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>"Look, pal. I'm a business man, and if you don't have the money, I can't give you this. It's one of my most expensive weapons!"
He says sympathetically

>>38878491
TAKE IT!

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>>38878491
>"I mean, with that tournament coming up weapons are in high demand."
He says, pointing back into his stall.

You see a small flyer pinned to the wood.

I HOPE YOU CAN READ

>>38878491
Steal it! We'll pay him back later... definitely. I wonder if we'll see Gartendo at the end of this?

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WELL LOOK AT THAT
THATS SUPER CONVIENENT
You're strong, something like this would be cake!
Plus, look at that reward!
What do you do?

>>38878582
PUNCH HIM AND STEAL IT

This isn't hard fucker.

>>38878553
>I HOPE YOU CAN READ
Of course we can't read. What kind of a barbarian can read? Demand he read it to you, on pain of holding your breath until he does.
(Do the valsalva maneuver to show you're serious.)

>>38878582
>railroading this hard.

Obviously, we go to the tournament, kick some ass, then pay for the weapon. Lastly, we go on a killing spree.

>>38878491
Ask if he'd be willing to hire us as a porter until we can afford it. Porting weapons to carriages might earn tips to hasten the earning.

>>38878582
Steal it! enter tournament, if we win, we might pay the merchant back.

>>38878582
Posters aren't weapons, are they?

We roll up the poster and use it as our weapon.

>>38878582
Head to tournament, Use stick or small tree from woods as club in meantime.

>>38878582
ask him to read it for you.

>>38878582
Find something to beat the shit out of dudes, like a fuckhueg tree, or maybe the town drunk.

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You study the piece of paper as the man continues talking. It was like;
>"Blah blah blah, High Prince Oblyx, blah blah blah, two hundred corpses last year, blah blah blah, hot sister, blah blah."

You seem puzzled. Maybe you could get him to loan you a sword, or a club, or...?

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>>38878637
OH. OK. YOU'RE GOING TO JUST USE THE POSTER.
GREAT.
I'M SURE YOU WON'T DIE.

>>38878933
Or we steal that giant pizza cutter. We're a barbarian, who's gonna stop us?

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>>38878672
>>38878605
And with your new weapon in hand, you dash off to where you hear horns a'blowin and crowds a'cheering.

What a lovely castle. I wonder what wonderful wonders lay inside??

>>38878995
Nah, fuck that. Turn around and steal your pizza cutter.

>>38878963
>>38879072
>>38878995
Seriously, stop railroading. We want that pizza cutter, we say we take. Be a good QM and DO EET.

>>38878995
GIVE US THE PIZZACUTTER YOU ASS
Just tell the merchant-guy that we're borrowing it, giving it a test-run. We'll pay once we know it's worthy of being in our grasp.

Fuck yeah! Quest quest!

>>38878523
>>38878579
>>38878595
>>38878617
>>38878963
>>38879072
>>38879105
>>38879181
Seriously Op. Seriously?

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>>38879286
>>38879181
>>38879105
Jesus christ

You run back and smash the merchants face with your hand as you snatch the wrapped up Pizza Cutter from the counter.

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>>38879373
And then you hastily continue on your merry little way with your new weapon

>>38879373
>>38879393
That's how ya do it. Go investigate those Doritos.

>>38879373
>>38879393
THANK YOU.

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You enter the castle grounds, Pizza cutter in hand. As you look around, you don't notice many people, but you DO hear a deafening roar coming from further inside.

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>>38879581
At last you come across the source of the noise. Hundreds of people sitting in the stands above a large dirt arena. People cheering and gossiping. It looks as if the tourney is just about to start!

>WHAT DO?

>>38879593
Register quickly!

>>38879581
Charge! It's either lots of people or a huge monster. Both are fun.

>>38879581
>>38879593

jump in

>>38879593
JOIN THE FIGHT!
FIGHT BOTH REGISTERED FIGHTERS!

>>38879593
Jump in, declare we are here to fight!

>>38879593
Dive down there and start fighting.

>>38879373

> Idiots don't remember that this is why Brad the Bard got arrested at the end of the last Quest Quest

Well at least we'll get to see how he's doing in jail.

>>38879708
Sigh. I did not forget

>>38879708
>Implying I forgot

>>38879708
There was another brad?

>>38879708
His name was Gartendo! He was a bradbard, though

>>38879708
Implying that a meeting of the Brads isn't exactly what we're aiming for.

>>38879851

Oh. Well he still has powers over Brads so we'd just become his pawn.

>>38879593
Find a pizza to cut!

