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>>38048295
Even on top of all that, life in Gamindustri is really damned complicated. Today, you fought no less than two half-insane outcasts who apparently either want to kill or capture Rokko, the Blue Bomber herself, along with anyone associated with her. Blanc, the patron goddess of Lowee and all things Nintendo just flew off to confront one of her divine rivals, Vert of Leanbox, over said half-insane outcasts. And a call to one of your friends (living in Leanbox, of course) revealed that shit may or may not be going down there.

A part of you wishes that you'd never gotten wrapped up in any of this. Dwarves, at least, only ever have to deal with 1) dying from monsters or vampires, 2) dying from dodging off pits or waterfalls, or 3) dying because someone couldn't find that one silk cloth they needed to complete an artifact and started breaking skulls.

Beside you, Rokko slogs through the snow, carrying a goddess over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. A very drunken, very annoying sack of potatoes.

[ ] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.
[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.
[ ] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.
[ ] [FAST TRAVEL] Given all that's going on, it might be a good idea to get into Lowee as soon as you can.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>38048308
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.
>[ ] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.

>>38048308
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.

>>38048308
>[ ] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.
>[ ] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.

>>38048308
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.

We should really offer Neptune Main character status if she can grow us a beard.

>>38048446
>We should really offer Neptune Main character status if she can grow us a beard.

Surrender MC status as soon as the world lets us grow and maintain a worthy dwarf beard.

>>38048308
[x] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.

>>38048308

>[x] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.

Some info could help.

>[ ] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.
>[ ] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.

>>38048308
[ ] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.

then

[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.

>>38048308
>[ ] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.

>>38048308
>[ ] [OFFER] ... y'know what? Rokko could probably use a break. Offer to carry Neptune for the time being.
>[ ] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.

>>38048308
>[x] [KEEPER] Shit. Right. You DO know that name from somewhere. See if you can't dredge up a flashback or something.
>[x] [INVENTORY] Take stock of what you have on you. It's been a while since you dug through your pack.

>>38048308
...could we stick Neptune in our inventory?

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>>38048308
>[X] [KEEPER]
>[X] [INVENTORY]
>[X] [OFFER]

Right. About that. This horrible day wasn't ENTIRELY wasted on struggling not to die. You learned that your giant fly nemesis actually 1) has a name, and 2) was once an adventurer, probably a freelancer, before she became an outcast and went off to do whatever it is outcasts do in this world.

Judging by what both outcasts were like, you can guess that what they do is lose their goddamn marbles, pledge themselves to a dark power, and plot vengeance on Gamindustri.

You snort in bleak amusement before slapping your cheeks. Whatever. Focus. So, this "Keeper" person- apparently, giant monster flies and dirt-digging imps are her minions. She CLAIMED to know you from back in the good ol' days, presumably back when she wasn't insane, but to you, the past is a closed book that was probably crushed under a drawbridge when you weren't paying attention. The only thing you can REMEMBER from those days is blood and screaming and-

>- long red hair, graced by a set of horns that SHOULD have made her look ridiculous, but she wears them with pride, mostly because she'll use her bare hands to tear apart anyone who tells her differently, and nothing terrifies you more than seeing her fanged mouth twist into an impossibly wide grin before she tells the ceiling to-

"A-Are. You okay?"

Rokko's static growl brings you back to the present. You shake your braided head, letting Lowee's crisp winter wind wash over your face. Nah. You just- you just got lost in thought, that's all.

You distract yourself from her questioning stare by digging through your pack- well, alright, there isn't enough in your pack to really dig through. All your equipment's on your body (you double-checked, just in case your mind starts bugging out over clothing mismatches again), and all your alcohol is either on your person or already pulsing through your veins.

(Cont.)

>>38049136

When we go, should give Neptune a pair of dwarf fortress cats.

For reasons.

>>38049136
>sticking the former MC into your inventory
For some reason, that pings to me as INCREDIBLY disrespectful.

I mean, Rokko might not mind due to having trouble walking anyway, but doing that to Neptune will solidify her status as side character.

>>38049180
... there IS that red rock, though. The one that (according to Moru) smells absolutely horrible. You take another look at it, and it's... just a red rock.

Red like Keeper's hair. Or just fresh blood. You're getting the fuzzy sense that they're pretty much the same color.

