>EPISODE 1
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/37346691/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/37363412/

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SO

You sit silently at a table at the seedy tavern, a black eye swelling up after being coldcocked by the Elf, B'raed.

Next to you is Orc Brad, reading the book you found in the dungeon, telling of the Appellomancer.

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>>37377264
Across the table, glaring at you, is B'raed. And next to them is the Skeleton you picked up from the Dungeon, who seems to be looking at you too.

WHAT DO YOU DO??

>>37377283
Apologize most profoundly and profusely. Also get as teak to reduce eye swelling.

>>37377283
Sing a song so elf brad is no more pissed

>>37377283
Do >>37377299
and >>37377338, we need our bros together.

What is this

>>37377385
Greatest quest of all time

>>37377385
It is the best drawquest I've encountered.

>>37377283
Do some Bardtending.

Gartendo: The Brad Bardtendo

>>37377385
catch up. It's worth it.

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>>37377299
>>37377338
>>37377357
You sing out a beautiful song of apology to B'raed

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>>37377576
Unfortunately it doesn't seem to work

It does get you a steak, though.

>>37377594
Apply steak then sing a song so orc brad prositute himself for elf brad
meanwhile, read the book

>>37377594
Apply steak, and if apology will not sway her then perhaps a promise of adventure will. We've got to head out and find the Appello!

>>37377594
No one minds the skeleton?

>>37377864
Part of our band, she's cool bro.

>>37377864
We'll initiate romance soon enough, once the brads are all bros and the adventure is underway.

>>37377884
>>37377898
I don't mean us. Doesn't anyone else at the pub mind the skeleton?

At the very least the bartender shouldn't be too happy sparing a seat for a non-drinker.

>>37377941
She's drinking milk
Gotta solidify those bones

>>37377970
Oh.

Anyway,

>>37377594
Cook a nice steak for orc-Brad. Ask him what he has found out over dinner.

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>>37377751
You explain to her that you'll get the treasure you promised her soon and that you'll head out for the Appello soon.

>"You're damn right, Gropey"
She grumbles.

Well things seem patched up for now! What's your next course of action??

>>37378060
Barbecue stake. Discuss orc-Brad's findings over dinner.

>>37378060
If we cleaned out skele-bard's dungeon Not that one! we should find another local dungeon and clear it out. If we haven't we should finish. Not like that either perv-os!

>>37378090
This

>>37378060
We should do this >>37378099, but pervy.

>>37378060
Is orc-Brad the bookish one in our group?
What did he find?

Is Gartendo a thrallherd?

>>37378060
Go find the dongeon of the Appello
and during the journey do >>37378172

>>37378060
Comment on how she has a lovely penis.

>>37378090
I second (third?) this.

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>>37378090
That night, you sit Orc Brad down and have a lovely steak dinner. You casually bring up the book that he had been reading earlier in the day.

>"Eh, most of it seemed like legends and fairy-tales"
He says between mouthfuls of steak
>"But, I did see mention of a town. Old Zigberg up north."

Old Zigberg, you know, is northern mountain town located across a wide sea.

What do you do with this knowledge??

>>37378216
Not really a thrallherd, just a bard that has power over those named Brad or some variant of Brad.

>>37378412
First, we attempt to reconcile with B'raed, and tell her not to be ashamed of her feminine penis. Then, we go adventuring to Zigberg!

>>37378412
Off to Old Zigberg then! Does Orc-Brad or any of the others know a quick way to get there?

>>37378412
We must do this>>37378439, only once Elf Brad is bros with us can we be an effective band.

>>37378439
>>37378449
>>37378412
Get money so you can get to Zigberg on a luxury cruise. Get elf-Brad 1st class tickets, as an apology.

>>37378412
Damn you OP now I want a steak
Sing song in street to get money, then use money to buy places on a boat, then bone skele-bard during boat trip

>>37378439
maybe it was just a giant clit we felt

>>37378412
Across the ocean? We might need some travel funds to get there. Another local dungeon?

>>37378497
No, OP made it quite clear it was a penis. Also stop being That Guy.

>>37378475
For that much, you could just pay "her" the money Orc-Brad owes and be done with it.

>>37378477
I doubt we can get enough with just street perfomance.. We need a gig.

>>37378562
> just being done with our bros
>"her"
You aren't a part of that vigilante bard life, I suggest you learn to respect one's bros.

