you for, two those look like they would make excellent pillows.”
“That's the problem I can't take advantage of her like that it feels wrong.”
“You make a horrible succubus you know that.”
“Yes I do its why I helped you and why I am trying to be a better person.”

And that is when Meina's hand slipped down between Lilly's legs and found the ring and gave it a tug. Lilly let out a most feminine squeal. I had told here that something besides a short nightgown might have been better.

>>20713103
> And while everyone was staring at me I turned a full 360 degrees and walked out the door backwards.

I fucking lost it. This is exactly what any true Harem Knight of Teegee should do!

>>20713142
Post a link to what you have, maybe someone here could help.

>>20713100
...... go on

>>20713249

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1D9Bi9EH8bVpnmlJWG58HLsGJvr5R2gOwkL4kDezMVwI/edit

I'm not exactly proud of this, but in my defence I've only been writing stuff like this since after the Harem Knights craze began, so I'm still learnding.

File: 1347577173111.jpg-(41 KB, 800x457, mangoes.jpg)

There's something ridiculously alluring about tropical fruit. It may be the taste, the color, the sweet sensations one does not simply find in mundane varieties. Nonetheless, it was still a lucrative luxury, and between the potential funding of an orchard, combined with Vincent's growing demand for more varied ingredients to keep the knights satisfied, it was decided that a five man party should find a way to collect as many seeds as possible.
Rainforests are not only hot, but ridiculously humid. Humidity, if you don't know, does nothing but make it feel more painfully hot and miserable, though you may not understand until you venture outside our more temperate city. I doubt there were any of us who weren't slick with sweat beneath our armors after an hour. In any case, the forest canopy was high above our heads. Wildlife was abundant; the forest is nearly as noisy as a city. However, even after a few hours of searching, we yet to have found a single banana (the banana spider was a different story, unfortunately for Albert). It was eventually decided that we should split up to cover more ground, using a waterfall as a landmark, and carving arrows into trees to remember our paths (and please remember this trick, forests are too easy to lose yourself in).
I wish I could say I found a mango tree. I found half a dozen slavers.

File: 1347577411871.jpg-(154 KB, 1600x900, BLOKEFIN.jpg)

im going to sleep.
hope you enjoyed the story

>>20713304
From the Share menu, you can set it so others can comment.

>>20713407

Done.

2800 words and counting i think i am gonna just stick this in a pastebin and link it. Please excuse my shitty grammar yes i know its horrible.

>>20713353
Wait.... what.

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>>20713306
By that time, I was no stranger to combat, all of us had some form of basic training early on, and most regularly quested, either in dungeons, or across various lands in search of money and women.
However, it was still one man against six, more lightly armored sure, but armed with spears and slings. I distinctly remember one carrying a halberd, directing two carrying some struggling character bound and put in a sack.
I needed to strike fast, and strike hard. I carried, as I normally do, a hand and a half sword. Not the most hard hitting weapon, or the most far reaching, but supremely practical and applicable to a variety of situations. However, this would still require a plan with the cunning I only had in my wildest dreams.

I threw my shield at them.

It was unpainted then, but it was still a large shield, a layer if thin metal over solid oak. It struck the halberd man's head with an exciting crack, and sent me into an adrenaline rush as the fight began.

>>20713450
Dad came back from the dead to protect his child.

Who the fuck cares if it makes no sense.

It's magic.

>>20713353
So, I just added the story of Sir Iris to the 2d4chan page. Badly.
Oh god why do I even try to computer.

File: 1347578883569.jpg-(50 KB, 491x540, 1330822549321.jpg)

20713460
Here I applied one of the more useful techniques in my repertoire, a special attack I call the "Screaming Bayonet Charge". By simply halfswording and sprinting, I became a scary, pointy metal battering ram. In this way, I dispatched the second foe, a spearman. The two carriers hurriedly dropped their package with a thud, as I removed my sword and drew it across their sling carrier, who could not attack at such a close range. The other two quickly dashed a bit aways, and started attacking with slings, using small stones probably meant to maim an opponent rather than kill. Nonetheless, they hurt, and forced me to blindly charge one. I outmaneuvered him around a tree.

The last one, now, was quiet. Fighting openly is one matter, but with a surprise, even a scrawny urchin can overpower the most heavily armored vanguard with a well aimed knife.
Suddenly, the forest felt as silent as the abyss.

File: 1347579884973.jpg-(1.36 MB, 2048x1536, heart-rock.jpg)

>>20713623
As the battle panic wore off, I became confused, jittery. The man could be anywhere, and almost certainly knew the forest better. I removed my helmet; it stifled my vision here, but still I could not find the man. My footsteps were loud and clunky, my breath shaky, by now I had practically resigned myself to being defeated.

A muffled crack sounded next to my ear.

I spun around, sword raised, and saw not a man, but a young Felim, wrists still bound, clutching a bloodied rock. The last slaver lay at our feet.

That was the first time I gazed upon your mother.

-From Alaric, in a memoir written to his son.

>>20713304

>Well, here's that tale in all it's edited glory. Thanks again to those that helped.

It was a few months after the Orkish... invasion? Recruitment? No one knows what to call it, so I call it the Orkish Incident. I wasn't there for the Incident, although not for a lack of trying. While our people were being murdered, I was riding a wagon to the battlefield, or for a small time pulling it. By the time I got there, it was all over. I just knew the Orkish women had decided to join us, and we didn't have a say in the matter.

>>20713810

Unlike many of the Knights and other soldiers, I didn't see the slaughter first hand. Therefore I was less inclined to hate them. But I was still wary. Our new...”allies” I guess you could call them, had their own culture and way of life. This isn't anything new, but it's only the third such mass introduction I can think of. The first, of course, was our glorious saviours, the Felim, followed quickly by the Elven women we saved. After that, a trickle of other people came to our fair city. Some more than others. For example, I couldn't begin to quantify the amounts of Kanin in our walls, at least with a quantity more specific than “a fuckton”. Meanwhile, I think there's like one spider lady, and she lives in the castle basement. Couldn't say for sure, I've never seen any. Don't even know what they're called by all rights, think it's Arachne or something. And then there's the humans from other lands. They take up a surprising amount of our time, since most of them are merchants and thus come to me quite a lot. The Merchant Guard isn't a police force, more like a security company. Policing is the work of the Homeguard, Sir Giovanni's lot. But it seems in the walls of Castle Waifu, we've had to become a secondary police. No complaints here, keeps the Guards from getting bored when they're not travelling, and it helps us wheedle out the spies.

>>20713815

What I'm basically saying is that this is the first time in several years we've had to deal with such a rapid culture introduction. One day, no Orks to be seen, next day ORKS! Everywhere! And what a culture it is. Even at their nicest they remind me of angry Glaswegians. It took some time for them to get used to the fact that you couldn't just take what you wanted. In their society, might makes right and beatings are currency. My caravan was essentially grounded as my waifus went off to help in the reconstruction, and I had to help keep the peace. Usually that meant dealing with angry Orks who couldn't get used to the idea of trading soft useless coins for food. The way to fix that was simple; politely explain the concept. When that didn't work (and it rarely did), it was headbutting time. As I said, might makes right and by showing dominance, I could get them to at least respect the concept, if not understand fully.

>>20712687
Part deux coming up here. Behold the heraldry of Teegee and the Harem Knights.


We found a nearby hay barn not too far away, were we were able to at least get out of the wet. My fine, night-blue travelling dress was already sodden through by this point and filthy from the mud. I was starting to feel a chill sinking into my bones, as we entered the dry confines of the barn. I was able to take my first proper look at my rescuer then, without panic or desperation clouding my eyes. At first, I thought it curious that he should be wearing his armour, had he just come upon us by chance, but upon looking closer, I saw it was no mere polished steel, but the rare, silvery metal known as mythril, the very tears of the lord of the gods, Myrthter! The sheer cost of such a fine suit made my heart skip. A breastplate, pauldrons, greaves, bracers and the flowing skirts of over-laid scales, split at the front and back, to allow for movement, not to mention the sallet helm... I knew of few lords who could afford such finery! That explained it; mythril may be as strong as steel, but it is also light as a feather and comfortable to wear.

> Stupid field length again...

>>20713822
So that sums up my total experience with them; beating them to get them to behave. So imagine my surprise when one wanted to join us. This had diplomatic shitstorm written all over it. If I refused, I might piss off the entire Orkish community. But if I accepted, then her very presence could piss off foreign traders when she went with our caravans. Fuck's sake, when I formed the Guard I didn't foresee anything like this. And while I could seek advice, I had to make the final call. Someone, somewhere, wasn't going to like it, and it would be my fault.