You dump it back into your pack before shooting Rokko a glance. For all intents and purposes, you've been living under a rock for longer than you can remember, and even you've heard of the Blue Bomber. And you're still pretty sure that she's not supposed to look like she just crawled out of the wrong end of a trash compactor. Even before that nasty no-holds-barred magic-slinging battle, the super fighting robot hadn't looked particularly super; exposed circuitry all over her armor, gashes across her synthetic skin, and even her hair seems dulled and matted.

Well, at least Estelle healed her up enough to walk. And after you gave her first dibs on the treasure cube, there's been a sense of /purpose/ that's given Rokko a spring to her step and a glimmer in her otherwise dead eyes. But you're well aware that even if the spirit is willing, the body doesn't function all that well when its individual parts would show up as yellow, red, or gray on any respectable status screen.

Rokko's gait isn't particularly steady, and even less so when she's got a half-comatose purple-haired goddess draped over one shoulder. Neptune isn't making her job much easier, either; she keeps trying to toss and turn, and just sort of ends up banging her head against Rokko's back armor.

(Cont.)

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>>38049215
You clear your throat. C'mon, Rokko. She's hauled this worthless load long enough, now it's your turn.

... she doesn't even look at you. She's still staring straight ahead, tottering somewhat unevenly on her imperfectly healed (repaired?) metalshod boots. "I-I am, perfectly s-suited for. This task, and c-can carry on indefinitely."

Yeah, nah, you're gonna have absolutely none of that. C'mon, fair's fair, you're gonna split this task fifty-fifty.

"Not nec-cessary."

... jeez, she almost missed a step there. This really can't go on.

[ ] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart both Rokko and Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.
[ ] [(B)ACKPACK] Stuff Neptune into your inventory. Pray that this absolutely disrespectful action won't trigger some unforeseen bug that screws everything up even more than usual.
[ ] [APPEAL] Rokko's got to be at least slightly concerned about the well-being of a goddess, right? Tell her Neptune's going to wake up with a splitting headache if she carries her like that.
[ ] [NEPNEP] Wake up Neptune any way you can. Try to get her to walk under her own goddamn power. She's the former main character, isn't she? Show some guts!
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>38049230
[ ] [APPEAL] Rokko's got to be at least slightly concerned about the well-being of a goddess, right? Tell her Neptune's going to wake up with a splitting headache if she carries her like that.

I mean if you carry Nep. Her head will hit every rock from here to town and we can guarantee a concussion!

>>38049230
>[X] [NEPPEAL] Rokko's got to be at least slightly concerned about the well-being of a goddess, right? Plus, she totally wants to talk to you about that main character malarky. And if you're going to have to listen to her go on about something you have no idea about, you want her to be drunk enough you make allowances for it. So you'll carry her and try and figure out what she wants, and if you can even give it to her.

>>38049230
>[x] [APPEAL] Rokko's got to be at least slightly concerned about the well-being of a goddess, right? Tell her Neptune's going to wake up with a splitting headache if she carries her like that.

>>38049230
>[ ] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart both Rokko and Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.

>>38049230
>[ ] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart both Rokko and Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.

>>38049230
>[ ] [WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart ONLY Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.
That should have less risks of bugging, right? RIGHT?

>>38049230
oh god, i am so tempted by backpack option. its hilarious...

>>38049230
>[ ] [(B)ACKPACK] Stuff Neptune into your inventory. Pray that this absolutely disrespectful action won't trigger some unforeseen bug that screws everything up even more than usual.
Stuff her in. Right in.

>>38049230
>[X] [(B)ACKPACK] Stuff Neptune into your inventory. Pray that this absolutely disrespectful action won't trigger some unforeseen bug that screws everything up even more than usual.

SIDE CHARACTER? SIIIIIIIDE CHARACTER!

>[X] [(B)ACKPACK] Stuff Neptune into your inventory. Pray that this absolutely disrespectful action won't trigger some unforeseen bug that screws everything up even more than usual.

Y'know what? Fuck it. Neptune, get in the backpack! You're going for a ride!

>>38049230
>[ ] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart both Rokko and Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.

>>38049230
>[ ] [(B)ACKPACK] Stuff Neptune into your inventory. Pray that this absolutely disrespectful action won't trigger some unforeseen bug that screws everything up even more than usual.

Perfect location for her.