>>37378562
What? Why? We don't want to get rid of her, do we?

>>37378569
A gig... with a hook. What instruments can the skeleton play?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCQxl4Ae84w

>>37378412
Gather more about the Intel from allies. Throw the skeleton the steak bone too. As info bribe.

Elf on guitar, orc on drums, skeleton on bass and we sing. Brad and the Bradly Bunch

>>37378619
She was in drums, orc was bass, elf got flute, and we te charming hero are the lead singer

>>37378603
All I'm saying is, I think she'd be a bit miffed if we earned enough gold to pay that debt, then quickly pissed it all away on a boat trip.

>>37378674
no we got the cowbell skellington

>>37378663
I think skeleton was on drums though. Pretty sure she was in her last band, at least.

>>37378663
The skeleton plays cowbell, and the Orc plays Bass. Kind of.

>>37378706
>>37378731
Aw, lame. (Don't say it to her face, though.)

>>37378696
Ok, so how about we take up menial work around the ship to afford for elf-Brad to travel first class?

I think that would be really nice of us.

What think?

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>>37378439
>>37378449
You continue in silence toward the docks, per Orc Brad's suggestion.
You attempt to apologize once more, but are cut off.
>"Just don't do it again and we're fine."
She says curtly.

GOOD ENOUGH.

>>37378746
Or we could try to get the gig on the ship? (With artist privlidges included) thus getting to play, possibly first class and a free trip?

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>>37378819
You arrive at the docks, a modest little place. You're greeted by a large, wooden sign
>"BOATS TO OLD ZIGBERG: 2 GOLD PER BODY"

And wouldncha know it, you have exactly 0 gold currently.

TIME TO GET CREATIVE

>>37378819
>SHE

>>37378819
i love that uncomfortable ass look. this is wonderful.

we should try to get a gig on the ship. might get us decent room if the pay is bad.

>>37378844
Sing a song about giving us lods of emone in the town square to any passing Brads will fork over the dosh.

>>37378820
Better yet!

Orc-Brad will make an Olivia Newton-John tribute.

>>37378844
Gather two gold, point out that the only 'body' is our skelebro, as the rest of us are living people and not corpses.

>>37378890
smart ass.

>>37378881
"Let's get physical" specifically.

>>37378844
Hide the skeleton in a bag. Reassemble later.

>>37378857
Elf pronouns are different.

>>37378873
>>37378844
Quickest way. Maybe perform while we're on the boat for some more cash, if only so we're not broke next time we need money.

>>37378844
Looks like we need to find a gig.

>>37378857
That's what you usually call women, yes.

>>37378922
>>37378881
>>37378871
>>37378820
A gig on the ship.

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>>37378873
You guys rock out with an original piece; "Hey Brad(s), Please Fork Over the Dosh!"

And it rocks like a motherfucker

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>>37379118

>>37379118
B'raed looks like she's fellating a floating dick.

>>37379118
Look at that skeleton working her hips.
Fucking slut.

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>>37379118
Unfortunately there is no one around to hear it, much less any Brads.

Unrecognized talent, I say.

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>>37379184
But wait! Who's this?? A fellow appears before you, grinning happily.
>"Say, you guys aren't half bad!"
He compliments.

What say you to this fan of yours?

>>37379118
I bet the ships captain just happens to passby, hears our awsome music and offers us a gig on the ship.

>>37379184
Wait, are there no actual ships? Just boats? And we're supposed to cross the sea that way?

>>37379217
"Thanks! Who the hell are you?"

>>37379217
"Thanks"
"What's your name? Mind if I call you Brad?"

>>37379217
"Thanks, we were just trying to make some gold for a boat ride. Know any place a band of adventurers could make some cash?"

>>37379225
Yeah!

>>37379247
Oh, you.

>>37379153
Friend, that's how you look playing an elven piccolo. There's literally no other way. You know how elves can be.

>>37379217
Thanks. We'd be totally glad to play an encore but we definitely need to go across the ocean and we've hardly got the time if we're going to go gather up a boat fare.

Unless, y'know, you're a ship captain by total miraculous coincidence and we can work out a deal so the sweet tunes can continue unabated.

There may be a couple more skeletal percussion solos than average as the living accommodate with seasickness.