I suppose I should start at the beginning. I was in a tavern, just having a quiet drink and trying to keep my head down. Aliss was busy telling people about the whole “giddyup Horsey, yah!” incident at volume, which wouldn't be so bad if the people she were telling weren't the men under my command. So they were all laughing at my expense, and I knew I'd never hear the end of it. When one such man, a rather inexperienced man by the name of Fargus went to refill his drink, an Ork decided to follow. I reasoned I should also get a refill, just in case she started something. Hell, it'd make a nice distraction from listening to my own humiliation, and Aliss might be silent if a brawl started.

>>20713823
His weapons were curious as well. As well as the bow and polearm I had already seen, I noted a sword at his side, worn strangely horizontally, its blade slightly curved, although it did not resemble a scimitar, of the like used by the heathens to the south. I also noted another sword, this one more familiar, hanging from his saddle, alongside a shield, and elongated triangle in shape and three and a half feet tall. Its heraldry was unfamiliar to me; a Y of white, red and blue and gold bands (counting sunwise, of course), with a pair of fists pressed together on the right, when regarding the design, a strange, geometric sigil on the left, with the number twenty on its topmost face and on top a simple heat, wrapped with a ribbon.

>>20713827

I make my way to the bar, signal for a top-up, and that's when the cause of all my Ork troubles decided to speak to Fargus. I don't know why, but she started asking about the Merchant Guard. Aliss' loud retelling of their leaders' silliest moment might have piqued her curiosity, I don't know. Well, Fargus, not having that much experience with Orks, (or women in general, really) decided to save his own arse at the expense of my own.

“Well, there's my Captain, go ask him.” Goddamnit Fargus. I swore if I got kicked out of my favourite pub for being involved in a ruckus, he was being reassigned to a caravan going to the Kanin homelands. Not that I've got anything against them, they just happen to be VERY far away. Well, this Ork comes towards me and starts badgering me with questions.

“What do you do?”
“Guard merchants.”
“Why do that? Can't they protect themselves?”
“Well, they're salesfolk, not warriors. Left alone, they'd be prey to all sorts of bandits, wild beasts and worst of all other traders.”
“Hmm. In my lands, if someone is weak they deserve to lose their things.”
“Well, we're not in your lands, are we? 'Round these parts, the strong protect the weak. And their things”.

This idea seemed to confuse her. Can't say I'm surprised really, it wasn't the first time I'd seen an Ork struggle with a concept beyond hitting people. I thought our conversation was over, but apparently she decided otherwise.

>>20713833
“The symbol of my order,” my saviour explained, seeing my interest, “And my homeland alike.” Looking him as he removed his helmet, I noticed something uncanny. It wasn’t his fair hair, although it was worn in a strange fashion, not shaven face, so like a boy’s, or even his strangely straight nose... It was his grey-blue eyes. It was not the colour that was unusual, but rather the look they held. For a moment, I was a little afraid, taking it to be madness, but when I looked a second time, I realise that it was not. The difference was subtle and I could not place the look, but he was at least sane... For the most part. I noticed him returning the look with undisguised and rather unbecoming interest. I suppose his looking was to be expected; with my dress clinging to me from the wet, my figure was indecently visible and I have often been called beautiful, not without reason either. With pale skin, long and polished gold hair, presently spilling from the pearl-hung net my maid had arranged it in that morning, vividly clear eyes a shade lighter than my now-sodden dress, I knew he would be no human, if he did not feel something. I had only just begun to be truly afraid for my person however, when he handed me a green towel and a long, canvas-white tunic.
“You’d best get dry and changed,” he said, “I won’t peek.” So saying, he sat, facing the entrance to the barn, his back to me, leaving me somewhat stunned.

>>20713844

“I remember you”. Classic. If you don't understand something, don't bother thinking about it and redirect the conversation. “Yeah, I remember you. You attacked me the other day for taking that weakling's food” Why did she seem so happy at this? Was she happy at remembering something, or was she happy about the idea of being hit? Thinking back, I remembered her too. The bruise on her head helped me date our first encounter. Three days ago it was, she wanted food and couldn't get any. Then I got involved.

“He wasn't a weakling, he was a merchant. If you wanted it, all you needed was -”
“Yeah, I know. Trade shinies for stuff, I got shinies now, see?” And to my shock, pulled out what would be nearly a week's worth of wages for a labourer. Now, how did she get that much in such a short time frame? My first thought was theft, of course. Ork or not, that was quite a bit of money.

“Where did you get these? Did you steal them or-” “No, no. I ask someone how to get shinies. They point at someone, say to talk to him. I go, and he gives me shinies for doing stuff. Con-stuck-ton, he said it was. I call it moving bricks”. Well, that made sense. We were desperately low on builders, and some were offering double pay to recruit as many as possible in the wake of the Ork assault. Earning that much in such a short time would be unlikely for a human, but given an Orks' strength and stamina it makes sense she could clock in some heavy overtime. I was more surprised the foreman didn't try to screw her out of money, perhaps he was really nice or really scared. Perhaps both.

>>20713848
The tunic, it turns out, hung to my knees, exposing an frankly scandalous amount of my milky legs, but my strange benefactor was right; if I stayed in those wet clothes, I would catch my death. He didn’t seem to mind my state of undress when he looked back around however, instead nodding and hanging my dress on a line of thin rope he stretched across the barn. I took it upon myself to make the first introduction, curtseying as much as the impromptu dress would allow, “I must thank you for rescuing me, good sir. My name is Marieth Renwald, only daughter to Duke Renwald of Serynstyr. I assure you, you will be rewarded for your valiant actions this day; I will make sure of it!”
To my astonishment, he seemed unimpressed by the introduction, or revelation of my heritage, only bowing slightly and slipping off his plate-backed glove to offer his hand, “Sir Andrew of Teegee. Harem Knight errant.”
I only stared at the offered hand in shock, then at him, “Of... Of Teegee? The land of vagabonds and rogues with no regard for the crown? The king-less land where any common peasant might speak on matters of weight? Where men make pets and lovers of animals and abhumans? THAT Teegee?”
“Oh!” he said brightly, grinning, “You’ve heard of us!”

> All for now. More on it's way! Good gods...

>>20713850

“Look, I even know how to use shinies! You, serving man, more drink!” she shouted at the barkeep. He looked affronted at being called “serving man”, but wisely decided to not say anything. Just poured more of whatever the fuck it is Orks drink and took her money. I'd never tried it, smelled too much like paint thinner. Meanwhile this Ork seemed really happy at learning how to use money, a concept a five year old could gather. She looked back at me, almost as if wanting approval. Well, what could I do? I'm not going to piss off someone who's killed more people than I have, especially when they're trying to be civilised.

“Hey, very nice. Good to see you're fitting in” I tried to be enthusiastic without condescending, hard when you're praising an adult for learning how to buy things. “Yeah, fitting in. I learn your ways. Watch this!” Now someone saying “watch this!” is usually code for “I'm about to be a fucking idiot, prepare the bandages”. So again I was caught off guard when all she did was buy another drink. Was she expecting me to be impressed the second time around? Especially when her own tankard was still rather full?
Nope. Turns out, I was the intended recipient for that drink. “You take, I buy. I watch you all, see people buy drinks for friends. I like you, you my friend. I buy you drink!” Well, that was unexpected. A few minutes of polite conversation and now we're friends? Well, it's better than a kick to the teeth at any rate. Not only that, but she'd managed to learn and emulate basic Castle Waifu social interaction just by watching for a while. Maybe Orks aren't as stupid as some say. I once read somewhere the quote “We're just as smart as you, but we have less collective knowledge”. Seems to describe the Orks fairly well I'd say. If they were all like that, perhaps the future wouldn't be so bad after all.

>>20713863

“Well, thank you. This was...unexpected.”
“Thank you?”

Oh for fuck's sake, did I really have to explain basic fucking manners too? Looks like it. “People say that when you do something nice for them. Shows appreciation.”
“Really? We just hit them less.” How did these people survive for so long?

“Also, when you want something, try saying please. It's considered nicer than just demanding.” I figured that would come up eventually, might as well get it over with now.

“Hmm. You people weird. All your please and thank yous, so much fancy speech. Needless. But I learn. Not too hard really. Let me try. Please drink what I got for you.” FUCKFUCKFUCK! I was hoping she wouldn't notice me not drinking that tub of...whatever the hell it is. At this point, I noticed that my men weren't laughing any more. Looking over, I saw them all looking at me. Crapbaskets, Aliss is doing that thing where you move your fists up and down, the seemingly universal sign of “chug, chug, chug, chug”. Worse, someone noticed her and now they're all doing it, with a little, “drink, drink” chant to go with it.