Whats the worst that could happen?

>>38049819
>Whats the worst that could happen?

Uhhhhh, she grabs hold of the Red Rock, and when we need her for a battle and pull her out, she devolves from a Goddess to an Adventurer and all the evil adventurers band together to take over her country?

>>38049230
>[X] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart both Rokko and Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.

>>38049230
>[ ] [(B)ACKPACK] Stuff Neptune into your inventory. Pray that this absolutely disrespectful action won't trigger some unforeseen bug that screws everything up even more than usual.

I just have to support stuffing the goddess into a backpack.

>>38049230

>>[x] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1] Fashion a wheelbarrow out of snow. Try to use it to cart both Rokko and Neptune. Pray that this is won't trigger some unforeseen bug and cripple you for half an hour.

Wheelbarrows are fun.

>>38049230
>[X] [MAX WHEELBARROWS: 1]

Well, fine, then how about this? You'll just /build/ a bloody ride for her and Neptune to hop into.

That's enough to stop Rokko in her tracks, and she turns to stare at you with glowing, back-lit blue eyes. "Y-You, can. Do that?"

You snort and place your gauntleted hands on your hips, returning her stare with ironclad dwarven stubbornness. Hell yeah you can! She saw you build that fortress with nothing but snow and your bare hands, right? Compared to /that/, a vehicle is as simple as kea tallow pie.

You think you can just about see the gears turning in Rokko's head, but eventually, she nods and settles into an at-ease stance. "Understood. S-Surprise, me," she grinds out.

... well, okay, and now you've got a captive audience consisting of one (1) robot girl. You can't really count Neptune, because she's barely conscious and, given how Rokko's holding her, facing entirely the wrong way. So you get to work.

It barely takes a moment to get the basics down pat- once you pack a snow boulder together with your bare hands, you've got yourself a functional (although colorless) workshop. The materials needed to make a wheelbarrow actually proves to be a bit harder, because you can't quite convince whatever governs your /everything/ that snow is an appropriate substitute for wood or metal.

Shit. You need a goddamn axe, you can't just-

You SHRIEK and fall flat on your ass as the liquid metal in your right gauntlet suddenly shifts into the shape of an axe, nearly slicing your fucking kneecaps off.

>Liquid Metal Gauntlets: New Functionality Discovered!

... well, alright, you can't fault Rokko's instincts, but you waste a minute more convincing the Blue Bomber to put down her arm cannon. At least it's barely a minute more to chop down a nearby tree-

(Cont.)

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>>38050097
"W-Where did. The rest of t-the tree, go? Why is t-there, only enough for. One block?"

You stop working to pat the robot girl on the shoulder. Or on her shoulderblade, given your lack of reach, but whatever. Shush, Rokko, don't sweat the little details like that. That's the sort of shit that drives people insane.

And voila! You finish off one perfectly serviceable wheelbarrow in the time it takes for her to finish sputtering in indignation at the flagrant flouting of physics. You give it a few test pushes while waiting for Rokko's robot brain to catch up, and then you wheel it on over, bumping it against her leg to snap her out of it. C'mon, Rokko, in she goes.

The Blue Bomber doesn't quite capitulate yet, eyeing the thing warily. "I-It won't. Disappear halfway to its, d-destination?" she mutters. "Or b-burn through your. Gauge?"

What? No! It's as permanent as anything, and entirely indestructible! Barring any unfortunate magma- or fire-based accidents. Now hurry up and put the goddess in the wheelbarrow.

"T-This feels. Kind of, sacrilegious."

Well, she's not the goddess of EITHER of us, so it all works out in the end, right?

Rokko shrugs at that before slinging Neptune into the wheelbarrow anyway. There's a thunk and a whimper. You can't help but feel that maybe the Blue Bomber hasn't /quite/ gotten the hang of dealing with fragile meatbags on a daily basis. "S-So. We're, both going to. W-Walk the rest of the w-way, like this?"

We?

... it takes her a moment to cotton onto your meaning, but when she does-

"N-No. I will not."

You grin at her, showing your teeth. Aw, c'mon, don't be a party pooper. It'll be !!fun!!

"No. I am heavy. A-And why the excl-clamation marks?"

(Cont.)