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>>38879607
>>38879611
>>38879635
>>38879649
>>38879654
Without even taking a moment to ponder, you jump in, blade in hand! What terrible beasts await you? Beholders? Dragons? In-Laws?

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>>38879951
...or none of those things. Looks to be a lone knight walking across the grounds, preparing a few things. They look startled as you jump in.

>WHAT DO?

>>38879971
"ARE YOU MY OPPONENT?"

>>38879971
Cut off his head and proclaim yourself mayor!

>>38879971
Give him the Italian special.

PIZZA CUTTER TO THE FACE.

>>38879971
This is no knight, this is a pizza.

Everything is pizza.

You have a pizza cutter.

You know what to do.

>>38879971
Challenge him to a fight!

>>38879971
>Activate barbarian rage

dis gunna be good

>>38880062
It's gonna be biblical.

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The knight looks at you concerned.
>"Sir... you're going to have to go wait in the barracks for the tournament to start. Sir..?"
The walk toward you warily, arms raised.

>>38879971
"MAMA MIA! Whats-a kinda opponent are you?"

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What the hell is up with you? You heard them. Go wait in the-

>>38880250
>ask for directions to the Barracks.

>>38880250
The tournament exists wherever there is an opponent! Have at you.

Also you all see it! The knight was coming at us! It's self-defense!

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>>38880279

>>38880279
RIP AND TEAR!

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>>38880279
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, MAN.
NOW CALM DOWN. DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.

>WHAT DO

>>38880320
Eat the pizza!

>>38880296
>>38880312
Fools! Don't you see? Our opponent is a mimic
A mimic disguised as THE ARENA ITSELF

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>>38880320
ONE JOB. ONE TOOL. ONE SLICE.

KILL HIM, BRAD.

>>38880320
Oh god. What drugs are you on

brb sushi

>>38880320
This pizza has plainly already been sliced. Shake it off, Brad. It's malfunctioning.

>>38880356
Hold! He's already sliced! We need to find a WHOLE pizza! Anything else is blasphemy!

>>38880320
Looks like someone is ready... to get served.

>>38880366
This Berserker is packin' man and a half!

>>38880320
this is a slice a pizza it doesnt need to be cut

>>38880402
We're a pizza CUTTER though! We don't serve it

>>38880320
This pizza is already cut, move along.

>>38880320
Looks delicious, eat it.

>>38880320
It's already sliced! Our weapon is useless, flee and scream!

>>38880320
I'm Italian and I want him cut to shreds

>>38880366
HE'S HIGH ON TAKING LIVES

>>38880570
But we haven't even injured someone yet.
Well, someone ELSE

>>38880600
Then let's solve that problem by killing this here slice of pizza.

>>38880600
Well, we did smash the shop owner's face in after we went back to steal the Piz'ah Cutter.

>>38880631
That really looked like he was just pushing his face to me

>>38880626
But it's a SLICE of pizza! The cutter is only meant for WHOLE pizzas!

>>38880667
"You run back and smash the merchants face with your hand as you snatch the wrapped up Pizza Cutter from the counter."
Doesn't matter what it looked like, we smashed his face nonetheless.

>>38880721
So let's cut a hole in this slice.

>>38880320
Pizza is already sliced. Suppress your violent instincts and tenuously comply. We want that prize money, don't we?

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>>38880505
>>38880418
>>38880495
>>38880389
>>38880345
Well thank god it was already sliced, I guess.
You jump the knight and begin chewing mindlessly on the knight's helmet, the taste of cheese filling your mouth.
>"S-sir. I'm flattered, but please..."

Please OP, we're already deranged, on drugs and murderous, we're just a HST companion away from Fear and Loathing in Pizzaland. Male it happen.

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Suddenly, you hear trumpets sound just off of the arena floor.
>"Oh thank god."
You hear the knight sigh.

>WHAT DO YOU DO??

>>38880896
>Introduce yourself

>>38880896
Wield the Piz'ah Cutter as a weapon, the knight as a shield and get ready for the slaughter.

>>38880896
Run into the arena, it's time to prove ourselves... and win the money for the weapon we "borrowed"
Captcha is pizza

>>38880896
Keep on eating. Gotta get are strength up before battle.

>>38880987
Obviously, you are still seeing the knight as pizza, so you're metaphysically wielding pizza.

>>38880896
Stop chewing, while pizza is delicious, it will also give you cramps during a fight.

>>38880896
THE CALL TO BATTLE!

C'mon, Knight. Obviously a great and delicious warrior such as yourself wouldn't be here if you weren't intending to be a tournament entrant.

>>38881042
THIS. SO MUCH.