>>20713871

Remember how I said Orkish booze smelled like paint stripper? Well, this close it smells like paint stripper that can hit you with a mallet. And if I didn't drink it, I'd look weak in front of my men, give my Waifu something else to laugh about AND probably piss off my newest friend. To make things worse, from what I've seen Orks down it like beer, so of course I can't be seen to take a pussy sip either. All I can do is take a swig and hope to buggery I don't hoy all over the pub. So I close my eyes and take a gulp. Let's just say it's not the worst thing I've ever drunk, that would still have to be Glen's vodka. Hell, taste wise it felt like a very strong, cheap whiskey. Still felt like my throat was being raped by a fucking centaur though. I could hold it down, surprisingly enough, but to my horror the men were still insisting I drink. More cautiously this time, I drank the rest down.

Then fell off my chair, to loud applause. And that's the last thing I remember of that night. Turns out Aliss, having enough to laugh about for days to come, had enough sense to drag me back to my rather tiny house and let me fall into bed still fully clothed. Apparently the rest of my small harem weren't too impressed with her letting me get into that state, but I didn't hear the arguments. I was too busy being unconscious.

>>20713885

So after humiliating myself in front of the soldiers I apparently command, I thought things couldn't get worse. Indeed, I awoke in the afternoon to a stack of what can only be called “apology bacon” cooked by Aliss herself. Of course, since she has basically no culinary skills, it was burnt and left to get cold. Still made a good hangover cure though. Eventually though, it was time to go to the Merchant Guard lodge, and face my men. Now, usually I'd be pissed off to learn that just about everyone wasn't in, but today it was a good thing. The only person I could see was the clerk, Issiae, who does all the paperwork I can't be bothered too. She told me that after my little escapade with Orkish spirits, everyone else felt they had to try it. Now, I'm not a big drinker, and usually I'm a lightweight compared to these men, but for some reason the rest of them started to throw up after half a tankard. The day was definitely looking up. Bacon AND the news I wasn't as big a vagina as I feared. Then Issiae dropped the bombshell. “Oh, Shel's in your office, she's been waiting for a while now.” My brain essentially went: Who the fuck is Shel? Sounds Orki-ohsweetJesusno.

>>20713899

Yup, there was my newest friend, everyone's favourite civilised Ork. I had no idea why she was there, but a few ideas came to mind, each worse than the last. Well, only one way to find out I guess. “Hey there, what are you doing here?”, hopefully it'll be something simple.

No such luck. “I want to join you”. Damnit.
“Er...why?”
“What you said. About your group. Getting into fights, much more fun than brick moving”. Oh, oh no. This is not happening. I don't have an Ork sitting in my pokey office trying to join the Merchant Guard. Nope, I'm still in my bed having a weird booze dream. Unfortunately, I was awake and this was happening. Luckily, I had a whole speech pre-prepared, every wannabe Guard hears it. Just gotta explain all the boring shit first, she'll decide it's not for her. Most of them leave at that point, she'll be the same.

So I go into the usual speech, about how most of the job is just sitting around getting shit money. I felt she must have got the wrong idea from our short conversation the other night, so I really tried to emphasise the boredom. Tried to divert her attentions to other career paths, where she'd see more action. She was having none of it. From what she told me, I was the first friend she made since coming here. The others were too scared to talk to her, or just flat out didn't like Orks. Also, my apparently rare ability to drink a whole tankard of whatever the hell they drink – I can't pronounce it, sounds like the noise I make trying to cough up phlegm – impressed her. So now she's willing to try that whole protecting the weak thing.

>>20713902

Well, she stuck around for the speech, so she passed that test. It would be hypocritical to just flat out say no, never mind the repercussions if I rejected her application due to race. In a land famed for its equal opportunities for all. All she had to do was pass training – a process that comprises of the men telling her how to be a Guard – and then going out with a caravan. That final part is what gave me headaches. An Ork, in a trading caravan? Hell, in some places the locals are unwilling to deal with the caravan I run with, because of all the non-humans on board. And they DON'T have a reputation for savagery and barbarism. Hell, send her to the wrong place and it could start a war.

Luckily, I was able to stall for a bit of time. We couldn't let her, or anyone else, on board right now, because there'd be no point. Most of the travelling merchants are grounded, dealing with the rebuilding efforts. Those that aren't are purely seeking supplies directly related to the effort, and encouraging the traders in other places to come here with their wares instead. That way there's more hands here to rebuild. Right now, the best thing she can do is help with “brick moving” as she put it, and reapply when we're done. Hopefully by that time she'll have found something else. And if not? Well, I'll burn that bridge when it hatches.

>>20713823
>obscenely valuble, lightweight armor
>katana

Looking just a liiiiiitle bit sue-ish, here.
Dialogue is great, though. Continue.

>>20713925
The katana is a tactical choice, there for a reason, not just because "Omg gaise, katanas R so kewl lol." Besides, it's made by Teegee craftsmen, so the 'superior quality' argument is moot. It's there because it's easy to draw and strike with one motion. That's all. You'll note I'm also packing a straight sword and shield for other work.

The mythril's also justifiable; Teegee is a rich kingdom and I spent seven years there, doing a steady job, as a Harem Knight, before leaving on my adventures. Perfectly reasonable I'd have the cash for something like that. Lightweight armour you can wear all the time is useful for adventuring too, when you'll never know when you'll be jumped and have to fight.

Trust me, the last thing I want is to be a Mary Sue.

File: 1347581360154.jpg-(282 KB, 608x407, Punji.jpg)

Back again lad? My, aren’t you stubborn. Where did you hear that? Well I can’t very much say I was an active participant during the Ork invasion. Yes, I’ve heard the waifus whispering among themselves about what I did in the castle during the invasion, and for the most part I can tell you all I did was architect some clever traps that took care of the majority of the infiltrators. At least that’s my cover story. What really transpired was something far sinister. I like you lad, I think you can stomach the truth. Mind you, given how after my last tale you weren’t able to sleep for a whole week, I’m still not sure I should tell you everything. Oh? You want to hear every detail? Oh very well, I’ll tell you all I can remember. I think it started with the guillotine, wait no. The punji pits yes. Those were the first Orks to die.

>>20714046
Keep in mind that katanas were designed the way they were because Japan has shitty steel. It's by no means the best sword, but it was very pragmatic.

On a tangent, the reason the crossbow never saw use in Japan was because the climate was too humid for the adhesive holding the thing together.

>>20714046
Just saying what I thought.

So, just how rich is TeeGee, anyway? We're obviously quite well off, but we've got poor relations with our neighbors to the east and southwest (or everywhere but north, really), and we have no direct access to the sea or the homelands of our felim allies. While we could certainly be fairly well-off from our trade missions and tech excange with the dwarves, we're not going to get filthy rich without some true, codified trade agreements with our neighbors.

Or maybe I'm just overthinking all this, and we're living off adventure loot.

>>20714046
You're still sounding pretty mary sue to me.

I heard the screams, and was roused from my work of…well I’m sorry I can’t remember what I was working on. I was in the East wing of the keep when it happened. Noting the guttural howl, I scrambled through my belongings, took my new rifle, a few special rounds I had made for it, and a flask of water. Why? Well I was thirsty. Anyway, I scrabbled down the stairs, down through the East wing hall and I stumble upon several Orks garbed in what I think were supposed to be cloaks. Do not ask me how they managed to slip by so many of us I still don’t know. They were muttering to each other about the trap and how to continue when one noticed me. It barked a command to the others and they all turned and saw me. Exactly what I wanted. Abandoning any pretense of stealth, they charged at me, weapons raised, howling warcries, and smashing head first into another trap. Well that was a terrible figure of speech. The two leading of the group were bisected by a rather large blade that came swinging out of the wall. Orks have remarkable resilience, even when they are dying, they’ll still try to fight. The legless Orks were no exception. The surviving ones ducked under and continued after me, the last two sliding across their own blood. Then the third trap activated.

>4th of Sun's Height.

Pak'cha and I returned from the southern regions of Mirthterrah, more commonly known as the Giant Hills. The name is rather appropriate - the hills are large, as are the Giants. They're rather peaceful and intelligent, to my surprise. Master artisans - they presented me with a pair of daggers, their handles inlaid with gleaming obsidian. I've never seen such careful craftsmanship in my life. Trading with them should be rather easy, except I haven't the faintest idea of what we could offer them. However, that's not my job to determine.

An interesting tidbit about the Giants is that their evolutionary capabilities are... well, blindingly fast. They adapt to their environment at a pace Darwin would have had wet dreams about. From what they were able to tell me there are are many other species of Giant, as well, that I have the dubious honor of now having to name.

I just know Harbinger's gonna ask me to go back there bring him back a specimen. Well, he can go get one himself, if he's that hellbent on cutting one up.