>>37379250
With those exact words

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>>37379231
>>37379250
>>37379285
>"Well,"
He begins
>"By total miraculous coincidence, I happen to be the captain of that fine vessel over there. We stopped by the port to pick up supplies, but this place is barren. Then I saw you guys and thought I'd swing by!"

He motions to a decent looking ship rocking in the water next to the dock.

>"If you'd be willing to provide some entertainment aboard the ship, I'd be happy to bring you along!"

WOW! WHAT DO YOU DO??

>>37379376
You know what must be done.
>>37378945

>>37379376
>BARAQUEST
Uh, it's the musical kind of entertainment, right? We don't want to wear out Orc Brad's gimmick prematurely and the rest of us don't quite have the proper physique to pick up the slack.

>>37379376
I like your salt and pepper.

>>37379376
Mister, you got yourself an band. Lets rock.

>>37379376
>>37378945
>A gig on the ship.
AND we bone skellington chick

>>37379437
Also yeah. It's fitting. It'd have been a surprise if he weren't a sea captain what with his very captainly demeanor.

That and also because it would've defied our bradic sense of narrative.

>>37379376
Ask him what that fine vessel's name be.

Then rename it the S SBradley Cooper.

>>37379376
fuck yeah!

also orc brad can provide some private entertainment for the lonely sailors too for some price of course.

>>37379376
Get on the ship.

But dunk orc Brad's bass in the water first, it's been holding its breath an awfully long time.

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>>37379701
>>37379501
>>37379444
You agree and board his ship, nearly shaking with excitement!

>"Well, folks..."
Be begins

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>>37379934
>"Welcome aboard the SS Shanghai!"
He says proudly, showing off the ship and its unsavory looking crew.

What do you make of all this, brave hero and co.?

>>37379954
WE SING OF COURSE
sing about mermaid & stuff

>>37379954
What? We're pirates now? Oh...

Use skeleton girl's portrait as our Jolly Roger.

>>37379954
BEGIN THE SHANTY.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avaSdC0QOUM

>>37379954
Sheeeeeiiiiiit
Try and excuse ourselves, pirate life isn't really the life for us, you know?

>>37379954
Begin a happy song about wide ocean, seafaring, adventure and a fair girl named bradlyn

>>37379992
Get a bandanna for our skeleton.

A cute one.

And a cutlass.

>>37380019
This. A thousand times this. Being on a boat is godliness.

>>37379992
Absolutely yes.

>>37380068
>>37379954
Look, you're allowed to sing about piracy without actually being a pirate. Just keep their minds off of the dangerous realities of climbing rigging in high winds and having scurvy and boring camping out in shipping lanes and go with the swashbuckling stuff that probably drew them to the lifestyle in the first place.

So long as there aren't any Pirate Brads to be magically incited to piracy by our sweet shanty we're in the clear legally, I think.

>>37380190
Why does she need that? She's already a cute lass.

>>37380190
We should all get new cutlasses, and possibly an eyepatch or two for each

>>37380233
>>37380219
A cutlass for the cute lass

>>37380068
being on board their ship doesn't mean we are pirates.

besides we already took the job and by our pride as bards WE. WILL. SING.

>>37380219
>that spoiler
Oh you.

>>37380233
Didn't elf-Brad knock one of our teeth out? Maybe we could get a golden replacement.

>>37380256
the skeleton is a dude, you know that right?

>>37380273
Exactly. If anyone asks, we were abducted by pirates against our will and forced to perform.

>>37379954
This seems legit, some genuinely friendly people around. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

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>>37380273
>>37380219
>>37380159
You sing a rousing song of the salty sea life. A ballad for the ages! It features the high seas, beautiful wenches, dashing heroes, and exhilarating swashbuckling!

>>37380361
>dat file name

>>37380361
We are going to mop the deck aren't we.

elf brad is a guy and I will NOT recognise him by his preferred pronoun

>>37380393
That is just rude.

>>37380393
Look, I 'm not sure you understand how elves work.

>>37380393
Elf Brad is an Elf and all Elves are shes.

>>37380393
rude, elf brad is our friend. how would you like it if your friends didn't call you by your preferred pronoun.

>>37380393
What about shi?

Kiss the skelton. RIGHT ON THE TEETH.

>>37380432
That makes my homoeroticsm for Drizzt, more or less gay?

>>37380361
Now bone skelling-chick

>>37380457
Yes.