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>>38050114
Because of reasons. And wheelbarrows automatically negate the weight of whatever's sitting inside, so you'll be running along at max fucking speed. Now c'mon, get in the wheelbarrow, you've got to get back to Lowee ASAP and maybe figure out what the hell's going on in Leanbox and everywhere else.

Rokko sighs. It's a little surprising- she /actually/ sighs, as in there's probably air involved, and her chest heaves a little, causing a bit of motion in outlying regions. "F-Fine. B-But only under, p-protest," she grinds out. It takes her a moment to get herself situated in a way that probably won't crush Neptune beneath her armored robot body; she settles for splitting half the wheelbarrow with the goddess, keeping an iron grip on the rim.

Okay, let's do this. Everyone ready?

"I-I am, regretting this alre-"

You don't even let her finish that sentence, letting it truncate in an electronic squawk as you kick off. See, dwarves can run at a pretty fast clip, and the wheelbarrow being pushed in front of you does absolutely jack shit to slow you down- the single wheel up front plows forward quickly enough to kick up plumes of snow to either side of you, like Moses parting the Red Sea, except with less God and more GANGWAY IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING WHEELBARROW.

(Cont.)

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>>38050142
Somewhere along the line, Neptune wakes up and joins in the screaming, but that's the least of your worries; once you hit town, the snow disappearing and your boots clanging against pavement, you realize that you have a slight problem.

You don't have a stockpile. You don't even have an end destination in mind. And if you stop running at full tilt, you will probably bug out harder than you have in a while.

... shit.

Ignoring Rokko's frantic static-laden yells (and Neptune's exhilarated shrieking), you hurtle down the thoroughfare, swerving madly to avoid pulverizing fruit stands and murdering innocent bystanders under the force of your mad dashing. You don't have much time left before your luck runs out, so you'd better think fast-

[ ] [THE INN] Dump them at the inn! You made a stockpile in that room you stayed in with Estelle and Moru, right!?
[ ] [BASILICOM] Dump them in front of the Basilicom! That's a location you're relatively familiar with, right? Right??
[ ] [THE GUILD] Dump them at the foot of the local Guild branch! Plenty of bodies to cushion the impact!
[ ] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>38050174
>[ ] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!

Run THROUGH the door and run INTO the merchant.

Prevents them from running away.

>>38050174
>[ ] [THE INN] Dump them at the inn! You made a stockpile in that room you stayed in with Estelle and Moru, right!?

STOCKPILES!

>>38050188
Seconding

>>38050174
>[X] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!

Well, it IS where all the goods are kept. That means it must count as something, right? Besides, Estelle collects little sisters, ergo she is a stockpile of people. You have people. She is your destination.

>>38050174
[ ] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!
There should be a stockpile or barn or warehouse near the market

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>>38050174
>[x] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!

>>38050174
[x] [BASILICOM] Dump them in front of the Basilicom! That's a location you're relatively familiar with, right? Right??

>>38050174
>[x] [BASILICOM] Dump them in front of the Basilicom! That's a location you're relatively familiar with, right? Right??
Goddess goes where?

>>38050174
>[ ] [BASILICOM] Dump them in front of the Basilicom! That's a location you're relatively familiar with, right? Right??

>>38050174
>[ ] [BASILICOM] Dump them in front of the Basilicom! That's a location you're relatively familiar with, right? Right??

>>38050174
[X ] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!

>>38050114
>Aw, c'mon, don't be a party pooper. It'll be !!fun!!
>"No. I am heavy. A-And why the excl-clamation marks?"
OK, so Rokko reads text boxes like Estelle. Do we?

>>38050318
I think all dwarves have that ability since birth. Understanding those symbols is essential to their very survival.

>>38050174
>[X] [THE MARKET] Dump them at the door of the treasure cube shop! That's where you agreed to meet Estelle and she can heal all your inevitably broken bones!!

Lets be honest, everyone here's been through worse.

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>>38050174
>[X] [THE MARKET]

Your frazzled mind, unable to focus due to lack of beer flowing down your throat right at this instant, immediately latches onto two things: you DID agree to meet Estelle at the market, and you DID promise Blanc that you'd maybe sort out that treasure cube merchant and find out why his company's goods are making their way into crazy murderer outcast hands.

"U-Urist!" Huh, an actual exclamation mark. This may mark the first time you've heard Rokko speak in something other than a deadpan. She half-turns her head toward you, her long blonde ponytail whipping in the wind, although she sure as hell isn't taking her eyes off the road in front of you all. "S-Stop! You can, stop now!!"