Sir Giovanni told me that Sir Dustyn Howle wanted to meet with me in two days' time. Wonder what that's about.

Pak'cha's rather excited to be back home. I'm just happy that she has a home to return to.

A row of spikes jutted from the floor and impaled the new leader, he expired in moments as one of the spikes pierced his brain. Oh well, one less pain. Even so with these casualties, they still had a sizeable team. Five hulking Orks. This time however they were taking precaustions, edging closer to me, all while I unslung my rifle and loaded one of my shot. I took aim, put my thumb to the chamber, and imparted a little spark of magic before I pulled the trigger. You see my shot was not an ordinary lead bullet. It was a special kind, designed to hold a cargo within and would shatter after penetration. The largest of the orks took it to the gut. What was in the ball lad? Pulped, dead flesh; and before I launched it, I filled it with the spark of life…

>>20714109
Well, it looks like we're on a major trade route connecting Midyahs (and the Great Lighthouse beyond) to the elvish realms. I can't really tell where the trade route connecting the dwarves to everyone else should go, but it's possible that Castle Waifu could be a bustling trade town where dwarves, elves, and humans all come to trade. In that case, a small tax could make us extraordinarily wealthy.

However it's must as likely now that the trade route goes from Midyahs to some southern Dwarf hold and then on to the elves, and I've no idea how we might go about shifting it south.

File: 1347581773899.jpg-(28 KB, 614x349, Necromorph-Brute.jpg)

Now remember when I said you don’t want to know what a necromorph is lad? Well imagine a body being forcibly changed. Bones broken and reknit, rebroken into sharpened stakes, flesh remolding into muscle to ensure each blow will damage its target, blood boiling in the veins to the point the skin erupts outwards? That is a necromorph lad. And that is exactly what I turned the unfortunate Ork into. Oh his compatriots didn’t know that. They just stared in bewilderment as their comrade mutated in front of their eyes. The end result was…messy to say the least. But I had four more shots just like it, and I had four relatively intact bodies so after a few minutes of loading and replenishing myself with a drink, I had five Ork necromorphs prowling the castle hunting down any Orks they sniffed out. Of course when the battle was over I released them, and the mangled things collapsed into a heap of meat. Few saw what I did, and fewer still refuse to believe that it really happened. I don’t care; it doesn’t interfere with my work.

>>20714152

>5th of Sun's Height.

Called it. Harbinger's giddy as a Holstaurus on Union Day. I told him to shove any thoughts of me goin' back and vivisectin' a Giant. He was less than pleased. Nevertheless, we were able to classify our Giants.

Gigantus Mons (Lit. "mountain giants" - In South Mirthterrah, born and raised... sorry. couldn't help myself.)
Gigantus Ignis (Lit. "fire giants" - Migrated to Desert of 1000 Sands. Evolved a more hardened outer layer of skin, to preserve water and protect them from biting sandstorms. Desert dwellers call them جبل من الرمال- "Mountain of the Sands", and revere them to the point of near-sainthood.)
Gigantus Gelum (Lit. "frost giants" - Migrated to the northern wilds, evolved thicker skin and a white hide for camouflage in snowy conditions. Analogous to our Yeti. Trading partners with dwarves. Dexterity must be remarkable.)
Gigantus Silva (Lit. "forest giants" - Migrated to Felim Jungles/Elvish Realms. Live in symbioses with some sort of lichen-like parasite, turning their skin green and causing moss to grow from their beards. Concerns of Elves training Forest Giants as living artillery platforms are unfounded. I sincerely hope they're right.)
Gigantus Singnlaris (Cyclopes. Single. As in one eye. Real easy to understand.)

Pak'cha sparred with that Kikkirin girl today - and kept up with her, too! I rewarded her with a well-cooked meal and a massage.

>want to write more
>can barely keep up with the thread just reading
still for the sake of our little head count, i'm sir lyrik kitril, called the white knight due to my all white armor, styled after (ok, stolen directly from) dragonslayer ornstein of dark souls. when i'm at the castle i build siege weapons along with strengthening and reenforcing the overall structure of the castle. when i'm out questing i look for supplies of anything valuable i can bring back to TeeGee, mostly looking for sulfur for gunpowder. currently looking into lightning magic. as of now i have three waifus
1) Kari, an all white lamia. met during the first winter and befriended due to both needing each others help to survive the cold. decent shot with a bow but no real combat experience. has medical knowledge. rarely travels but loves the beach. is the reason i keep my armor all white.
2) Ana, an overprotective kanin. met about a month after kari. decided i was her "alpha" after i broke her nose. good in a fight, uses clawed bracers. rarely lets me go anywhere without her since she fears i'll be ambushed. loves milk and belly rubs
3) Rydia, a gold dragon. met on a quest where i helped her save her unhatched little brother. not much combat experience but is still a dragon. still young by dragon standards. insist we always dress up in the finest clothes we can get. doesn't like orks (i plan to writefag why). i am currently trying to find a way to safely mount a cannon on her back, bitches love cannons

>>20714111
How so? It's the character, not the clothes, that make a Mary Sue. And as this is supposed to be me, I'm trying to react like a real person (me) in any given situation. A Mary Sue is a 1-dimensional character at best.

>>20714109
Who do you think the dwarves trade all that mythril they dig too greedily and too deep to get at with? Heheh.

That and yeah, tons of adventure loot.

In the end, we won the battle and were more or less forced to build that Ork quarter, you know what I’m talking about. Rather a pain that. Very close to the clinic, I can hear them howling their warsongs all night. They were surprisingly hospitable when I visited them, though mainly it was because I wanted them to shut up. I got nowhere very fast. In the end, I settled with just showing them music I could listen to and hoped they would developing a liking to it, and they certainly did. The Orks are very fond of Metal. Not the element, the music genre. I played some Static-X, and suddenly a whole group of them use it as their official war song or something, and they won’t leave me alone now. They keep calling me “The Great Bard” or something I forget. Oddest damn thing…you have no idea what I said again did you? Well walk by Ork Quarter tonight, and when you hear them yelling “Yeah, Push It!” as loud as they can around their bonfires, you’ll see what I mean.

Oh and mind you, if you have trouble sleeping tonight, come by the clinic, I'll give you something sure to knock you out.

If you guys don't mind, could I get some commentary on
>>20713306
>>20713460
>>20713623
>>20713798 ?
It got lost beneath another story, and I enjoy the comments and criticism.

>>20714184

>6th of Sun's Height.

Met with Sir Virgil today. I'm officially being reassigned to Sir Dustyn Howle's Order of Blades, and when I am not on an assignment, will be tasked with training potential Blades in the finer arts of remaining undetected. A great honor, all things considered, but I fear that my title is becoming rather long. Sir Antoine of the Order of Blades, Knight-in-Absentia. Such a mouthful. Something like "Schrodinger's Knight" would be far easier to say, and would convey the same general message - though I'm certain that only us Outlanders would enjoy the joke.

Sparred with Sir Perrin today. I'd like to say I did well, but that would be a lie. Still, I'm improving. Perhaps I should switch one of these daggers for one of those fancy curved swords from the southern lands.

In honor of my promotion, so to speak, Pak'cha cooked me a special dinner tonight! She's far better than she was when we first met - domestic life'll do that to you, I suppose. She was very... enthusiastic tonight, as well. Hopefully, we'll actually have a decently long break this time around.


>8th of Sun's Height.

Someone has read my journal.

The Harem Knights have taken to calling me "Schrodinger's Knight".

Pak'cha, if this is your doing, I am going to commission an artist, have him surreptitiously paint portraits of you shedding your chitin, and have them posted on every message board, bounty board, and newspaper in the kingdom.

>>20714211

>9th of Sun's Height.

Made an offhand comment to Pak'cha this morning about it being "that time" soon. Referring, of course, to her molting. She almost choked on her breakfast. If all espionage assignments were this easy, I'd have Mirthterrah eating out of the palms of our hands before the month was out.

Word of "Schrodinger's Knight" is starting to spread to the general populace.

Met a few of the new recruits today. Some of 'em are more clumsy than a Harpy in high heels, but that's what I'm here for, I suppose. Played a short game of hide-and-go-seek to test their stealth. Longest it took me to find someone was a minute and a half. It's going to be a long road ahead.

Sir Howle wants to see me tomorrow. Says it's important. Isn't it always?

Commissioned the artist today. He says he can have an adequate portrait done in five days.

>>20714161
Just how much trade would there be between the humans and elves? With the elves being, well, fucking elves, I don't see them buying much in the way of trade goods. And of course, if much of our trade is coming from the humans in mirthterrh, the lords over there will have taken steps to curb it, by taxing exports or the like. Just look at our rosey reputation in
>>20713858
Traders who did business TeeGee would not be endeared to the nobility.
Unless we improve relations with the human kingdoms, trade is going to be far less profitable then we'de like.