>>37380438
elf brad is a guy skeleton brad is a girl and nothing will change this

>>37380457
only slightly less.

>>37380393
eh, it's part of their culture i don't want to disrespect elf brad any further.

>>37380457
It's not gay if it's an elf. Because she's a she, whether or not she is a she.

>>37380482
elves are all crossdressing poofters anyway

>>37380432
Agreed. No matter their genitals (or what ever they use as reproductive organs). all elf are females inside/in spirit

>>37380485
This is becoming very confusing.

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>>37380361
The notes carry on over the seas, echoing from the ship in perfect tune!

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>>37380598
They even carry over to the crows nest...

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>>37380622
And into the ear...

>>37380598
Going to regret it, but just have to say this.. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

>>37380598
Make sure the helmsman gets a little bit of musical attention too. Poor bastard's stuck behind us with a cape flapping in his face the whole time.

>>37380598
>>37380622
>>37380647
SHIT SHIT HSIT

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>>37380647
Of first-mate Bradley

>>37380673
One uber pirate coming (from) up

>>37380673
noice

>>37380673
i'm guessing shit is about to go down.

>>37380673
BRADLEY, BRADLEY. PAY ATTENTION. DOING REGULAR CROW'S NESTY THINGS IS A SUPER IMPORTANT PIRATE THING TO DO.

WHO'S THE GUY WHO YELLS "LAND HO!"? THAT'S YOU. THAT'S LIKE, THE OCEANIEST, MOST ICONIC THING. KEEP YOUR EYE OUT AND DON'T COME SWINGING DOWN OR DO THAT SHITTY MOVIE THING WHERE YOU JAB YOUR CUTLASS INTO THE SAIL AND RIDE IT ALL THE WAY DOWN.

SIT. STAY.

>>37380673
>>37380768
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMC4Nq1QqYk

I'm sleepy. I hope things aren't too bad for us.

At least skelly can't drown.

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>>37380673
The Captain comes over, laughing heartily, and slaps you on the back.
>"Heavens to Betsy, that was wonderful!"
He says, keeling over.
>"You're quite the special fella, aren't ya?"

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>>37380913
Your party claps as you finish
>"Good job, sir!"
Orc Brad says
B'raed look away and shrugs
>"Yeah, it was alright."
The skeleton merely crosses it's hands over it's heart and bounces a little.

WHAT DO YOU DO NOW, FRIEND?

>>37380940
Caress Skellington's bony hips.
Kiss their lipless mouth
Show them our boner.

>>37380940
Talk to Skelly in ASL

>>37380964
This quest is set in America?

>>37380955
yes but in private please

>>37380975
Is there anywhere else?

>>37380955
>>37380964
>>37380985
That skeleton has a mustache. It's a guy

>>37381006
Those are cheekbones, dude.

>>37381006
no she doesn't that's a woman skeleton if ever i saw one

>>37381006
kek

>>37380940
Play another one, see if they start throwing tips.

>>37380940
anyone else just get it, the elf is the love interest who is really angry and stuff all the time but loves us and wants the best, we just gotta show the sweet soft side.

>>37380955
Nooo, don't do that out here, in public. That's too embarrassing for the poor girl.

>>37381070
gaaaaay

>>37381070
The word you're looking for is tsundere

All elves are tsun.

>>37380940
>it's heart and bounces a little.
wait. what?

anyways go socialize with the crew

>>37380940
Calmly receive adoration! Totally ignore sense of foreboding!

Remind Orc Brad that he should probably submerge his instrument temporarily like >>37379814 recommended earlier.

Also your puns have been great and you should feel great even if they weren't actually intentional.
>keeling over
>coldcocked

>>37381126
>socialize with the crew
This'd be nice. How did Yarrman get his hook? It's bound to be a great tale for us to totally steal for future bradic retellings.

>>37381126
>>37380940
I'm with this one. Other options are 2lewd.

>>37380940
Ay it wasn't half bad, but now captain ,if you dont mind, i and my companions would like to freshen up a bit before we really get started with our performance, perhaps we could get something to drink too, all this singing has made my throat dry

Sorry guise, PS crashed. Gonna be another sec. Talk amongst yourselves

would it be masturbation if you secured a fleshlight to skeleton's hip bone and had sex?

>>37381102
thank you for educating me anon. i didnt know what that meant.... guess i never cared enough to look it up.