"No! Don't stop!" Neptune cheers, ducking an errant lamppost as you swerve around it like a fucking slalom skier. "Keep on going! The ride can't end now!"

So sorry, Rokko, a goddess's request takes priority, now /hang the fuck on/-

(Cont.)

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>>38051146
"... o... okay. So! Tell me again," Estelle says; she's smiling like she can't decide whether to be amazed or mildly horrified as she heals your absolutely everything, and the glow of her magic lights up her face such that her smile looks brittle. "How /did/ you go through the roof and two floors of a building with a wheelbarrow?"

You shift uncomfortably, blinking away the blood dripping down into your eyes. It's also a good way to avoid her gaze, although now you're forced to look at the small crater left behind by your impact. Well... y'know. It's faster to cross distances vertically than horizontally.

"Of course! That makes total sense." Estelle sighs. "And how did you get up to the roof in the first place?"

"It was totally hardcore!!" Neptune chirrups from where she hangs on a store sign, suspended by her hoodie, dangling upside-down and one story up. "She saw this ramp, right, and it wasn't actually a ramp but a box tilted onto its side, and then she said 'I have run out of fucks to give,' and then she ran straight up the side and-"

"A-Almost, killed us, all." Rokko hasn't yet gotten up from where she fell onto her back and slid half a city block. There's a slightly mystified look on her face, like her brain hasn't yet finished processing the events of the past five minutes. "Running along, a-and balancing on power l-lines like. Like a t-tightrope walker. W-Wheelbarrow..."

The robot girl dazedly pulls out a notepad and quietly scribbles something down.

(Cont.)

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>>38051188
Estelle finishes healing you and pats you down like you're a beardless child- well. Okay, shit, you kind of are. "You're lucky you didn't break anything. Legendarily lucky!"

Your imminent boast is cut off when she flicks you on the forehead. "But you'd /seriously/ better not do that again, okay?" Estelle scowls, furrowing her brow like an... an actual big sister would. Huh.

This may be one of the first times you've seen her /do/ that, and it shocks you enough that you can't help but nod silently. It's enough to turn her frown upside-down, and Estelle hefts you back up to your feet in absolute cheer. "Okay! Now that /that's/ settled, just sit tight, okay? I'll go get Neptune down from ther-"

... and because life is constant bullshit random encounters, a high-pitched battle scream is the only warning you have before what feels like a meteor shower starts descending right toward your goddamned noggin.

>Urist Twelfthbay desperately attempts to dodge!
ROLL d20! (dice+1d20 in the email field)
Taking the best of three!
DC: 16.
Defense Bonus, Iron Armor: +1 to the highest roll.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>38051215

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>38051215

Rolled 3 (1d20)

Dice! Fail us now!

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>38051215

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>38051215

>>38051188
>I have run out of fucks to give,
>>38051188
>Running along, a-and balancing on power l-lines like. Like a t-tightrope walker. W-Wheelbarrow..."
Barrow Man, somehow more powerful than Train Man!

>>38051215
figured it would be bugs rather than a meteor shower.

>>38051246
okay, maybe it IS a bug.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>38051215

>>38051248
Well you got your wish.

>>38051215
>>38051238
>>38051246
>>38051248

Oh well. Turn based battle time! (I hope this actually is a random encounter.)

>>38051215
>Legendarily lucky!

>>38051238
>>38051246
>>38051248
>>38051263
I beg to differ...

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>>38051294
Speaking of which
When will Urist get the power to do this?

>>38051278
Rokko is going to make up enough new bosses just by staying around Urist at this rate

>>38051414
Should Urist consider it an honor if she is the inspiration for Dorf Man?

>>38051495
Dorf Man would be impossible to beat.

The catsplosion attack would glitch the game and crash it. And the thrown cats before it crashes would be one hit kills. Throwing be OP yo!

>>38051544

You have beaten Dorf Man.

Do you wish to loot cats (2)?

>>38051544
What kinda power would one get after absorbing Dorf Man?

>>38051664
Crippling alcoholism

>>38051625
And theres the crash. You HAVE to loot the weapon in a megaman game. but they're a male and female cat. and once the babies are made theres no stopping it.