Although, again, maybe we've just got a shitload of adventure loot and don't need to give a shit. That would work too.

>>20714228

11th of Sun's Height.
(What the hell year is it, anyway?)

My first assignment as a Blade! Apparently, Sir Virgil is of the opinion that a trader who recently arrived from the Desert of 1000 Sands is, in actuality, a spy sent by the Caliph of Serid. Strangely enough, my duty is not to capture the merchant and bring him in for questioning, but rather to travel to Serid and counter-spy. My dark skin and ability to speak in almost a perfect Middle Eastern accent may have been a deciding factor in this. I'm to leave in three days, during which I will learn to look, think, and act as a merchant of the Sands would. A daunting task, for sure, but I can handle it. I'm not the Knight-in-Absentia for nothing. Oh wait, I'm sorry - "Schrodinger's Knight." It's my official title now.

Unfortunately, Pak'cha can't come with me - the desert climate would wear her out far too easily. Naturally, she is sad, but she understands that it's for her safety. She's began compiling a list of things that I'm going to need for the journey.

Saw the recruits again. They've improved. Two and a half minutes. Took them twenty to find me. Seriously, they didn't think to look on top of the stables?

Pak'cha and I had a bit of fun out in the courtyard. She's getting better by leaps and bounds! She really takes advantage of her natural weapons. I'll have to double up on my training - she's gonna be better than me, at this rate...

>>20714200
Pretty good. The whole fruit metaphor went on a little long, though.

>>20714288

>12th of Sun's Height.

Today I have been steeped in Serid's culture. A few pointers to remember:

- When speaking of the Caliph, always remember to use some sort of gracious epithet.
- When purchasing anything from anyone, you must *always* barter. Even if the item is as cheap as Centaur manure.
- Women may keep their faces covered, but it is mostly to keep the sand out of their mouths. They are to be respected, just as a Waifu. Also, do not confuse the lithe and lovely dancing of a concubine for the lithe and lovely dancing of a priestess of the Divines. The mistake *will* get you killed.
- Always remember the "Mountains of the Sands", and if you should see one, pray to it for its blessings.

Serid is a populous and fantastic city, and the Caliph is rumored to be a generous and tolerable man. The presence of a spy in our midst has... dampened these rumors to me. I will see for myself where the line is between generosity and paranoia.

Sparred with Sir Perrin again. Got a few hits on him. Really, I must send something back to those Giants, the craftsmanship on those daggers is incredible! Able to block a sword swing without chipping!

Pak'cha seems nervous today. Mayhaps she has read my journal again, and uncovered my nefarious plot? Ah, but the deed has been done, and there is no way I can take it back! Poor Pak'cha.
Poor, poor Pak'cha.

>>20714299

>13th of Sun's Height.

My last night home, for the foreseeable future. I've already restocked my supplies, and the Knights have purchased me a "better than new, only slightly used" camel from a wandering merchant. He also threw in a bag of dates and a camel air freshener for me. What a strange man, but truth be told, there was something... captivating about him. He had the air of a man who had lived a thousand lifetimes in a thousand different places.

Also, his wife was really hot.

Pak'cha and I had an important talk tonight. She knew of the Harem Knights' tendency to gather multiple Waifus, it seems, and she was worried that while I was away, I'd fall in love with another Waifu and leave her behind. A natural worry. I assured her that, even if another Waifu should join our happy home, I would still love her, with all the emotion a not-so-dick-ass-thief could muster. Our subsequent... activities might have also helped to drive the point home. Before she went to sleep, she gave me something - a necklace with some of her chitin in a small glass vial. She even managed to chisel it into a crude but adorable heart!

Ah, Pak'cha, to think that we met as a lovely accident is to demean the work of the Divines. I love you, darling.

>Captcha: nflocat character
Football-playing catgirl. Someone get on it.

>>20714319

>14th of Sun's Height.

Today I departed my homeland dressed in flowing white clothing, seated atop a camel, and with a cadre of Knights to see me safely to the border. I rather like the clothing of the Desert - it fits loosely enough to allow my skin to breathe and to give me freedom of movement, yet it doesn't seem to extend in any unnecessary places or be "baggy", as it will. We are currently two days' journey from the Desert border, after which I will be placing my safety in the hands of a guide that the Knights purchased.

I have instructed one of the Knights, a Sir Gearheart, to bring this journal back to Pak'cha once we have reached the border to the Desert - unread, preferably. I hate to leave it behind, but there is far too much risk of being exposed should someone discover it - and when dealing with someone as apparently crafty as the Caliph, no measure of care is too great. Hopefully, I will return safe and sound to my homeland, and to the arms of my dear Pak'cha.

The portrait should have been finished today, and I've instructed the artist to deliver it right to my Waifu. It's a lovely piece of art, depicting the two of us sitting in a tree branch, her head resting on my shoulders and her arms around me. Very peaceful and serene.

Gotcha, Pak'cha.

>And that's it. Enjoy.

>>20714188
>this is supposed to be me
Yep, Mary Sue.

>>20714442
I was under the impression that since the premise was us, fa/tg/uys, adapting to a fantasy land and establishing a city there, the knight characters would be us. It was established that we even took new names to symbolize our new life.

We'll just have to accept that Brit is a katanafag.

>>20714335
Very good. I'm looking forward to seeing how this trip turns out.

...
Idea. The Desert of 1000 Sands is right by the Felim lands, right? There could be a fairly sizable population of Felim in the desert, working as traveling traders and such. Possably also kept as slaves, if I've remembering Ahelub's bit correctly.
>desert is elsweyr
>TESgasm

>>20714319

Don't mention that crazy camel selling bastard in front of me. After that whole Ahelub fiasco, I figured I should wander over to his stall, see what he was all about.

I walked away with five camels, each more belligerent than the last. He said it was one for me, and one for each of my Waifus. We don't even need camels, that's what the horses are for! Hell, Vask is a Lamia, she has enough trouble getting on a horse with a custom saddle, never mind an angry sort-of horse with a huge hump in the middle. I tried telling him this, but he wouldn't listen. Just kept calling me his "new and valued customer", wouldn't take no for an answer. At least they were cheap. Still convinced the camels are some sort of spy equipment though, especially because they were so cheap. Had a vet check them out though and he couldn't see anything untoward about them.

Anyone want to buy a camel? I'll even throw in the complimentary bushel of dates I was given.

>>20714442
What >>20714481 said. Pay attention to the premise here, Anon. I don't write author-inserts without a damn good reason.

And I'm not sure what you mean by 'katanafag'. I just consider the design of the weapon to be better, IN SOME SITUATIONS, than a European sword. It's that simple.

Gods, if I'd known it would have caused this much trouble, I'd have written it differently. You want me to delete what I have thus far and start over? Because if it means avoiding writing a Mary Sue, I'd be happy to do that. God knows, I don't want this setting to be blighted because of my bad writing.

>>20714524
No, don't. It might send a sue-ish first impression, but that's no reason to srcap an idea. Write what you like.

>>20714524

Ignore him. While he's certainly entitled to his opinion, and I can see where he's coming from, I don't see anyone else complaining really.

>>20714489
The Felim are right next to the desert, but there's a mountain range between them.

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>>20714524
No, it's fine. Since we come from a modern society, it's only natural that we bring weapon designs with us, even those that may have been unseen beforehand, gunpowder aside.

Besides this, weapons will assuredly be a personal choice between us. For every knight with a katana, there will be another with a kilij, claymore, and falchion.

>>20714569
I'm sure there are some passes around there somewhere.

Concerning the Mary Sue thing, I don't define one by their traits. To me, a Mary Sue is a character who takes focus of the story when they shouldn't. For example, Wesley Crusher. (Note: I haven't actually seen TNG, despite being raised by Trekkies.)

That aside, Sir Andrew is the protagonist of his own story. If he suddenly made peace with the elves, slapped the shit out of the Mirthterran nobility, and opened a portal to Earth, I might start calling him a Mary Sue. But as it is, he's a decent character.

Archived, get ready to vote

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20710103/

>>20714586
Good point.

Also, a note on self-insertion. It can be done well, and it has its advantages. A good protagonist is fleshed out, and who do you know better than yourself?

However, the competence of the self-insert is often directly proportional to the author's ego. Detach yourself from the character, and let them develop naturally. Treat them like you would any other character.

On a side note, I'd like to mention an idea I'd heard a while back. Start a game with your group, and have everyone make a character based on themself. Stats, gear, and so on are based on their IRL attributes. Then, each player passes their sheet to the person on their left. The sheet they get is their new PC. I haven't had the opportunity to do this myself, but I'd love to one of these years.