>>37381229
We don't need that, just a lot of lube

>>37381143
I assure you, they're all punintentional

>>37381229
>Not playing her ribs like the xylophone with your dick

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>>37381143
The Captain is saying something, but you're not really paying attention. You're too full of the warm fuzzy's from your friend's admiration

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>>37381509
The Skeleton goes very still as you look at her. It must really like your music, Gartendo! I'm sure that's just it...

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>>37381532
That's strange. The Elf is acting all weird again. Eh, you know how Elves are. They probably just are jealous of your musical abilities or something!

>>37381532
SO KAWAII

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>>37381556
But this warm moment is destroyed like a fart cutting through a field of flowers as you hear the whirring of a rope as a crewmember begins a fast descent from the crows nest!

>>37381594
Sing him a calming lullaby!

>>37381594
QUICK! Sing a song about turning your head to the right abruptly! Make him sever the rope with his mouthknife! Show him that mouthknives are spectacularly stupid!

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>>37381594
He lands with a thud right in front of you! His eyes are a blood-red and he has a dagger in his mouth! This guy looks like the very definition of hostile!

What do you do?!

>>37381594
>>37381619
I FUCKING KNEW IT

>>37381556
Wonderful

>>37381619
Song of sleep!

>>37381556
>>37381532
I CAME FOR AN ADVENTURE BUT I GOT MY FAVORITE ANIMES

>>37381619
>Sing the song "Calm yo tits, brad"

>>37381636
>>37381657
Yes

>>37381619
Use our billowing red cape it's red because we are red, that's how this works I think to taunt him like a bullfighter into charging us with his mouthknife, and then dodge deftly! Hopefully it'll get embedded in the mast or something and he'll be stuck fast and we can tie him there with his own rope.

And then I guess hope there are no sirens because then he's going to be the only person who's actually safe. Unless the Sirens are our next obligatory battle of the bands, I guess.

>>37381619
"Orc brad! throw me the bass!"

"I have to warn you good sir, i am the only master of the deadly arts of bassquando."

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>>37381604
>>37381636
>>37381657
You quickly belt out a note, the beginning of the song; "Brad, Calm the Fuck Down"

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>>37381869
But before you get out even the second note, Brad flings the dagger at you!

>>37381886
Dodge Nigga

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>>37381886
And wouldn't you know it? It sticks right into your soft, meaty shoulder! A sharp pain knocks the breath out of you!

Quick! What do you do?!

>>37381915
A good bradbard doesn't let something like a stab wound interrupt his singing! Proceed!

>>37381915
Sing a tune about how wounds never last forever.

>>37381915
>Orcbrad, help!
"also why'd this effect bradly and not Orcbrad? or elf brad?

>>37381931
Seconding

>>37381915
run around the ship in pain.

>>37381957
curse of the brad song? I guess if their name REALLY is brad the song makes them go utterly BAZERKER on the singer?

>>37381915
Huh. I thought that was just a poofy shakespearean sort of deal. I guess we've just got really buff, spherical shoulders. Well, he's disarmed himself for us, which is nice.

Get him to come at us and then swash his belt buckle such that it can't keep his pants in place. Ain't nobody who can fight properly with their pants falling off.

>>37381974
That sounds like a good idea!

>>37381886
Guess he didn't like the Song?

>>37381915
Scream like a girl and sob. Except in an operatic way.

>>37381931
Thirding.

>>37381915
"Defend me, my calcium mistress!"

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>>37381957
>>37381931
You know when it's time to call in help! But you also know a fleshwound wont stop your pipes! You sing out a weak power-up song to Orc Brad as you call for backup!

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>>37382311
And with a single bound and bloodlust in his eyes, he leaps over the balcony and onto the crazed attacker!

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>>37382336
And proceeds to give it to him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIeSGUK-Lyo#t=0m20s

>>37382004
We have the great, really deformed shoulder muscles of a MAN
>>37381915
Let's hace orc brad ROCK OUT

>>37382311
>>37382336
>>37382356
SING A SONG OF HEALING TO HEAL FIRST MATE BRADLEY AND CALM DOWN ORCBRAD, WE MUST COLLECT MORE BRADS.

You guys know the captain of the ships liable to be angry about this yes? Then again his crewman there just randomly assaulted you so maybe theres some leeway.