>>38880896
Ask the knight to send your compliments to the chef
Draw pizzacutter
Prepare anus

>>38880896
Start screaming the Italian national anthem

spare the pizza's life in exchange for signing you up

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>>38880987
Startled by the horns, you grab the knight/pizza and wield them like a shield. You whirl around just in time to see what the horns were introducing, and what the crowd is currently cheering for.

>>38881440
Look at his sexy pecs. :3

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>>38881440
This poor knight.

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A gaudy looking man has stepped out to face the crowd. His booth, much higher than the stands, is adorned with a very fancy looking banner.
>"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome the the third annual Grand Tournament! After last years bloodshed and horrible accident with the megaboars, I'm sure we'll have even more fun this year!"
The crowd cheers wildly.
This guy seems to be that "High Prince Oblyx" you heard that merchant blabbing about.

>What do??

>>38881517
>Throw pizza at Prince

>>38881517
Tell him to get on with it already

>>38881517
Yo, megaboars? This guy sounds like he knows how to have a good time.

>>38881517
Yell at him asking who you need to beat to win.

>>38881517
Ask him where the white women at

>>38881640
More like yellow women. Everyone around here is fucking blue.

>>38881517
IS THAT FUCKING B'RAED!?

>>38881517
Declare our oncoming victory!

>>38881517
"How many people do I have to beat to get the money?"

>>38881758
Not even close.

>>38881517
>>38881619
>>38881766
These.

>>38881517
pray to god/gods and our animal spirit for STRENGTH while the authorita is speaking.

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>>38881877
You shout at him, demanding what you need to do to get your money! Your barbaric voice echoes across the arena and the crowd goes silent.

>>38882079
>"Well did you register?"

>YOUR ANSWER??!

>>38882105
YES!

>>38882105
I was registered since the day I was born! I am registered because I am the best!

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>>38882105
shit, picture

>>38882105
NO, BUT CAN I REGISTER NOW!?

>>38882105
Does jumping in the arena count?

>>38882105
>>38882184
This I told you idiots to register.

>>38882105
MORE REGISTERED THEN YOU, FAGGOT.

>>38882105
I REGISTERED ON THE FUCKING RICHTER SCALE BITCH.

>>38882178
>>38882105
>>38882178

NO

BUT I STILL WANT THE MONEY

I WILL FIGHT LITERALLY ANYONE YOU THROW MY WAY FOR 80 GP

>>38882105
ask where is the registrar and crush his/her skull.

"yes"

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>>38882223
>>38882229

>>38882229
This. So much this.

>>38882229
I need this in my life.

I'm calling it now btw, that knight is gonna be our husbando/reverse trap waifu

>>38882375
That's totally a chick. Seriously, look at that face.

>>38882390
No tHat's a pizza

>>38882105
"I BROUGHT MY OWN PIZZA CUTTER CAN I STAY ANYWAY"

>>38882375
PIZZA DOESN'T HAVE A GENDER.

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>>38882229
>"EXCELLENT! THEN LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"
He shouts out as the crowd cheers and trumpets blare!
The gate below his booth lifts and you see a shadow approach...

>>38882390

I dunno, OP's drawn more effeminate dudes than that. Either way, I support trying to put our penis into its cheese-covered nethers.

>>38882484
SLICE IT LIKE A PIZZA!

>>38882375
Do not sexualize the pizza shield!

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>>38882484
>"Say hello to Reginald,"
The High Prince says
>"The winner of the previous tournament!"
The crowd chants his name as he steps into the light.
This guy looks crazy tough. I mean, look at that mask. Might as well give up now.

So here you stand, Pizza in on hand and Pizza Cutter in the other. This will be your first battle, friend. What will you do?!
WILL YOU WIN?!
LOSE?!?
PIZZA?!

Find out next time on Quest Quest

night qt's

>>38882550
We shall slice and dice!
g'night bae

>>38882550

hah. BABIES!

>>38882550
THE OPPONENT IS ALL IN YOUR MIND. HE MUST BE CUT INTO NEAT PIZZA SLICES

great as always! Archived and g'night!

>>38882550
Night man, thanks for running! Your quest is aces!

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>>38882550

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>>38882550
Surely no head can be that small! His tiny head is a decoy, like with those animals that have face shapes on another part of their body to distract predators.

Do not be distracted! Focus on the enemy's actual face, cleverly camouflaged as shown here.

BYE OP

>>38882550
WHY A FUCKING LUCHA!???

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>38882889
I gaze into the abyss.
The abyss gazes back.

>>38883246
the abyss thinks you would look better with a haircut.

>>38883409
Fuck you, abyss! You aren't my real ex-military-dad-from-the-60s!

>>38883448
Shhhhhhhhhh
It'll all be over soon, Artorias.