>>20714697
Added to 1d4chan page

>>20714740
I'd feel so sorry for anyone that got a sheet based on me. They'd be so boned, it's not even funny.

By the way, are there any human nations that regularly take non-humans for slave labour? There's been a few mentions, but I'm not 100% sure of the specifics/

>>20714489
>>20714569
>>20714586
If you would read the resources, you would notice that there is indeed a sizeable population of Felim both in their jungles and their desert, to the point that there's some conflict as to which side of the mountains is their origin, if not the mountains themselves, sometimes called the Moonpath Range.

It is said that only Felim can find the passes that traverse that range, and as such, I had to find a caravan that was passing through for my mapmaking, of course first completely disarming myself and wearing a blindfold the whole way, so that I may not betray the location to Slavers.

Not that I think it would matter. I believe their Nine Divines are the only Gods still actively taking part in this world anymore, protecting the children of their forests so that only Felim my cross. That makes the rurmors of slavers actually managing to infiltrate the region even more disturbing.

>>20714853
Oh wow, I completely forgot about the resorces page. *headslap* Thanks for mentioning it.
Also,
>Moonpath range
Yes. Hell yes.

>>20714853
GUYS. Guys, guys, guys guys guys. Guys.

Mind-blowing idea here.

What if... And this is just an idea...

What if, as the greatest quest the Knights Harem have ever undertaken...

We must quest... To bring the gods back to the world. To draw their gaze back and give them a reason to care about the mortals again.

Epic-level quest, am I right? And if it all goes tits-up... Well, killing gods is a fine old DnD tradition.

Besides, if Arthur declared a quest for every knight of the Round Table to find the grail, then this is definitely a quest of that magnitude.

>>20714953
But, that's what defined us. We never wanted to become kings, to conquer nations or destroy peoples.

We just wanted Waifus.

>>20714953
You should finish your Knight Errant story so that I know how properly pissed Sir Fearghaile should be first. Honestly, I think bringing the Gods back would be an overall bad idea.

If they made the bastard peoples of this realm, they're probably pretty big dicks themselves, and divine intervention wouldn't exactly help. If their creation has been... corrupted, then that means that they're seeking their individual repentance through their own free will, which would mean they would decline intervention. Better the people be free from the intervention of gods and find good on their own rather than force them through the oppression of creatures more powerful. In fact, that's exactly what the Knights Harem fight against in their quest for love and waifu.

>>20714953
>killing gods
that's not how you spell seducing. if greek lore has taught me anything it's that gods love erz men and women

>>20715008
Mara, Kynareth, and Dibella are catgirls.
God-tier waifu quest is a go.

>>20715061
See, that's another way to look at it!

Besides, it's not all about the waifus, guys-

> inb4 thrown out and stoned amid cries of "HERESY!"

All I'm saying is, we may not want to conquer nations and destroy peoples, etc. etc., but High Adventure is something we all love, right? What's a more epic adventure than something that calls an entire knightly order to quest?

>>20715035
Got a point though... Gods can be pretty massively oppressive assholes. The Mithterrahn's god certainly doesn't sound like the kind of guy we'd let watch the kids... Particularly given our taste in waifus.

Still, I'll bet my last copper at least some of the gods would be good to have around a bit more.

>>20715100
If the gods see our deeds and think them righteous, we will always have them on our side, no quests for Holy Grails required. But in the meantime, we have much to focus on in the mortal realm for the divines to really even matter. For example, saving that maiden is going to create quite the shitstorm, from both her attempted captor AND father. I just wish to hear the rest of the tale so that I know how annoyed I can be towards you and your brash tactics. Since this server maintenance is slowing things down, you have the time!

>>20715166
Yeah, I also have a tired. It's 3:30AM here in England and I run on little things like sleep! I have a couple more paragraphs done... Let me finish a few more and I'll leave you on a cliffhanger before I go to bed.

>>20714766
Well in the Harem Knights tales, it's assumed that most members got in shape enough for adventuring.
Or maybe you decided to help in a different way, be it carpentry, science, even something as simple as building simple machines to improve labor efficiency.
It requires a bit of thought, but most stories are how we think we'd adapt and live in this situation, with a splash of romanticism thrown in.

>>20713925
As to the armor, I referenced making similar such suits, although They were steel, with magic to make them lightweight.

> Not even sure if this is going through. 4chan is playing silly buggers, I am missing sleep and I am NOT happy.

Through our conversation over a small and sadly cold meal (he argued that smoke from a cooking fire would give away our position... And he didn’t want to risk setting the barn aflame by accident), Sir Andrew revealed to me that not all of my preconceptions about Teegee were completely fair or accurate. He spoke to be at great length about the nature of the non-humans who shared their real and particularly ‘Castle Waifu’ with the humans, convincing me of their worth, no lesser, nor greater than that of any human. Though his words were blasphemy and flew in the face of every social norm I had ever heard... I could not help but admit the logic in his words. It was only when he told me of the so-called ‘Code of the Bro’ that I started to truly see something I could relate to however. Though its tenets covering ‘waifus’ were strange to me, he went on to explain that, since its creation, it had been expanded to cover concepts remarkably similar to the code of chivalry. When I mentioned this to him... I must confess, his smile made me a little uneasy, like he knew some secret I did not. In addition, he told me that, while in the early days, anyone could attend the ‘Council of DMs’ and have a say in the matters of the nation, the sheer number and dispersal of people in the kingdom had since made such a practice impractical. Now, only knights and those with a title may speak in council, though strangely, any may claim a title, if they show the ability required to wield it, rather than simply being born into it. An unusual concept, but one I could see the sense in.

>>20715432
> THANK FUCKING CHRIST. I'm getting this shit posted, then crashing so hard, you can wake me on Sunday!


In return for his stories of his homeland, I told Sir Andrew of my own life, know that what seems mundane to one person may be new and refreshing to another. When I was done however, Sir Andrew was frowning.
“And you’re satisfied with that, are you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, looking at it from my perspective, you’re being used here. Duke Kessel wants to use you as a bargaining chip, your father uses you as a political pawn. Your life isn’t your own; you may be married off to some noble for the sake of political convenience at a moment’s notice, you have no say in your own destiny...”
“Don’t be ridiculous! Such things are my duty and my lot to accept! You yourself said you follow the code of chivalry! Surely you know of placing duty before your own desires, for the greater good!”
Sir Andrew suddenly coughed, covering his mouth and shaking. It took me a moment to realise that he was... Laughing? “Ahahaha..! F-forgive me. Sorry, just... Something you said. Reminded me of an old joke. My apologies. Of course I know about putting duty first, but you’re a person, as much as you are a Duke’s daughter. You’re telling me you don’t have dreams you’d want to pursue?”
“Sir Andrew,” I replied stiffly, closing the matter, “I cannot recall dreaming since I was a child.”

>>20715441
The following day, the rain had at last let up and after I had again dressed decently, Sir Andrew agreed to escort me the rest of the way home. “What kind of a knight errant leaves a damsel in distress?” I believe he was teasing me, or attempting to do so. I don’t know why, but somehow, he was able to get under my skin, not that I’d ever give him the satisfaction of knowing it. For the first two days, the going was easy, with the pair of us sheltering in barns at night. I had hoped to enjoy a room in a wayside inn we passed, but Sir Andrew rightly pointed out that Kessel’s men could well be watching such establishments. I was at first worried at the thought of having to share a bed with the man, but Sir Andrew was ever the gentleman, giving me his bed roll, whilst he assured me he would catch sleep elsewhere. Towards the end of the second day however, I could tell he was starting to become heavily fatigued. Every night, I had fallen asleep, watching him sitting up on watch and I began to wonder how much sleep he had truly had.

>>20715445
My fears proved to be well-founded on the third day, when our luck finally ran its course. The first we knew of our attackers was a thunder of hooves as a half-dozen armed men, looking much like the bandits that had attacked me before, came hearing up the road behind us with murder in their eyes. Sir Andrew made a brave run for it, but he was just too tired to put up a prolonged chase. Seeing the inevitable, he dismounted, taking up his straight sword and shield. “Ride for it!” he called to me, “I’ll try and buy you some time! Move! Get to the hamlet up ahead!” Whatever other faults the man may have, he did not lack for courage. Before he closed the visor on his helm, I caught a glimpse of a manic mix of terror and elation in his eyes, both quashed behind simple determination and grit. I turned and rode as fast as I could, hearing the clash of steel behind me. Just as I gained the hamlet however, disaster struck. Sailing from behind, a crossbow bolt took Sir Andrew’s horse in the rump and the beast reared, casting me off. I struck my head as I fell, my vision clouding and growing foggy. Even the sounds of the world seemed distant and remote, as though heard through a closed door.