>>37382356
Second >>37382379
Now we have a pirate brad

>>37382379
Million brad march please

>>37382356
I er... was hoping you'd just continue the lullaby since he disarmed himself.

Anyhow... get that blade out of your shoulder.

>>37382356
Also QMAnon, could you make a twitter? I'd really hate to miss a thread.

>>37382356
i'm hoping bradley wasn't the captain's lover or something.

This is a 10/10 quest thread. Whenever anyone says 'quests are shit' ever again I'm bringing up this thread to prove them wrong.

>>37382483
they wouldn't give it the time of day and it's their loss.

>>37382379
yes

>>37382483
>joined up with a Tsundere Orc, a Trap(?) Elf, and a Moe Skeleton.
You're going to prove them wrong with haremshit? Good luck with that. I for one am quite disappointed my filter doesn't seem to be working.

>>37382717
>confirmed just reading the OP

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>>37382417
You toss the blade down onto the mangled corpse. Orc Brad chills a bit and looks upon his work, looking vaguely satisfied. The Captain, however, looks on in horror

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>>37382878
>>37382379
You clear your throat and belt out beautiful notes and tones! The wind whips up your cape in a very dramatic fashion as you sing the song of Life-Brad!

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>>37382908
....well.... he looks pretty dead still...

>>37377232
My current PCs name is Braid. He is a bard.

I think we would make beautiful music together, if you know what I mean.

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>>37382935
Sorry kid, looks like your voice can't bring back the dead. At least no yet anyways.

The captain glares at you. You feel the rage building up inside him and radiating outward

>>37383000
Welp, time to skedaddle!

>>37383000
I think you mean "my /Brad/"

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>37383000
Roll to seduce.

>>37383010
How? you're on the freaking ocean. Gotta think of something else here I'm afraid.

>>37383032
>18
God wills it!

>>37383000
>"He attacked me, it was self defense!"

>>37383000
>What did you expect ? He fucking stabbed me

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>>37382908
>>37382935

>>37383000
To be fair, he tried to murder us.

Uh, feed the crewman's heart to a passing seabird, using the well-studied properties of heart meat (that it gives the eater the powers of the eaten) to turn the bird into a de facto Brad.

Then bewitch the bird into taking up the duties of the fallen crewman. Done and done.

>>37383032
>>37383065
Wherever we go, we must also seduce. Such is the life of the Bradbard.

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>>37383032
You pull the ol' "Oops, I think I dropped something" to try and seduce him away from anger!

>>37383198
Don't think its working this time...

>>37383198
Fan! Tastic!

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Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>37383198

>>37383240
Oh jesus.

>>37383198
Should've played your Trap Card.
And by that I mean the elf.
Or your homosex orc.

Rolled 182 (1d1000)

>>37383198
..Maybe we need bigger dice?

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>>37383240
>Rolled 1 (1d20)

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>>37383240
>1

>>37383198
>>37383240
I love this quest

>>37383256
Yeeeeeah, except not really
>>37383198
>>37383240
Can we still do the apologize song we tred on B'raed erlierß

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>>37383240
>Rolled 1 (1d20)

Welp you're ass is getting booted off the boat me thinks Bradbard!

Is this the end of our hero?!

>>37383240
I am sure this roll is the capitan trying to resist us.

We did it guys!

>>37383314
oh jezz, he's gonna plunder our booty if that's the case! SAVE US TRAP BRAD!

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>>37383240
Before the Captain has a chance to wreck your ass, and not in the way you were attempting, the skeleton rushes up and kneels next to the corpse . Her hands start to glow. What could she be doing??

>>37377264
>coldcocked
heh

>>37383350
Skeletal empathic resonance! Or something.

>>37383350
We've got our healer!

>>37383350
>STOP HER! BEFORE SHE SUMMONS MORE UNDEAD!!

>>37383350
WAIT WIAT WHAOAHOA HOAHAOHAOHA HOLLLLLLLLLLD IT!

THE SKELETON IS A HEALER?!

AND SHE DIDN'T HEAL GLORIOUS BRADBARD FIRST?!

>>37383350
Oh good gods, why didn't we see that earlier
She's our stereotypical moeblob healer!

>>37383350
Hmmm, I think she's trying to loot him.
She's clearly stealing the light he kept in his breast pocket.

Allow her to carry on.