>>38051664
Catspolision in your menu. its gradually taken over by little Cs until you suffer a hard crash!

>>38051664
Functional Alcoholism and an Immortal Liver.

>>38051684

So it is a timer, beat the game in the time left of stability before it crashes your NES.

>>38051685

Liver of rebirth?

>>38051685
Sounds like Dorf Man's power is the perfect counter to Booze/Brew Man

>>38051735
What's Dorf mans weakness?

>>38051845
Sobriety

>>38051845

You have to destroy the distillery on the way in to fight him, and then destroy or spill all the alcohol during the fight.

He loses health during it and you have to outlast his rage.

>>38051957
>Intentionally causing the most vile of blasphemies.

You fucking monster!

>>38051957
I'm pretty sure that he'll leave his post to rebuild the distillery, but if you ever get anywhere near boozeman again you get one-shotted.

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>>38051215
>Roll to NOPE

You are well-accustomed to monsters trying to attack you from the front. You're used to having monsters trying to get at your /head/, because you are short and therefore your head is apparently in easy reach of claws and fangs and fists. Hell, you're even used to flying monsters divebombing you and trying to rip you to shreds with great big horrible talons.

You're not used to weathering a series of kicks from the air, each of them targeting your motherfucking head with the pinpoint accuracy of a goddamn Wuxia movie star who does all her own fucking stunts and-

(Cont.)

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>>38052342
You are Neptune, and you're the one and only moe personification of the best console series in the whole entire world: SEGA! Just like how it's the toughest thing ever to be tough, your nation, Planeptune, is also the toughest nation ever to... nation.

You are also the best main character of the best franchise in the world! Or you used to be, until a dwarf stole your position. Still, while that was all going on, being a goddess AND a main character meant you were basically double dipping, which is sorta like being the foreman of a pudding factory AND an ice cream factory at the same time. You could skim off the top of both places and have double the sugary fun! And no one would dare to tell you that you've had enough sugar for one day!

... jeez, when you think of it like /that/, maybe you should look into changing jobs.

Anyway! You just saw an ironclad midget get air-juggled-slash-kicked in the head like fifty times by Lee-Fi, who's a Street Fighter if you've ever seen one! Poor Urist. Except not really, because you're convinced she totally stole your main character-ness from you. And it also serves Urist right for not having an anti-air maneuver, you guess.

Lee-Fi lands with the grace of a cat, posing like she's getting ready to do another hundred thousand kicks. She really makes those high-slit Chinese dresses look good. "You! Foul-smelling midget! What were you doing with Rokko? Where were you planning to cart her away to? Answer me!"

(Cont.)

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>>38052361
"Lee-Fiiiiiii," Estelle groans. "Come on, you can't just kick people in the head like that! That's legendarily rude! I just HEALED Urist!" She starts charging up her magic again and walks back over to Urist! And leaves you to dangle again, but it might be kind of rude to complain.

"O-Oh. I... well, I feel no regrets!" Lee-Fi sputters. "It was her fault for abducting Rokko in the first place! It is just desserts if her head was broken!"

"Lee-Fi. N-No one, ab-bducted me." Rokko stands up, and-

Holy crap! You've been narrating in the second person this whole time? Can it be?? Are you the main character again!? This is great! Now this quest will totally take off! You'll be so popular, this quest will get a trillion upvotes on the archive! You seriously can't wait to tell-

(Cont.)

Bitch kicked the protagonism out of us, goddamn

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>>38052382
When you come to, it's with a splitting headache, although that starts fading quickly as Estelle pumps more healing magic into you. For some reason, you hear Neptune yelling something that sounds suspiciously like "Goddammit!", but you dismiss that immediately because someone just /kicked you in the fucking head/, what the hell.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"

... alright, so the martial artist-looking girl bowing to within an inch of her life is probably the one responsible.

"I didn't know that you were one of the adventurers who helped save Rokko!" she stammers, her long elegant braids whipping around once more as she straightens back up. "I just thought- y-you look like a freelancer, like the one who attacked us, so..."

Estelle bristles a little at that. Like, literally bristles- you swear you can see her hair growing spikier. "Hey, come on, none of that, now-"

No, well... it's fine. You just signed up like a day ago, so the damned adventurer-ness hasn't quite sunk in yet. As far as you're concerned, no harm, no foul, right? Fistfights are a perfectly dwarven tradition- you've been punched in the face more times than you can count, anyway.