>>20715454
Two of the riders had pursued me, breaking past Sir Andrew and now they dismounted, looking to snatch me. I tried to move, but my limbs felt like lead. Then suddenly, in a flash of sun on silver armour, Sir Andrew, bloodied and battered, but alive, charged into them with a roaring yell. The first he dispatched with a stab to the gut, while the scoundrel was still reeling from a blow by Sir Andrew’s shield. The second swung well and scored a clean hit, but the mythril armour held, deflecting the blow meant for Sir Andrew’s back. The knight turned, cut and I swear I heard him say something like, “Great cleave, bitch! Hah!” I felt a great sense of relief as he knelt, removing his helmet, “Marieth, hey, you alright? Speak to me!”
It was then I felt, rather than heard, a great many pairs of feet running toward us. I weakly looked toward the hamlet and saw a good twenty guards and men-at-arms wearing my father’s livery of the black gryphon on yellow, charging towards us at a terrific pace.
“Her grace! It’s her! Hoy! You!”
“Seize him! Quick, before he hurts her grace!”
I can see what they thought. Kneeling over me, bloody sword in hand, Sir Andrew must indeed have looked quite sinister to their eyes. I tried to speak out, to tell them they had got it wrong; that he had in fact saved me! But all I could manage was a weak mumble as darkness started to creep into my vision. The last thing I saw before losing consciousness was Sir Andrew looking up and just saying, “Oh bugger...” as though he really couldn’t be bothered to fight the inevitable.

>>20715459
DONE. Good NIGHT. That was WAY more of a headache than it needed to be and took me almost an HOUR OF WAITING, so I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

>>20715471

It was QUITE GOOD. Now GO TO SLEEP.
Anyway, now that 4chan seems to be back to normal, how does everyone like the tales of Sir Antoine so far? First one was in the last thread (http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20698883), and the second was earlier in this one.

File: 1347594947875.jpg-(190 KB, 678x531, 1347143064434.jpg)

I was going to write something tonight, but I guess the identity of the cloaked figure will be revealed... tomorrow!

>>20715471
I happened to be at Castle Waifu when Sir Antoine of the Order of Blades or as he has been come to be called Schrodinger's Knight (Explaing that one to the girls was like trying to teach THAC0 to a 4e fan) and some other men were setting out for the Desert of 1000 sands and the city of Serid. I got roped into coming along, not that I mind its good to spend time with over Knights, Lilly tells me that if I spend any more time alone that I will lose my ability to speak. Of course this was a threat from her and not a joke, She cares to much sometimes and worries that my slight antisocial bent will drive me mad. The thing is she doesn't realize that all us knights snapped a long time ago when we first got here.
I was asked to come along so I could deliver Sir Antoine's journal to his waifu Pak'cha, as she can not go with him as the desert sun would be murder on her health. I knew Pak'cha though not as well as I should have, Lilly had made friends with her a while back. It is good for her to have her own things like that, also keeps her out of my hair sometimes.

I had been to Serid before and it was not my cup of tea, sand every where. It was miserable but as I was just to go to the border of the desert this time, no dig deal.

>>20715494
>whoops linked to the wrong one
We arrived at the border with no problems except for some camels trying to take a bit out of a few people, but no one was seriously harmed. Sir Antoine then handed me his journal and reminded he he would prefer if I did not read it. As my habit to seek out info had reached a near legendary reputation after that incident with Harbinger, I will admit his skill with the life magics is better than mine and he is my equal if not better when it comes to being clever, but I am the one who deals with devils. Anyway I agreed to this provided he kept a accurate account of Serid culture that I could read at a later date. I want as little to do with Serid as possible but the Section on it in volume three is rather lacking.

So I set off for Castle Waifu, oh I forgot to mention that Lilly was at my side, then again she always is. There we were camping later that night when she pulled out the journal and opened it.
“He did ask for that not to be read.”
“He asked you, he made no mention of me. Besides there is something I want to know.”
“Whats that?”
“Pak'cha was worried about something.”

She flipped to the most recent page and gave it a quick scan, and then a smile crept on to her face.
“So?”
“She had nothing to worry about of course.”
“Of course, did it have to do with his new nickname?”
“Yes it did; in a way.”

>>20715500
She put the book away and then leaned up against me.
“Do you think he will make it, it is along time that he could be gone.”
“Hard to say really, we can't know till he comes back. Its like he is in a box and we don't know if he is dead or alive till we open the box. Course we could always check in on him from now and again. If he falters I'll drag him right back to Pak'cha even if Heaven and Hell stand in my way.”
“That box thing is dumb. That you would, its my favorite thing about you.”
“I have complete faith in him, a promise to a waifu is a serious thing and he is one of the best knights I have ever had the pleasure of fighting along side, they don't come much more resolute than him.”
The night pasted quietly. A little illusion magic goes a long way, but there where tracks nearby that made me nervous the next morning. Made me think that the Caliph's men were far to close. To bad I still haven't worked out that teleporting spell. Seriously its not in any book I can find. Gate? sure no problem got that figured out real quick. Have one set up leading from the courtyard to the main hall of Castle Waifu. But the ability to snap your fingers and get from here to there no dice. I must still be to low leveled. There it is again, proof that we are all mad here. That's what I should do find a girl named Alice, maybe a bunnygirl I had heard rumors that they existed on a island far out to sea. Could add them to volume four.

>>20715511
Well I was pondering my thoughts Lilly gave a nod over to a hill behind us. I could see the glint of sun of of steel. They slowly crept up on us and made a loud noise of raving their swords and screaming like men with their dicks caught in a vice (Been there done that, hell sucks). I turned in my saddle and yelled in my best evil voice.
“Eat my lightning bitches.”

Lilly and I made quick work of them, these guys were total amateurs. If I had to rate them on a scale of demons they would get one and a half demons out of ten.
“And that is why you geek the mage first.”
“I thought you said that geek was a word for some one who was of lesser stature and had odd hobbies, so how could you geek a mage? Would not the mage already be a geek.”
“You have much to learn young padwan.”
“You could quote something besides star wars ever once in a while.”
“Were would the fun in that be. Besides you know you love the plays they put on of it at the Fall Festival.”
We made it back to Castle Waifu unmolested further. For some reason this got me thinking. As we walked through the gates for probably the billionth time I said to Lilly.
“Our castle needs a name.”
“How about Demon Reach.”
“Sure, but if it starts talking in a booming voice that one is on you.”

>>20715471

Very good, now get some sleep Sir Knight. Not all of us can be nocturnal creatures.

>>20715488

Ghaa, fucking you! Teasing all of our cocks you are!

>>20715513
Lilly and I delivered the journal to Pak'cha. I do so love a good fetch quest, makes me feel like I am playing New Vegas.
“Come on Cass, its time we got home and made sure veronica hasn't wrecked the place. And I swear if I hear Johnny Guitar one more time one more time.”
Lilly gave me a look that said clear as day that she thought that I had finally flown over the cuckoos nest.
“Its a reference to something from my childhood. Don't worry I am still all here.”
This got me a good slap up side the face.
“Don't scare me like that!”
“I keep telling you your don't need to worry, I got a mind like a steel trap and the ability to keep myself sane by deflecting things with off the wall jokes and references.”

>>20715519
Thats it for me today. But I would just like to say I hit a mile stone 10000 words I have now written for this world

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>>20715511

>Its like he is in a box and we don't know if he is dead or alive till we open the box.

Glorious.

>>20715549
I could not resist. Hope the story fitted with what you were thinking.