>>37383350
SHE IS TAKING THE MAN'S SKIN AND FLESH TO COVER HER BONES. ALL SHE WANTS TO TO BE A NORMAL PERSON FOR YOU ONIICHAN

>>37383403
>The skeleton is Foo Fighters
Can't handle the moe.

>>37383350
CAN SHE HEAL OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH BR'AED
AS A BRADBARD, WE MUST CLAIM ALL BRADS AS OUR OWN BEFORE THE YEAR IS UP

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>>37383403
>>37383402
>>37383393
>>37383390
>>37383383
>>37383376
>>37383369
Suddenly, the man shoots up! The blood, bone, and organs soaked up back into his body! He awakes with a load scream as the skeleton claps it's hands in excitement.

>>37383454
Hug the skeleton! Tell her she is awesome.

>>37383454
Recruit brad, we need all brads.

>>37383390
>AND SHE DIDN'T HEAL GLORIOUS BRADBARD FIRST?!
We had to treat our own black eye manually with a steak, and she's cranium over calcaneus for us.

I can appreciate her wanting to save her miraculous healing abilities for the really tough stuff.

>>37383454
I dont really think it is a clap.

More like a clack.

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>>37383454
You manage a weak, bloody smile as The Captain stops pummeling your face it.

>"Bradley?! Are you ok?"
He chokes out.

Bradley feels his stomach and smiles up at The Captain.

>"Actually, never better!"

WELL! THAT WAS CLOSE! WHAT NOW?

>>37383454
Ask skelly if she can't revive herself.

>>37383469
And break up the 4-person party? This is the perfect number

>>37383485
She is already alive, you moron. Don't be so insensitive.

>>37383503
Trueeee but i kinda want a legion, maybe not a part of the immediate party

>>37383485
I think this is probably either a very delicate subject or one that's totally taboo.

>>37383484
Ask if we can make our way down to the galley and see if we can't find another mystical curative steak. We're gonna need it.

>>37383484
Recruit pirate brad

>>37383484
Ask for a heal you can't feel your face, or teeth.

>>37383484
Does he still need his eyepatch?

if we ever get Skelly alive again or another character of importance, lets roll for hotness, always a potentially hilarious thing to add to the game

>>37383527
They're gonna be the multifarious friends we met on our journey that all make climactic reappearances somewhere near the end of our journey to help us out when we're in a pinch. It's a tried and true narrative device; one a bard can appreciate.

>>37383484
>>37383570
I second this.

BRB GUISE Chik Fil A run

>>37383484
Reward skeleton by... holding hands...

Great Quest. Just joining in now. Is episode 1 worth reading?

>>37383779
..Yes?

>>37383779
yes, and itll be quick to go through, you can probably do it by the time op gets back

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>>37383585
>>37383570
>>37383550
You ask the Skeleton if it can fix your face back up. Behind you, you hear some sort of commotion.

>>37384241
Oh no no no, we are not going to whore out Skelly, reject them before they even have the chance to ask.

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>>37384241
It looks down at it's hands, the light quickly draining from them. It shakes it's head at you.

Looks like it used up the last of it's skelemagic on bringing Bradley back.

WHELP. WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>37384268
Draw on skelly to show our displeasure

>>37384268
recharge its magic with the power of lovemaking

>>37384268
Scratch your beardbrad. Ponderously.

>>37384268
HAVE IT WRITE ITS NAME DOWN Bet it's not brad

>>37384268
Hug skeleton healer.
Ask her name.
Bro fist.

>>37384268
>Scratch your beard, ominously

>>37384268
We're gonna be on a confined ship for the next few days. We must discover the true mystery of the elf's gender. This is our only hope, we must put everything we have into this.

>>37384358
Why don't we just ask?

>>37384375
That would be far too direct and normal. We're the kind of folk who becomes a bradbard, we don't abide by the laws of elf and man.

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>>37384346
>>37384322
You scratch your beard thoughtfully. While in deep though, The Captain comes up to you.

>"Please get off my ship."
He says sternly.

>>37384530
Exactly where will we be getting off his ship at? Have we reached land?

>>37384530
No.

Summon Bradly to defend you

>>37384530
Point at the lack of land around you.

>>37384551
This.

>>37384530

>Certainly. I wouldn't want any further bad blood. However may I sing you a farewell ballad first?

>Sing a song to summon storms or rouse the attentions of a god or goddess of the sea, possibly vengeful. Possibly named Brad

>>37384581
Ah yet, Pobraddon.