"Really? Well... alright." And just like that, Lee-Fi doesn't look quite so guilty anymore. She turns to the Blue Bomber, helping her up. "Then we'd better get you to Trek. Come, Rokko, let's get you presentable. The festival's still young, and Blanc is probably waiting!"

Rokko nods; she glances your way, and looks like she's about to say something, but she seems to think better of it and just nods her thanks at you- a surprisingly human gesture for one so obviously robotic. That slightly weary look has returned, but she lets Lee-Fi start leading her away; you can't help but watch their retreating backs.

And almost spittake, because most of the paint was scraped off of Rokko's back armor due to her slide, giving her a big silver stripe from the back of her head down to her butt, but that's BESIDES the point.

(Cont.)

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>>38052403
"... ah." Estelle's eyes widen. "I almost forgot- I've got to get to the Basilicom! Kong needs to know that- w-well, you know," she half-whispers, eyeing Lee-Fi's retreating back. "About Blanc. I didn't even have time to go get that done, so... I'll meet you back here, okay?"

Yeah, that DOES sound pretty damn important. You're not really sure how much a nation can run on its own without its patron goddess on-site, or even what the consequences of that would be, but given that goddesses and nations sorta depend on each other to survive...

On the other hand, you DO sorta have to deal with that whole treasure cube thing, although you don't know if that's actually time sensitive or not.

[ ] [TREASURE/NEPNEP] Go grill the treasure cube merchant on your own! Or with Neptune, who's still sorta dangling there, as far as you know. ... or maybe you're better off waiting for some other backup.
[ ] [CAPCOM] Go tag along with Rokko and Lee-Fi for the time being. May as well check and see where Moru's gotten to, and what they're all planning. And maybe ask about the status of that fearmonger who attacked them. And maybe bitch at Lee-Fi a little more for kicking you in the head a trillion times.
[ ] [ESTELLE] Accompany Estelle to the Basilicom. You're curious despite yourself, and maybe you can also fill her in on the whole Leanbox situation and your call to Mojang. And maybe hash out where you're going next.
[ ] [GUILD] Go check and see if you've gotten a reply from Maia yet, regarding that text you sent a little while back. Even if you don't... well, the office is a good source of news, right? Maybe there's something on Leanbox...
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>38052434
[X] [GUILD] Go check and see if you've gotten a reply from Maia yet, regarding that text you sent a little while back. Even if you don't... well, the office is a good source of news, right? Maybe there's something on Leanbox...

>>38052434
>[ ] [TREASURE/NEPNEP] Go grill the treasure cube merchant on your own! Or with Neptune, who's still sorta dangling there, as far as you know. ... or maybe you're better off waiting for some other backup.
>[ ] [WRITE-IN]
Stuff Neptune into our party like the unimportant secondary character she is. She doesn't even get to walk on the overworld map.

>>38052434
>[ ] [TREASURE/NEPNEP] Go grill the treasure cube merchant on your own! Or with Neptune, who's still sorta dangling there, as far as you know. ... or maybe you're better off waiting for some other backup.
She's had a taste of Main Character-ness, and is sure to find someway to knock Urist out.

Which suits Urist just fine if it means not having to do anything for a while.

>>38052434
>[x] [TREASURE/NEPNEP] Go grill the treasure cube merchant on your own! Or with Neptune, who's still sorta dangling there, as far as you know. ... or maybe you're better off waiting for some other backup.
Let's put that conversationalist skill to use!

>>38052434
>[x] [GUILD] Go check and see if you've gotten a reply from Maia yet, regarding that text you sent a little while back. Even if you don't... well, the office is a good source of news, right? Maybe there's something on Leanbox...

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Okay, this is probably a good time to stop, since I'm running down on energy. Thanks for participating, guys, and I hope you enjoyed this thread!

Next thread will... be sometime within the next week, but I'm not really sure which day will work the best!

Gonna set a tentative time of TUESDAY, 2/17, at 9-ish PM EST, but that'll be liable to change depending on how things pan out. Updates to schedule will be on Twitter (in the OP post), and questions and suggestions can go here or on ask.fm/BlorpQuest. See you next time!

>>38052752
Thanks for running.

>>38052752
Can't wait! see you then!