>get field too long error three times
>change name after each time
>except not once, apparently
Whoops.
New entry
Whatever hostility there was towards me from the event seems to have died down for the most part. Belen and Annya's mom went and talked some sense into those haters. They may not be among the oldest, but they sure seem to have some sway. I'll have to investigate that. Of course, I still get some dirty looks here and there, but haters gonna hate. It's been a few days since the incident and Annya's been having trouble sleeping. Something about nightmares or something. She's taken to wanting to see me at night to help her get to sleep, which I don't have too many objections to, I guess. Feels a bit awkward to me, but it's not supposed to be a big deal in this culture, so I'm trying to get used to it. Anyway, these last few nights she's wanted me around to help her get to sleep. Each time she wants me to sing something for her. My singing voice isn't something fantastic, but it works and I've got a good repertoire. She likes it, so I guess it works. The first night was particularly adorable. She was just laying there, blanket over her pulled up partially over her face, so I'm just looking at her nose, eyes, and just that general part of her head, shyly asking if I'll sing her something to help her go to sleep. Nearly had a heart attack and died right there. I went with Sounds of Silence. Can't go wrong with Simon and Garfunkel after all. Started up and not even five seconds in she interrupts me, asking me how darkness can be an old friend. Conversation went something like this:

>>20715652
"Wait, how can darkness be an old friend? Isn't darkness bad?"
"Well, that just depends on how you look at it. I'm not all that familiar with what constitutes 'darkness' in this world, but it doesn't always have to be bad."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, consider that darkness exists alongside light. Both are needed for the world to function, there needs to be a balance. You can't have too much darkness, plants wouldn't grow. You also can't have too much light because we'd never get any sleep."
"So the world needs a little bit of both?"
"Exactly. Balance. The world needs a little bit of everything."
"Okay, I think I get it. You know, they're right about you. You really are more thinky than you are brawny."
"Yeah, always been that way. Now, are we going to sit here and discuss this into further detail or did you want me to sing something for you?"
"Oh, go ahead and sing please."
Adorable. So I sang it for her. By the end of it I could tell she was sleeping. She makes this cute snoring sound when she's out cold. The next nights went by without too much to write about, I sing her something, she falls asleep, no problems. I reckon I can only do that for so long. Girl's gotta learn to sleep on her own.

>>20715660
>Word puts it at 1333 words
Well. Wonder how many posts this will take?

New entry
I.
Well.
Today.
(the rest of the page seems to have some words, but has been thoroughly scribbled over by a pen.)
There's no way to go about this, so I'll just go over what happened today and that'll have to work.
The day started on a fantastic note. Those Dwarves came back with a fully assembled wagon for us. I was a bit sad that I wouldn't get to try and slap it together myself, but hey, this is more convenient in the long run. If anything, I get to reverse engineer the completed product. So, now we've got us some serious carrying power.
Most of the day was rather uneventful, but then there was some kind of commotion and then I was whisked away by some chick I barely recognized. Wasn't very talkative, wouldn't tell me where we were going. Soon enough, we're at some kind of party and everybody's there. I had no idea what was going on but there was some folk music, lots of food, and some dancing here and there. I later learned that I was right, it was a celebration. I ended up just milling about for a while, making some small talk with one of the girls here and there.
It just occurred to me that I've been referring to the Holstaurus as "the girls" and "ladies" and whatnot. Looks like I've been naturalizing.
Oh, the music is actually pretty neat now that I think about it. Very string-focused. High paced, but very flowy. Legato, I believe was the term, except fast. A few more different instruments and they probably could have made bluegrass.
I'm drifting. There are things that happened tonight that have to be covered.
After a while of doing nothing, I was approached by Belen. I guess I was being obvious because she knew right away I had no clue what was going on around me. So she got to explaining.

>>20715677
Apparently, much like humans, there isn't really a set age at which a Holstaurus hits puberty. Holstaurus adulthood is determined by the ability to produce milk. A girl hitting this milestone is a big enough deal that everyone gets together to celebrate it. Not that there's a problem with living that long, but rather how few children Holstaurus are able to bear. Usually, any given Holstaurus is able to have one daughter. Oh, they only have daughters, by the way. But just one. Having two is a rarity, and three, like in Belen's mother's case, is generally considered a good omen. So yeah, there's some Holstaurus biology. I feel like I may have noted it somewhere before, but the Holstaurus have very demanding biological clocks. When it goes off they head out and look for a male, any male. I guess it's only a matter of fate nobody's gone off since I've been here. So, that's what the party's for. These things apparently go on for a while and then after it's over the new woman, she picks someone, usually an aunt or cousin, and they get that whole milking thing figured out. I had just been nodding along the whole time, not really paying it any mind. Some time later they roll the lucky girl out and, hey, that's Annya. Neat, guess I can't joke about her being a little girl anymore. So she came out, there was some talking, some cheering, some more eating, and then it looked like everyone was leaving, so I started to head back. On my way back to the house, I'm stopped by a hand on my shoulder and a familiar voice whispering my name. At first I didn't think much of it, Annya probably just had something to ask me.

>>20715706
As soon as I turned around to look her in the eyes my memory kicked in, reminding me what Belen was saying. I knew what was coming and at this point there was no stopping it. No brakes on the awkward train. I'll never forget the words that came out of her mouth.
"I made this for you."
I definitely wasn't expecting her to say that. Certainly quelled my worries. I could tell she was holding something, but it was dark out and I couldn't quite make it out. I took it and could tell it was made of leather, but not what it was. Now that I'm thinking about it, something made from leather in a community of cow people is a little creepy. Let's not think about that any longer.
"You can use it for your knife. I made it myself!"
She was so proud of that. I needed a good sheath for my knife anyways, so I thanked her for it. I still need something for that sword that was so graciously gifted to me, but I didn't tell her that. As I slid the knife into my new present, she continued to talk.
"I wanted to thank you. For saving me, for building stuff, for everything, really. Well, on top of that, it's traditional to give a gift to the one joining you for your first milking."
There it was. I just about had a heart attack and died right there. I don't remember being able to say anything, but apparently I had agreed and off we went to this random spot in a field. I guess I never really took the time to think about where they keep all this milk they drink and trade, but I learned tonight.

>>20715723
It would be poor form for me to detail it, but it's hidden by mundane and magical means. The place is surprisingly cold, I'll have to figure out how they do that. But down we went into this place, some kind of glowing crystal things on the ceiling providing us with light. We got to this stall, I guess would be the best word, and sat down on a couple of stools. I don't know how long we sat there in silence, felt like a couple days. She spoke first.
"Well, this is it."
Not helping my situation any. Is this what happens to virgins before sex? Awkward silence interrupted by awkward talking? I let her know that I had no idea how to even begin this sort of thing.
"Oh, well it's easy. I think."
Oh fantastic. Real inspiring. Apparently, the process is simple enough. Squeeze milk into bottle, repeat until tired. My theory on where the milk comes from turned out to be correct, but that was fairly obvious. Oh, but it gets better! Turns out being too nervous or stressed out actually impedes the process enough that nothing comes out. So it's not enough that I'm trying to handle some tits and get something out of them, I have to calm her down as I do so while she's making these little sounds that are causing less blood to get to my brain. Through some kind of miracle I had a moment of clarity and used my free hand to rub her head while humming a bit for her. I am a Rock? Was that what it was? Can't even remember anymore.

>>20715741
Whatever it was, it sure seemed to calm her down. Turns out milk is a bit weird to aim, the margin of error is pretty slim. Now that I'm back and I'm thinking, maybe we can make some funnels to help out with that. I'll go over that in the blueprint pad. So, we got that done, left the place, and returned home. Before going in, she stopped me to say, "Thanks again. For everything. I know you're from another place and I'm sure you miss it, but I'm glad you came here and if you ever went back I know I'd miss you."
I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how I feel about plenty of things right now. It's tearing me apart from the inside.
Wait, I just wrote home to refer to this place. Huh. Is that me accepting my fate on a subconscious level? As much as I want to go home, do I already have too much stake in this one to leave it as easily as I would like to?
I can't think anymore.

>>20715723
Glorious you story is helping me with mine regarding my run in with the Holstaurus so thanks for that

>>20715752
>five
>five posts
>ah ah ah
Cripes, that's nutty. Five posts about nothing? It's almost like I'm a Seinfeld writer.

>>20715755
>I'm helping
Holy crap somebody is actually reading my stuff. Didn't see that coming.
I should be able to get something else in tomorrow. I've got most of it as a rough idea, but I'm betting it ends up bugging someone.

>>20715764

Nothing? I think not? I'm beginning to really enjoy the Adventures of Jay Dubya. It's good writing, with characters I give a damn about. Also, you managed to skillfully write the milking scene in a way that only the most hardcore of perverts could masturbate to.

Any chance I could make mention of your tales in one of my own? I'm thinking a Holstaurus that Sir Virgil meets on the road who mentions that her friend's neighbours' 3rd cousin knows someone who has a human on their farm, that sort of thing.

>>20715798
Yep unlike me who keeps adding really awkward sex things to the story, but that is what you get when you character is in love with a succubus.
>>20715778
Do you have a idea when your story takes place in the grand scheme of things

Hm, it seems I might've accidentally hijacked someone's character. Looking through the archives, I found this bit of writefaggotry.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20666515/#p20673873

I'm putting together a foreword, glossary, and whatever else I might need for that book someone mentioned a while back. I'm using my Librarian character as a framing device of sorts, and that's all fine and dandy. However, I don't want to steal someone's character.

Is the guy behind Olin still reading these threads? If so, do I have your permission to use the name? What about the writefaggotry I linked?

>>20715859
Anyway, I'm heading to bed. I'll check the thread in the morning. If you need me, feel free to send me an email.