>>37384581
this

>>37384530
Get off his ship? Only one way, get on top of him so we won't be touching his ship.

>>37384530
We'll get off when we reach port.

Might as well keep up the nautical terminology double entendres. They're sure to get through to him.

>>37384530
You wanna know whats awesome?


>Check the first word again

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>>37384628
>>37384562
>>37384549
Shocked, you go to motion that you're in the middle of the ocean, but you see that you've actually arrived at the dock on the other side of the sea; as far north as you can travel before you have to reach Old Zigburg by land.

What do you do?

>>37384689
Leave the ship, and let Bradley the pirate be as he is. Undead is bad juju, and we already have enough in our band.

>>37384689
We can't get off here, this is bat county!

>>37384689
Confirm the damn elf's gender. We shall devise an elaborate pulley system with the help of orc brad to spy on it whole it bathes.

>>37384689
Sing a farewell song so sad they cant help but cry for us to come back, then strut off like the divas we are

>>37384689
say thanks to the captain and land ashore, to riches!

>>37384711
We did confirm, she has a penis.

>>37384728
Yes, we must confirm wether it has both. This is an elf we're talking about.

>>37384689
Oh.

Well.

Alright.

Cool. You've got a pretty quick boat.

Double-check your map to make sure the previously given spelling of Old ZigbErg was due to mapmaker error and that we aren't getting off in the wrong place in order to walk miles upon miles only to find ourselves in a totally different but very similarly spelled town. hue

>>37384735
please stop.

>>37384735
Nah, we gotta become proper bros with her, and romance her tsundere side. Then we won't need trickery, she'll show us.

>>37384773
I just want a pulley system dammit. We can find some use for it. Pulley systems are so damn useful.

>>37384728
It was an artificial penis devised to foil molestation attempts. It's been scientifically proven she is female.

>>37384735
Can you save this stuff for when theres downtime like if we're at a tavern or something? , kinda autistic you guys voting for this at every turn regardless of whats actually happening

>>37384803
I'd rather just have a big lever.
With a big enough lever you can move the world.

>>37384817
Highly, highly unlikely. Either way, we should just do >>37384773.

>>37384818
It's just one person doing it now that we know she has a dick.

>The great mystery of our time
>DO SHE GOT A DICK

>>37384826
The levels can help with the pulley system. We can find friendship, love, and even the elf's gender along the way. Pulley systems can do anything man.

Any problem you have can be solved with a complicated enough pulley system.

>>37384852
The greater mystery of our time

Do we give a fuck

We are the bradbard

All brads are our domain

>>37384268
True love's kiss is the only way we can restore skeleton back to full magic and stop her from fading away

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>>37384707
>>37384721
You say your thanks and head off the ship. You all turn around and wave goodbye to your new friends!

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>>37385043
Well, this is why you do it. Adventure, I mean. You get to travel the world, meet new people, and hopefully when you part, you've made a huge difference in their li-

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>>37385071
-oh.

Oh... umm... well... there they go. Back into the blue... lets just forget we ever saw that.

You're back on dry land at the foot of a dark dark forest with a black eye and a tired looking party. It's starting to get dark too...

>>37385071
This either ends very well or very poorly.

>>37385096
I told you all, undead is bad juju! Good thing skellymoe didn't heal our face.

Let's pitch a tent for the night.
And then let's set up camp.

>>37385096
..Might want to ask Skeleton about that.

Also set up camp ASAP!

>>37385096
We need to move quickly! We shall use orc brad as our packmule to travel. I'm sure we can use the bass as a carrot on a stick thing.

>>37385096
Move quickly ask skelebro if that was intentional and try to heal self with pure notes of music.

>>37385096
Well, turning into zombies is better than nothing. At least they'll still have a skeleton crew so it won't end up a full-fledged ghost ship.

>>37385096
Oh wow, >>37383383 was right.

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>>37385148
>>37385128
You all look horrified at the Skeleton, screams of the crew fading off into the distance.

>>37385096
looks like it's time to set up camp, i hear stargazing is good this time of the year.

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>>37385299
It scratches it's head and shrugs earnestly.
Probably nothing to worry about.

Will you set up camp now??

>>37385312
Calling it now. Skeleton is gonna kill us all.

>>37385312
Yes let us set up camp, and devise an elaborate pulley system.